Monday, January 09, 2006

Okay, So you Banged a Hot Chick...That Don't Impress Me Much

Why, I ask, do guys continuously feel it necessary to email me pictures of girls they sleep with? I didn’t ask. Hell, I may even have asked you not to send me pictures at some point. Do you really think I am going to be impressed that you managed to sleep with something over a 6? Congratulations. Wow. So you got to bang some 19-year-old blonde Canadian on a cruise. Perhaps you should consider getting your dick embronzed.


SO YOU GOT TO STICK IT IN THE CHICK IN THE RED? OUTSTANDING. THAT IS NO REASON TO TAKE UP MY VALUABLE GMAIL SPACE



And as if your unsolicited exhibitions of sexual conquest were not enough, why do you feel it necessary to send me additional pictures? “No, no, guys, really, she was hot. Look, here’s more pictures to show you how really, really hot this chick was. That first picture was a little blurry, so I had to send you another one to show you how rediculously, rediculously hot she was. Look! She’s hot!!” Oh, oh, oh, my mistake. I was going to put you up for belt contention before I got this venerable photo essay. Thanks, I think I‘ll make her my wallpaper and jerk off to it when I get bored at work. Better yet, I think I'll go in the back and pay homage to my altar I have to you and the amazingly, amazingly hot girls that you bang. That’s what I do with these pictures, you know. Gosh, you are one lucky guy. I wish I had the impeccable game that you do, then I, too, could be getting girls this hot.

I find bragging to one of the most distasteful things a person can do. If you accomplish something, terrific. Outstanding. But don’t go telling everybody about it unless they ask. If I said, “Hey did you get laid last night?” feel free to say yes. If I ask for a picture, feel free to show it to me. If I say “Did you have that threesome this weekend or what?” feel free to give me a full-on Penthouse letter. But if I don’t ask you any of these questions it probably means I either A) Don’t care B) Don’t want to know or, most likely C) BOTH. If I get laid, people don’t know unless they ask, “So, did you end up fucking that girl?” Do you ever see me sending you even 1 picture of girls I’ve been with? Of course not. (The only exception to this rule is fat girls. Because fucking fat girls is funny, and nobody is really going to be jealous if you’re fucking something like this. ) One might argue that this is because my typical sex partner would break the lens on any self-respecting camera, but on the odd occasion that I do get to hook up with a girl I do not find physically repulsive in the morning, I pretty much keep it to myself. Why? Because as a wise football coach from Pennsylvania once said. “Act like you’ve been there before.”

5 Comments:

At 6:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Okay, so you have a fucking blog and you are white...that don't impress me much"


Often, between friends, one notes interesting things that have occurred during the course of the day or week. While this certainly does not condone bragging or sending emails of girls etc, it may qualify as something worth talking about. It is likely that the person conversing with you thinks this is a topic you may take interest in and is not bragging at all.

Hell, you have an entire website devoted to interesting tidbits of things that happen to you, or opinions on things that you may have. There is a difference between trying to "impress" you, and simply reflecting on a particularly intriguing event (possibly involving a female) with you to fill in time between silences.

In fact, removing all talk of interesting things happening to you with women eliminates quite a bit of normal conversation. Enjoy future conversations of sports & politics...

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger The Daily Magnet said...

Well, I think you are absolutely on the money.
Guys who have to bridge-up to one another, have NO lives. It is so banal and tawdry and just plain pointless, not to mention objectifying women so they are as soulless as the guys who are talking about them.

 
At 2:54 PM, Blogger Betty said...

Anonymous can go fuck himself. How do men expect women to fuck like a man when they are constantly putting us in the position of being the one that got fucked. Bragging is not cool, really not cool. If you want to brag about me, all bragging must be pre approved and done on a high five "we both got laid" basis. And the sex has to be rockstar. Bragging is what keeps me celibate. No man should put himself in my numbers especially if I don't want him there. The few times someone has bragged about me have actually been the worst lays. I am a man's worst critic when it comes to this, because I am the most honest person you will meet. Sex shouldn't be a competition.

Just a woman's point of view, nice post, White Dade.

 
At 3:53 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Yes, Anonymous can eat a dick. Of course, that is probably why he decided to remain “anonymous.”

Betty, I will say it again, you have the most healthy, well-adjusted sexual attitude of any girl I know/read about. Except for that whole not liking to be on top thing. Thanks for the input.

So gents, the next time you feel like bragging, please reference this comments section

 
At 12:22 PM, Anonymous the banger said...

what an amazing rant! why havent you pursued a career as a professional author?? although no one will read this because i am, as usual, a week late, i feel i should post this nonetheless. i am the guy who banged that chick. now for anyone reading this blog who does NOT personally know "white dade" and i, which is all of you, you would be led to believe that i was, in fact, bragging. while the fact remains that i do typically fuck hotter chicks than white dade, it is known amongst himself, myself, and our friends that this is simply one of the comical differences between our personalities. it should be noted that when i came back from the cruise on which the banging took place, the first question asked by white dade as well as every other one of my/our friends was, "did you get laid? did you take pictures?" at which point i proceeded to answer these questions with an enthusiastic, "yes!" why, you ask? because it just so happened that this chick was pretty hot, and in the sack she was great, and if you had reviewed my "list," as white dade has, you would know that it was probably my best sexual encounter to date. as such, it was a topic that we discussed with great fervor, for a short period, and was overall quite entertaining as a mere anecdote. the alleged "bragging" that sent white dade into this tailspin was me simply sending a recent photo of the chick to him, as the one he posted in his blog is about 1 1/2 years old. my God, what a horrible, annoying human being i am!! how dare i?!?! now i know that the point of the blog was simply to entertain whoever the fuck it is that reads this, but i still feel obligated to also give the true story behind the generalized rant. good day.

 

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