So Much for that Stephanie-Summer Catfight
I am not a Friendster person. Nor am I a MySpace person, a Facebook person or any other “find people who don’t want anything to do with you” service person. But I did start a Friendster account a few months ago for reasons I do not remember. I think Jeff Zanotti slipped me something when I was in Birmingham and……Voila! I woke up thinking I needed to get on Friendster. After great searching and tribulation, or maybe just a search for “University of Miami 1998-2002," I have been able to locate the following extremely relevant and notable people through this great advance in human technology:
1.) An ex-fratenity brother whose sole memory of me is my stealing his wallet when he passed out drunk as a pledge
2.) Two extremely hot ex-girlfriends of my boy Sally, who have decided to put their petty college age differences behind them (one stole Sally from the other) and become friends. At least online. Seeing as how one of them lives in Vermont and the other in Miami, this shouldn’t be too difficult. This has effectively killed my Stef-Summer catfight fantasy. It has now been replaced by a Stef-Summer "reconciliation" fantasy.
3.) Two Miss Florida contestants I used to train who now look like they could challenge for the crown. At least in their professionally taken Friendster pictures. Glad they look so great now that they aren't representing me at Miss Florida.
4.) A bunch of people who look like I would hate them if I met them. Actually, I probably have met them. And I probably did hate them.
Apparently my most recent ex has a MySpace page where she documents all the guys she goes out with and, I would assume, sleeps with. I’ll definitely be staying off of that one. She also has something like 129 MySpace friends. I am guessing, and I have never read her page, but I am guessing that she has listed every dude who bothers to send her an unsolicited message because she describes herself as a 5’10” blonde who “likes to party and meet boys” as her “friend.” Or maybe she has met 126 more people since September.
The Hag’s sister told me I could get on Facebook with my old U of Miami alias address. This is an email they give you that automatically forwards to the address of your choice for the rest of your life. Mine breaks down to roughly five grand a letter. But as much as I do love discussing Laguna Beach with college girls, I spend enough time doing that in real life. I feel that at least my internet pursuits should have some kind of intellectual content.
This does not mean I am swearing off of Friendster, mind you. I need somewhere to put my digital photos that I have no idea how to download and/or put on paper. Am I the only person who misses photo albums?