Shortage of White Girls
Miami is known for having beautiful women, right? I mean, take one look at The Travel Channel or Wild On or MTV and you would think every female in Dade County walked around in a string bikini and had surgical implants. And the beach is topless, for chrissakes, how could you NOT have the best looking women in the world? And to some this may be true. But live here for a few years and all that changes.
Every Freshmen guy I knew in college had at least a one year case of the “Whoa-look-at-that’s.” This is a condition where you feel the necessity to notice, and point out to your friends around you, every scantily clad female lying on the beach, walking to class or buying gum at the 7-11. And Miami has its share of those. But if you are an “American,” and you live here for more than a year, the whoa look at that’s quickly become a severe case of the “yeah, so what’s.” Why? Because after talking to a sample of them you soon realize that few if any speak fluent English and even fewer do it without some sort of accent and even fewer give you any respect sine you are an “American.” So if you like Maria’s, Lissette’s and Tatiana’s, you are probably in heaven. But if you’re into Nicole’s, Ashley’s, and Emily’s, you are shit out of luck.
I like Latin girls as people, don’t get me wrong, but they do absolutely nothing for me below the waistline (and, no, this is not a comment on the phenomenon known as “Latin Booty.”) People are generally sexually attracted to people who look like they do. The only girlfriend I ever had that I was attracted to was tall, blonde and had blue eyes. Much like myself. I dated an Asian for a year and never wanted to have sex with her. I dated a Cuban girl for like a minute last month, and it did nothing for me. This is just a psychological thing, I am sure, and there are plenty of interracial couples in Miami, and more power to those people. But me (and many of my white male friends) the only girls who really excite me are white, American and non-Jewish. Finding a girl like that in Dade County is kind of looking for a liberated, independent woman in Afghanistan.
The Hag, BEF and I took a trip to State College, PA last weekend to visit the Hag’s sister and take in the Penn St.-Wisconsin football game. Upon arriving in University Park, we all instantly got a relapse of the “whoa-look-at-that’s.” White girls. Everywhere. Girls that I probably would have considered mediocre when living in Orange County were now cold water on a hot day. I asked a girl where she was from and when she answered “Columbia,” it took me a few minutes to realize she meant Maryland and not Medellin. And it was wonderful to talk about rock music and domestic beer with a female. It was even nicer when they all understood my name and pronounced it right. Standing in the student section at the football game gave us enough eye candy in a five-row radius to last for months. Going out to parties there was like being a kid in a candy store, just white girl after white girl after white girl. We took pictures, but as soon as we crossed the county line back into Dade, magically all of the girls in our pictures turned from tall blondes to short Latinas. Kind of like in “The Ring” when the people’s photos get blurry after they watch the video? That’s what happens to images of white girls when you get into Miami. Call it the curse of Dade County.
It dawned on me that white guys who live in Miami are probably the only people on earth who would say that Central Pennsylvania had better looking women than South Florida. But you know what? If you’re not attracted to Latin girls, it’s probably true. The only white guys I know besides myself who stayed in Miami after graduation did so for one reason: They had a Latin girlfriend they were sticking around for. But if you’re not attracted to Latinas, grad school in State College is definitely not out of the question.