Wednesday, January 11, 2006

You Say I Have Low Standards, I Say it's a Bell Curve

In order to have a statistically valid sample, you must draw from a representation of the population in general. Your sample, should it be statistically accurate, will represent something like the bell curve to my right. And so it was that I discovered my sexual history is, as far as appearance is concerned, a valid statistical sample for study. Some background: Since I have about as much to do at work these days as the Iraqi board of Tourism, I can spend hours upon hours on pointless endeavors. This particular pointless endeavor was a complex excel spreadsheet of my sexual history including categories such as age, ability, appearance, ethnicity, location, age differential, # of encounters and a comments section. I learned a lot of things that I would not have had I not put all this down on paper. Or whatever it is they make computer screens out of. Thanks to an advanced Excel class I took compliments of my previous employer, I was able to do some complex statistical analysis on mine, and discovered some very interesting things. First, some numbers:

This highly unscientific study was done over a 63 month period from August 1999 until October 2005. I will not divulge the exact number of participants, but it is enough to garner a valid statistical sample. But it’s not THAT high. Only girls who engaged in intercourse were considered. They ranged in age from 16-46 and were taken primarily from California, Florida and Washington State.


Average Age: 24
Average Appearance: 5.42
Average Ability: 5.75
Ethnic Breakdown:
White: 69.5%
Cuban: 10.8%
Asian: 4.3%*
Jewish: 4.3%*
Other: 13%
*1 Was both Asain and Jewish, and therefore was counted twice.
11% of girls will do anal
28% used protection 100% of the time
61% were one encounter only

Now, my findings via these statistics

1. When rated by appearance, my history resembles an almost perfect bell curve. The median is 5, there are as many 1.5’s as there are 8.5’s (my lowest and highest ratings, respectively).

2. Nearly all fit between two standard deviations of the median. So you can say I have low standards, I say I just hook up with a valid representation of the population in general.

3. Once the bar is lowered, pretty much anything can jump over. Before I had my first experience with a fat girl, the average appearance was 6.65. After it was 4.48. Similarly, 46% of those I’ve been with since have rated the term “fat.”

4. There is not really a correlation between appearance and ability. Nor is there a correlation between age and ability. Some would argue that uglier/older girls are better in bed due to a need to compensate and vice versa, but I have not found this to be true.

5. While I am occasionally chided for hooking up with the occasional fatty, those that have rated four or more encounters average about a 6.8.

6. Northern California girls rate highest in appearance and ability.

7. Asians rate highest in appearance, Jews highest in ability. Which is odd because I really don’t like either one. I guess if I was going to make an exception, it had to be worth it

8. Cuban girls rated lowest in ability. Big surprise. Misc. international rated lowest in appearance.

9. Median age differential was 2 years younger. AVERAGE age differential was .8 years older. I blame this on statistical outliers.

10. Only one girl rated in the top 5 of appearance and ability. She was also the youngest.

11. Less than 25% were on more than 2 occasions

12. A typical girl would be a white girl from Miami that was 22 years old when I was 24, looked about a 5 and a half, was a 6 in bed and rated only 2 encounters.

I highly encourage all of you to make a spreadsheet of your own. You will find its creation and analysis both entertaining and fascinating. My friends, male and female, who have done it have all enjoyed it, even if their sexual histories could fit on a post it note. I have come to the conclusion that I really should become a sex statistician, collecting sexual statistical data from various people and performing its analysis. I think I could do stuff like that for the rest of my life.

If you would like a copy of mine as a template, it is available upon request via the email link in my profile. I may deny your request if you are someone I know. Similarly, if you would like to send me yours, I would be more than happy to perform a statistical analysis on it and present you the findings.

8 Comments:

At 2:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you could name someone that is a 9 or a 10 (famous or not), who would it be?

 
At 1:16 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

To whoever the anonymous poster is, I'd answer that Angelina Jolie is a 10. But then again, I have a thing for chicks with tattoos and who carry around vials of blood from their husband.

 
At 1:58 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Jessica Simpson, I believe, would rate in that 9-10 category.

Also included: Rachel from "One Tree Hill," Heidi Klum and Melissa Miller

 
At 4:57 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

I'd also put Famke Janssen (Jean Grey from X-Men up there).

 
At 12:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay, so then who do you rate as a 7 or 8?

 
At 12:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay, so then who do you rate as a 7 or 8?

 
At 1:20 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

I would rate Tara Reid about a 7. Lucy Liu, similarly,about a 7. Jessica Alba (I've met her, 7 is generous). 8, maybe Paris Hilton. Scarlett Johansen.

 
At 6:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK I think you are a bit confused about the bell curve. Obviously not all samples look something like a bell curve. For example, if you sampled people by asking them how many dunks they have done, most of them would be 0 (or 2 or 3 on a novelty kiddy backboard), and then there would be very few people who dunked 50 times, and then there would be a spike once you got over 1000 because people who know how to dunk have to practice it and do it all the time. It wouldnt like a bell at all, it would look like a cliff followed by a big valley and then a short,very wide hill.

The bell curve means that if you started selecting subsets of the entire population and plotted the averages of these individual subsets then that curve would look like a bell curve. This is the law of averages. The bell curve and the law of averages are often misunderstood.

 

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