Monday, November 14, 2005

GUIDE TO SEX AND DATING 5: The Kinky Shit

There are a wide range of sexual deviancies out there that completely normal men have. Some like to be tied up, some like to be dressed up in leather, some like to watch porn (okay, ALL like to watch porn), some have a standing account at the ADULT XXX store on Harbor in Santa Ana. So many guys are into so many different things, that I can’t tell you what to do specifically to please a man. Don’t be afraid to ask a guy what he’s into. But do it at the right time. I’ve found the best time to ask someone is after the first of several romps in an all-night sex marathon. Like, maybe the first one you have with a new guy (not the first sexual encounter, but the first four-plus-romp night you have). After the first one or two times you could be cuddling and you say “so, what’s your guilty pleasure,” or “what do you want me to do to you?” You’re not a slut or a freak for this, you are a girl who is good in bed. Another good time is when you have teased him for a while and he is totally aroused (this is an even better time to tell him what to do to you). Like go down on him for a while then slither up to his ear and ask “What are you into?” I will say that if he is into some kinky shit that you absolutely refuse to do, stop seeing him. If he’s not satisfied he will either cheat or leave

I will also tell you to keep your mind open to doing new things that you may have previously thought of as “gross” or “nasty.” There are some very good guys out there who happen to like being whipped. Guys are turned on by the notion that you want to do something, not that you are willing to do it because you like him. You see the difference? Women who are good in bed are willing to try just about anything. Women who are unbelievable in bed will initiate trying just about anything. Women who are the subject of fantasies five years later just do it and don’t ask. Everyone else falls into the great big mass of “Other.”

Guys like bald pussies. Every girl I hooked up with in California with one exception was totally shaved. You will get waaaay more oral sex if you do it. But I’m sure your best friend will cover this one in depth. Vaginal maintenance is more her department, but the better you do it, the more action you’ll get. This is the only reason men shave their balls.

A lot of guys like eating pussy. A lot of guys don’t. If you like getting your pussy eaten, do not date one in the second category and vice versa. Sex has a lot more to do with relationships than you may believe. If one partner is not satisfied, it will ultimately fall apart. There is a defining moment in any relationship where the other person’s sexual boundaries are discovered. If the boundaries are not in the same place, and one is not willing to expand, the relationship will NEVER work. I discovered Lola’s at four months and held on for another 7. Big mistake.


And, although you said don’t mention it, I’m going to anyway. Anal sex. Most girls don’t like it, but there are some who do. And they ABSOLUTELY LOVE it. One of the girl cheerleaders from High School once told the squad she liked it, and was made fun of. She asked if any of them had tried it and they all said “No.” Her response: “Well, girls, let me tell you, don’t knock it till you try it.” A good time to give it a try? When you’re drunk. If you or your partner loves it you will thank me profusely. If you’re not so into it, then realize that and that is a sexual boundary. I will also add that girls who are into this stuff are immediately thrust into the category of sexual elite along with girls who are into other girls. Your boyfriend will brag about you, trust me.

And speaking of girl on girl action……NO idea what your interest in that is. This is one area I will say you can knock if you’ve never tried. If you are curious, go for it, because with girls there is no stigma attached to it. But this is an area I know NOTHING about. I will say that of the girls I put in my top echelon, all have been with women at some point or another. But not something you should do to please a guy. Like many of these warnings, not something I would expect you to do, but I throw it out there anyway.

6 Comments:

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