Hello, My Name is White Dade, And I'm A Blog Addict
How do you know when blogging is becoming a sickness? There are all sorts of websites devoted to letting you know when you are addicted to alcohol, or drugs, or even sex (“Sex Addiction.” Yeah, right. It’s called being male), but how do you know when the blogosphere has consumed you to a point that it is hurting you those around you? At what point do you stop controlling the blog and the blog starts controlling you?
It starts out harmlessly enough. “Hey, I’m just gonna jot down some random thoughts and interesting stories that happen to me. I’ll send the web address to a couple of friends so they can read it and maybe I’ll check out a few other blogs, just for fun. On coffee breaks.” And then coffee breaks become lunch hours, and lunch hours become after hours and after hours become working hours and one day you turn around and you have no friends, no job, and haven’t gotten laid since Columbus Day. But, I’ll be goddamned if you didn’t finally get linked by Gawker.
So before you decide to leave your wife and kids and go spend your last days living in Vegas with a street whore and blogging all day, perhaps you should take heed of some signs that your blogging may be getting out of control:
1. Friends stop talking to you because of something you put on your blog. Oh, thought nobody reads it? Thought it was impossible to find? Thought your little online journal was magically invisible to those you didn’t want to see it? Go right on thinking that and see how many friends you have left. Who exactly do you think those 1200 people reading your blog every day are?
2. Everything you do is a blog post. “Hey, I went to Target last night and spent $55 even though my list just said Mouthwash, Lightbulbs, Cereal and Air Freshener. Man, that would make one Hell of a post.” And frighteningly enough, sometimes it does.
3. You get depressed when you get a negative comment, or, worse, no comments at all. People who let those of the opposite sex determine their happiness are sad enough, but once you start letting commenters determine your self-worth, you are in trouble.
4. The highlight of your week is another blogger telling you they like your blog. They’re probably just being polite.
5. You can’t watch an episode of CSI without thinking about The Daily Dump. I used to enjoy that show, I really did. Now, I just wonder what Dan’s take on the same episode was. (I believe the correct term to insert here, and correct me if I am wrong, would be "No Homo" But we don't have that phrase in Miami, so I'm not sure). I don’t really care, but I still wonder.
6. The only emails you read are your comments. Apparently I have a friend in Arizona who emailed me six times last week. I guess he has not yet been informed that I only communicate via blog.
7. The work in your inbox has piled up and you don’t care. Your blog traffic is up, that’s all that matters.
8. You end up staying at the office until 8PM and you haven’t had a thing to do since 4.
9. You start having dreams about bloggers. Last night, I had a dream that I was sitting in the waiting room of the Las Vegas Crime Lab, anticipating the arrival of one Dr. Gil Grissom, with another blogger who I have never communicated with outside of the comments box (and, no, it wasn't Dan, that would actually make a little sense). I woke up vaguely disturbed.
10. Your boss informs you that you are spending too much time in your office. Sometimes I am jealous of all the corporate drone bloggers because they can pass off the time they spend blogging as "work," since they are supposed to be at their desk all day. And while I spend 100% of my online time on the clock, theoretically I am supposed to be out on the gym floor. But when you manage a gym with an average of three peopele in it at a time, that makes that task just a bit on the boring side. "Yep, still two old ladies on the bikes and a fat guy doing crunches. Nobody's had a heart attack. Okay, and 7 hours and 58 minutes to go." Well, apparently some old people felt they weren't getting enough attention and that I always looked "busy" in my office and they were afraid to approach me. I'm a nice guy, very aproachable. I have no idea where they are getting that perception from. At any rate, I have been instructed to not spend 75% of my day in my office and instead give our members more attention. Because I just know everyone loves having some big punk kid correcting their form. And besides, don't they understand I have a blog to write?
So anyway if I’m a little absent for a while, this is why. And if I’m not, well, it probably means it won’t be long until you see me on “Intervention” with my roommate saying, “I just think you should know how your blogging has affected me…’