Monday, November 14, 2005

GUIDE TO SEX AND DATING 2: Getting a Date

So you started dating a guy at 15 and thought that was it. You were both virgins and had no idea what you were doing and aside from a few stories from friends and some back issues of Cosmo, you have had to figure out everything on your own. And when virgins are teaching virgins about sex, well, that is pretty much the blind leading the blind, isn’t it? You may be able to please your long-time ex to no end. But guess what? The other 3 billion males in the world are not him, and therefore will act differently. So, as a service to you, this person I am not related to and have no semblance of a sexual attraction to, I will present you with a semi-detailed and HIGHLY generalized guide to the wide array of things that have gone on to countless others between the ages of 15 and 21.

Dating
There is one running theme you will notice in this and it is that GUYS LOVE A GIRL WHO MAKES THE FIRST MOVE! The kind who don’t are generally the type who like to dominate their woman, and therefore would be 100% incompatible with you anyway. Because you are such a docile little flower. You see a guy you like, you get along, ask him out. Guys will almost always say yes, at least to you, because a date is step one on the road to the promised land. If you were ugly I would not give you this advice, but I don’t know too many guys who would turn you down unless they are gay. And even then, look at Sean.

Many men have what is known as a 3-date rule. This means if they are not getting some sort of sexual affection by date three, you should not expect an invitation for date four. Guys who do this are not assholes, by the way. Men see sexual attention as confirmation that you like them. Just be prepared that if Captain Willie or whatever he has decided to name it had not made an appearance by the third date, your man may not make an appearance for the fourth. Am I telling you to be a slut? Of course not. Just don’t make a man wait too long or he may think he is being used or that you are not interested..

Let him pay for date 1. I HATE spending money on women, but if a girl insists on paying for her half on Date 1, that tells me she is not interested. If you don’t want to feel like you owe him something, buy the first round of drinks if you go out later. If you aren’t interested, though, you may want to pay for your half so he gets the clue.

Don’t be afraid to call/text a guy and tell him you had a great time the next day (this is ESPECIALLY important after the first time you have sex). I have never gotten one of these messages and not busted out with a huge smile. Seriously, it makes me happy when someone does that. But, you know, one call is enough.

Not that I think you would ever do it, but sex on the first date is dicey. Guys who want to date you if you f- on the first date are just as messed up as girls who f- on the first date. Date three is really the best time, or two weeks in. Seem a bit fast for you? Well, unfortunately this is how it works with a lot of guys. Not all. But the ones who will “wait until you’re ready” are either A) Full of shit B) Pussies, which may be what an assertive type like you needs or C) Banging a lot of other girls so he’ll be calling up Amber over in the Tri-Delt house after he drops you off.

5 Comments:

At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude, dude, dude.

you got some shit going on in that head of yours. I can't believe what I'm reading. I figured it'd be a lotta shit that just confirmed anything the last 26 years had already taught me, I'm just looking for some more perspective on a new issue.

You're really pulling the right buttons here man...I presume you hear this a lot, but regardless, you need to seriously contact some teeny bopper mags and get them to publish the multi-part dating guidelines, complete with intro. From what I've read, its perfect and really covers all the bases of about a million conversations. I can't think of the virgin or younger girl I've met and councelled as the oldest of 4 boys. The younger brother's friends en masse request information whenever I come from a world travel back home to visit. This guide could fill in so many blanks. Everyone likes the roll of the professor to an extent, but I'd prefer a room full of educated young women to a room full of inexperienced AND ignorant. Thanks for blasting ignorance in the chest.

Peace man. ~ Gemini Traveller

 
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