Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Hello, My Name is White Dade, And I'm A Blog Addict

How do you know when blogging is becoming a sickness? There are all sorts of websites devoted to letting you know when you are addicted to alcohol, or drugs, or even sex (“Sex Addiction.” Yeah, right. It’s called being male), but how do you know when the blogosphere has consumed you to a point that it is hurting you those around you? At what point do you stop controlling the blog and the blog starts controlling you?

It starts out harmlessly enough. “Hey, I’m just gonna jot down some random thoughts and interesting stories that happen to me. I’ll send the web address to a couple of friends so they can read it and maybe I’ll check out a few other blogs, just for fun. On coffee breaks.” And then coffee breaks become lunch hours, and lunch hours become after hours and after hours become working hours and one day you turn around and you have no friends, no job, and haven’t gotten laid since Columbus Day. But, I’ll be goddamned if you didn’t finally get linked by Gawker.

So before you decide to leave your wife and kids and go spend your last days living in Vegas with a street whore and blogging all day, perhaps you should take heed of some signs that your blogging may be getting out of control:

1. Friends stop talking to you because of something you put on your blog. Oh, thought nobody reads it? Thought it was impossible to find? Thought your little online journal was magically invisible to those you didn’t want to see it? Go right on thinking that and see how many friends you have left. Who exactly do you think those 1200 people reading your blog every day are?

2. Everything you do is a blog post. “Hey, I went to Target last night and spent $55 even though my list just said Mouthwash, Lightbulbs, Cereal and Air Freshener. Man, that would make one Hell of a post.” And frighteningly enough, sometimes it does.

3. You get depressed when you get a negative comment, or, worse, no comments at all. People who let those of the opposite sex determine their happiness are sad enough, but once you start letting commenters determine your self-worth, you are in trouble.

4. The highlight of your week is another blogger telling you they like your blog. They’re probably just being polite.

5. You can’t watch an episode of CSI without thinking about The Daily Dump. I used to enjoy that show, I really did. Now, I just wonder what Dan’s take on the same episode was. (I believe the correct term to insert here, and correct me if I am wrong, would be "No Homo" But we don't have that phrase in Miami, so I'm not sure). I don’t really care, but I still wonder.

6. The only emails you read are your comments. Apparently I have a friend in Arizona who emailed me six times last week. I guess he has not yet been informed that I only communicate via blog.

7. The work in your inbox has piled up and you don’t care. Your blog traffic is up, that’s all that matters.

8. You end up staying at the office until 8PM and you haven’t had a thing to do since 4.

9. You start having dreams about bloggers.
Last night, I had a dream that I was sitting in the waiting room of the Las Vegas Crime Lab, anticipating the arrival of one Dr. Gil Grissom, with another blogger who I have never communicated with outside of the comments box (and, no, it wasn't Dan, that would actually make a little sense). I woke up vaguely disturbed.

10. Your boss informs you that you are spending too much time in your office. Sometimes I am jealous of all the corporate drone bloggers because they can pass off the time they spend blogging as "work," since they are supposed to be at their desk all day. And while I spend 100% of my online time on the clock, theoretically I am supposed to be out on the gym floor. But when you manage a gym with an average of three peopele in it at a time, that makes that task just a bit on the boring side. "Yep, still two old ladies on the bikes and a fat guy doing crunches. Nobody's had a heart attack. Okay, and 7 hours and 58 minutes to go." Well, apparently some old people felt they weren't getting enough attention and that I always looked "busy" in my office and they were afraid to approach me. I'm a nice guy, very aproachable. I have no idea where they are getting that perception from. At any rate, I have been instructed to not spend 75% of my day in my office and instead give our members more attention. Because I just know everyone loves having some big punk kid correcting their form. And besides, don't they understand I have a blog to write?

So anyway if I’m a little absent for a while, this is why. And if I’m not, well, it probably means it won’t be long until you see me on “Intervention” with my roommate saying, “I just think you should know how your blogging has affected me…’


At 8:40 PM, Blogger Tara said...

Dade, these are priceless. BTW, I really like your blog, did I make your day? Hehe.

I found myself confronting my own blog addiction while reading these. I cancelled two of my blogs when I first started out because nobody was responding to my posts. My friend called me a blog diva. :)

Also, I spend lots of time in front of my computer and reps will come by to take people on tours of our place and they'll say "And there's Tara, always at her desk working diligently." Yeah, working diligently to get this blog of mine updated! Whew! It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it. Can't wait till I get home, that would be insane.

At 9:32 PM, Blogger nicole said...

Dade, that's so not right. I mean, item #2 was so OBVIOUSLY directed at me. How many Target posts have I written so far, dude??

Oh and #3 has got my name on it too. Am I really that far gone???

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with being blog addicted. Who needs interpersonal relationships anyway?

At 7:57 AM, Blogger White Dade said...

Tara - Yeah, between that and you comment about not wanting kids, you may be the White Dade Gold Star Commenter of The Week. Blog Diva, huh? yeah, I know a few of those.

Nicole - Did I mention sign #11: You think every blog post is related to you? Actually, #2 happened to me on Tuesday night, but I would be lying if I told you the thought "Gee, this sounds like a post from nicolemart" didn't go through my head. No lie. Like the Daily Dump and CSI is you and Target. Like I said, I need some goddam help.

At 7:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, GOD, PUHLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEZE! UR killin me with boredom....zzzzz. Somebody get this guy some sex so he can start writing something decetn.

At 11:14 AM, Blogger MonkeyPants said...

Oh dear, #9 actually happened already. I dreamt I was wearing capri pants and ran into "Copyranter." Abort! Abort!

At 1:25 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

"I'm a nice guy, very approachable."

Sorry, this made me think of the time we were at the grocery store and you bitched out the old lady in-front of us because she debated the price of a loaf of bread. (I admit though it was ridiculous, I laugh even more when I remember you offered to give her the ten cent difference.)

At 4:01 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

I'm not only addicted to blogging, but I'm addicted to other people's blogs. ARGH, I'm shaking and sweating and going through withdrawal pains. I haven't had a White Dade blog update in almost 12 hours!!!

At 4:11 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Anon - I'm going to use that next time I'm at the Tavern. "Look, I'f you're not doing it for yourself, do it for the readers of 'White Dade.'"

M. Pants - Welcome to White Dade. Copyranter scares me a lot too. Sometimes I think he's the guy turning my lights on at night for no reason.

Joe - Yeah, I remeber that. I am a nice guy, provided you don't make me wait any longer than I have to for anything.

Johnson - Patience, my child. A new post is imminent.

At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Kent said...

Why do you censor Kent Tekulve? I thought you put EVERYTHING up? God forbid we offend a bunch of New Yorkers.

Kent Tekulve
Parts Unknown

At 4:19 PM, Anonymous Sparky said...

He censors me too! I think he secretly wishes he was a New Yorker.

Sparky Lyle
Detroit, MI

At 2:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What if you are addicted to commenting on blogs but you don't even have you? I mean...that is pathetic and at the bottom of the totem pole of life. Sniff, sob

At 12:37 AM, Blogger mld said...

It's your Day. Congrats. Good luck cleaning up the mess at work! I found your post entertaining. Everyone has an opinion, to each his/her own.......


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