Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Sound Bites From a Date With A Cuban Girl

“I love going out to dinner, to nice restaurants. Like, when I go out on a date, I expect to be taken somewhere really nice. That whole experience, I really love it. And I think it’s worth the money to do that.” Of course it’s worth the money, Katarina, because IT’S NOT YOURS!

“I know after I have kids I’m going to be one of those women who never loses the weight. I don’t even know if I want kids, because I like nice things and I don’t want to have to spend money on anybody else.” Well, good to see we have one thing in common

“Oooh. So you’re a trainer? What can I do to get rid of my belly? Oh, and my ass, I totally need to get my ass smaller.” How about eating at less of those fancy restaurants you do so love to have men take you to. That might be a good start.

“I like nice bars, you know? Where you can like sit, and order some nice drinks and not have to talk over everybody like in a dirty bar or a big club. Like I would never set foot in Barracudas or Moe’s or Sandbar or, eww, no, never The Tavern.” Really? Those are the ONLY places I go.

"My sister says I'm rude to waiters. Like, I'm totally not rude, but its like, take my order and go away. I'm short with you because I don't want to talk to you. Don't you get it?" If by "it" you mean "spit in my food," then yes.

“I know this might be a turnoff, but my goal in life is to marry a man who is going to take care of me and support me.” So I guess a Baby Blue ’02 Saturn must just scream “I’ll pay your bills.” Why are you out with me again?

“I really only like to date good looking guys. Like, I have to be totally physically attracted to you to go out with you. Does that sound shallow?” No, not at all. You’re lucky I don’t hold myself to the same standards, though.

“My ex-boyfriend was totally gorgeous. Like, perfect, he could have been a model. God he was hot, I was totally in love with him.” Hmm. My ex-girlfriend was a coke addicted stripper who used to hit me all the time. Shall we drop this subject now or wait until one of us starts crying?

8 Comments:

At 1:03 AM, Anonymous Johnson said...

The date should've been over the first time she disparaged The Tavern.

 
At 7:10 PM, Anonymous Jeb Jr. said...

This how assault and battery of a female happens. If only people could tapes of this part ready to bring into court...

 
At 4:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

awesome, I lived in South Florida for a few miserable years in the late 90s' (I'm a Jew from suburban NJ)

the low point for me was getting this sexy but brain-dead Cuban girl's # at a club. Couple of weeks later. I'm horny so I call her to go out for dinner. She's game. I drive to some ratty ass neighborhood (Hialeah maybe?) in my respectable 98 Sentra. Pull up to what had to have been one of the tiniest postage stamp lot bungalows an extended family of 7 ever packed into. Bitch comes out hops in my car and goes "Dahmm, these cars gotno bass in it" Then she said to drive quick so no one would see her in my car. I asked her why she was ashamed, since how could they tell my sound system was no bueno? Well my rims were no good either, plus it was dusty. So my ride gets no respect from a 26 year old restaurant hostess who lives with her parents and others in a house that could fit into the pool house of my parents place in Jersey. Anyway I moved back to Jersey 6 months later to take a much better paying job, so I got rid of the Sentra. And the rims and stereo on my 6 Series are stock and I still manage to pull all sorts of quality NJ trim. Go figure.

 
At 10:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

man...that chick needs a labotomy..

 
At 12:26 AM, Blogger Dayngr said...

Hmmm, wonder where she is now and if you ended up doing her.

 
At 3:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait...That sounds like less of Cuban girl and more like a valley girl. I know many Cuban girls and most of them like to talk about family, background, and hobbies.

 
At 12:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How typical. Repatriate all Cubans, they treat Miami like their colony.

 
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