GUIDE TO SEX AND DATING 6: Male Friends, One Night Stands, and Using Guys
A word on male friends: Every male friend you have that is not related to you would have sex with you if you asked. There are no exceptions, except maybe Sean. I don’t care what you think, or what you think you know, you are a girl and above a four and 21 years old and every male friend you have has thought about having sex with you at some point or another. Their degrees of proactivity may vary on this matter, but it is true. For more on this visit Intellectual Whores or Ladder Theory
Do not, under ANY circumstances, invite a guy you just meet home with you unless you are prepared to have sex (at least oral) with him. You may like him and want to keep talking or make out and you may say, “Yes, you can come over but I’m not having sex with you.” But if I had a nickel for every girl who has told me that and then ripped my shirt off as soon as we got home, I might be able to buy a can of Diet Coke. He may say “Okay, fine,” but he is still expecting to get some. Conversely, do not believe a guy who invites you over and says “We don’t have to do anything, I just want to stay with you.” By with you, he means in you. It is bullshit, go home alone or with your girlfriends. Unless you want to have sex with him, then by all means, go to town sister.
Do not concern yourself with what others will think if you sleep with someone. If you aren’t comfortable doing it, then don’t do it, obviously. But if you meet a hot guy at a party and you are extremely horny and you want to do it, don’t think “God, what would Jackie say?” The only reason you shouldn’t do it is if you don’t want to. You generally don’t make decisions based on what other people think anyway. Again, I am not saying to be a slut, I’m saying that a few one night stands over the course of your twenties is not necessarily a bad thing. Just always be careful and only do what you are comfortable with. And if you want a relationship with him, don’t do it either. One night stands are what they are, nothing more and nothing less. Don’t expect a call. Don’t ask for a number. Don’t expect much other than a hot night and a ride home in the morning. And always know where your money is.
Don’t ask for a guy’s number unsolicited unless you are prepared to call him. Similarly do not give yours out unless you actually want that guy to call you. This may be a “duh,” but it does not always work that way. Don’t be afraid to call a guy you like whose number you got and ask him out. That is hot. If a sleazy guy is asking for your number, and you don’t want to be mean, ask him for his (this would be solicited) then throw it away/delete it. If he insists on getting yours, you can either A) Write it totally illegibly B) “Accidentally” leave a number off when you program it into his phone (and yours is easy because you have three 3’s in a row. “Oops! forgot one!”) C) Give him a fake number (NOT nice, especially if you see him again) or D) Start giving it to him and get distracted by a friend or something.
Exclusivity is a tough topic to tackle. I think about four to six weeks is the right time to start asking if he is seeing anyone else. Get what you want, you know. Don’t push for a commitment, but if its what you want, then don’t be afraid to leave. Men are like busses…You miss one, and there’s another one along in five minutes.
There are myriad other things I have discussed with you already like using guys for drinks, dinners, ballgame tickets, whatever. Don’t do it. It gives women a bad name and makes you “just like the rest of them.” There is a difference between wanting to date professional men and using guys, make sure you don’t confuse them. Using, by the way, is defined to most modern males as dating where he pays for everything with no sex.
SOME OTHER SOURCES
While I like to think I know a decent amount about what’s out there, and like to opine to great lengths about sex, there are some other people that know a little more than I and are generally fairly accurate
TOM LEYKIS – You’ve heard me quote him and he may be a misogynistic bastard, but probably 90% of the stuff he says is GENRALLY true. Like it or not. You will listen to his show, and you will hate him and think he is a sexist pig, and you may be right, but so is he. His show is on in SoCal from 4-8 every day on KLSX 97.1 FM. Listen to it when you get a chance, and you will learn some shit. His basic rules can be found here.
COSMO – The same shit every month, but read like three of their “Hot Sex Tips” articles and you will learn to do some cool shit. They are not 100% accurate about what guys like, but you can definitely expand your repertoire
Intellectual Whores and Ladder Theory – A couple of websites I referenced earlier that may keep you from misleading guys