Tuesday, February 07, 2006

So You Wanna Date a Stripper?

You think it’ll be cool, don’t you? I mean, they must be amazing in bed, and they are always hot. Not to mention the feeling you get watching countless men ogle the woman you are going to go home and fuck until the sun comes up. You are the man. You are the king. That’s your girl up there! The illegal immigrants and dirty old men can fantasize about her all they want, but you’re the one who’s gonna be doing it for real. The first time you walk into a strip club and have a stripper hand you money is one of the most gratifying feelings you will ever have. Like you have scored some great cosmic victory against the adult entertainment industry.

And while sex in the VIP room of a strip club is a fantasy most men have had since they saw "Beverley Hills Cop” at age 5 and wondered where these clubs full of naked women were located, the price you have to pay is severe. “Now wait, White Dade,” you say, “Can’t I just go into a strip club and if I’m cute and have some good game and a few grams of coke I can do that anyway?” HA! I say, HA! Why “HA!,” you ask? Fucking a stripper you meet at the club is an urban legend, that’s why. I have dated multiple strippers and managed a club for a short time, and I never saw much more than an extremely overpriced blowjob take place. And that was in a club that can only be described as the nastiest dive bar you’ve ever been to with a pole behind it. Any guy who tells you he fucked a stripper at the club, or took her home without a minimum of 8 grams of cocaine, should be treated with the same amount of credibility as a man who claims he doesn’t masturbate.

The only man who gets the privilege of getting ridden bareback in the champagne room and then being handed $800 in cash is Strip Club Boyfriend. You all know Strip Club Boyfriend. He’s that young, fairly attractive guy sitting in the back of the club with a look on his face like he is waiting for his name to be called at the DMV. He could not be more bored by the scores of naked women walking by, and he is probably either reading a magazine or talking on his cell phone. Possibly both. Either way he is a surly sonofabitch and doesn’t want to talk to you. I have mastered the art of Strip Club Boyfriend. I go to clubs with friends now and if they are off getting lap dances, the bouncers come up and ask who I am waiting for. It’s pretty funny.

You know why SCBF is so pissed off? Because he knows the entire car ride home he may get in three words as his girlfriend regales her tales of the nasty customer who tried to lick her vagina and how drunk Boogie, Barbie and Princess were. Then she will no doubt do a few key bumps of coke as he drives her home at 3 AM, causing her to talk incessantly into the night, even though he has to get up for work at 7:30 (actually, that last part isn’t really true. Strip Club Boyfriend generally has one job, and that is Strip Club Boyfriend. If you are in LA, he is an actor). He also knows that when he gets home his girlfriend will not want to have sex because she has been getting naked all night and is too tired. She will want sex, however, at the absolute most inconvenient time, like when his mother calls, right as he puts a frozen pizza in the over, or during the fourth quarter of the Patriots-Panthers Super Bowl. And if you deny her, be prepared for a lamp, ashtray or other blunt object to be hurled in your direction within 15 seconds. Mood swings are to strippers what apathy is to potheads.

There is one universal fact you must understand if you wish to undertake arelationship wth an exotic dancer: PEOPLE WHO TAKE THEIR CLOTHES OFF FOR MONEY ARE NOT MENTALLY STABLE. If you can handle that, the money is really good. But be forewarned that having your girlfriend pay for everything has its consequences. You like free dinners at nice restaurants? I hope you like sushi. You think having a girlfriend that works on the weekend will free you up to spend time with your boys? Be prepared to answer your cell phone at least once every half-hour, with a yapping strung out voice on the other line reminding you who paid for that outfit you’re wearing and the drinks you are drinking. If you try and not take her money, you’d better be making more money than she is. Of course, if you were making that much, you probably wouldn’t be dating a stripper in the first place.

Oh, and if you ever, ever threaten to leave, you will be reminded that every man who sees her wants her, and that guy who paid her $800 to come over and just “talk” has asked her out three times this week. Apparently he has her cell phone number. She will be fucking someone else within an hour and a half, if not less. Or at least this is what she will have you believing.

So do not date a stripper unless you are fully confident in your own sexual abilities, or if you are even a smidge jealous. Do not date a stripper if you have this old-fashioned masculine need to take care of a woman. Do not date a stripper if you want a girlfriend with any sort of future. And lastly, do not date a stripper unless you are mentally prepared to ride the same emotional roller coaster as a woman with a drug habit, extremely-low self esteem and more money than she knows what to do with. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. It may sound like fun, but when you are spending your Saturday nights reading Sports Illustrated in the back of Déjà Vu, you will wish you had listened to me.

35 Comments:

At 4:20 PM, Blogger mrshife said...

Sounds like good advice. I think I will just continue to masterbate to strippers.

 
At 5:43 PM, Anonymous rumandpopcorn said...

As a guy who has a tendency to attract a lot of sex-worker types, thanks for the reminder that, in the long haul, this is not a good idea. I've sometimes felt a little guilty for some one-and-done encounters with women in these type of fields. Well, not after this. I read fast, so Sports Illustrated isn't going to cut it at Deja Vu.

 
At 12:37 AM, Blogger coloradohurricane said...

lol.

i dated a czech stripper and it was one of the suckiest experiences of my life.

ok, so it did have its benefits.

 
At 3:56 PM, Anonymous jenjen said...

I really think today's post is a mere digression of your mind in lieu of what you truly want to write about. Your're like a WB trailer...working on the blog my a$$ Moving in with the Hag, there's a story. Driving thru Palmetto Bay with the Hag, even better. No, no, instead...tales of dating an ex-stripper. Sorry WD, this is a tired story. Take the day off.

 
At 4:09 PM, Anonymous jenjen said...

Sorry WD. It's the pretentious bullshit on floor 2 that I'm really angry about. Nothin on your scb story. I can't wait to go alcoholic on these assholes. My time will come.

 
At 4:51 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

JJ - Dis you read FeistyRed's assessment of my commenters and just decide to join in? Way to keep up the insults! How dare you call me a WB trailer! I actually did post about that, but took it down. you know the story anyway.

Ali - The more I read what you say the more I am convinced we are somehow related. Did your Dad ever make any trips to Sacramento?

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Oh, and sorry I forgot you guys..

Mr S. - Again, welcome to White Dade. I always like when one of my favorite bloggers stops by to give me their 2 cents. And you spell that word with a "u"

C.H. - I owuld welcome you to White Dade, but you were White Dade long before I was. Did you date that Czech here? Let me guess, she worked at Madonna's.

 
At 12:30 AM, Blogger nicole said...

I'm stuck at the passage, "I've dated multiple strippers..."

Wow.

I mean, dude, what kind of crazy, exciting, "Entourage" life are you LEADING?? If I were a guy, I'm sure I'd be jealous. ;)

 
At 2:29 AM, Blogger coloradohurricane said...

white dade- Brevard county.

 
At 7:54 AM, Blogger White Dade said...

CH - Wait a seooncd...you list your hometown as Miami and yet you are from BREVARD county? BREVARD??!!! That's like someone from South Jersey saying they're from New York. It's all good, though, you're a canes fan.

NGreg - Well, you know, not all at the same time. But don't be jealous, dating strippers is really a miserable experience.

 
At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously not all strippers are that way, in every job there is an unstable person who may have a drug habbit or a low self esteem. If it makes u feel better to put down all strippers then go right ahead but in my opinion u sound like a narrow minded guy who has a lot to learn about people and life.

 
At 4:16 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Anon, it sounds like oyu used to work in that same industry. And you are right, they're not all like that. But a lot are. I've dated a few, and only one I would qualify and "Sane." And most guys who have would agree.

 
At 5:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have fkd with a few strippers.. mostly flings. However, I just found out yesterday, that my current girlfriend used to dance at that same damn club! So now I'm with an ex-stripper. I'm having to come to grips with the fact that the best girl I can find has a few skeletons in her closet. She treats me like a king though, so guess I'll learn to live with it.

 
At 1:22 AM, Blogger dianne_lone said...

I havent dated a stripper. lol. But one of my friends from webdate dated a stripper.

 
At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So true; I'm dating/banging a 33 yo stripper; great sex but I'm debating if its worth it because of the constant phone calls,her getting stoned/boozing and being up until 5:30 am just to get some. Best advice to have them stay around for a while is to treat them like crap; reminds them of growing up.

 
At 12:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a bud that had a stripper ride him and a bj for $150, and this took place in the vip booth in a medium-class stripclub.

 
At 8:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont know about you dude, but I fucked plenty of girls in the strip club. And I live in ultra conservative North Carolina...and I didnt even have to pay half the time.

 
At 2:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm....

WhiteDade doesn't appear to know much about Dade?? I can rattle off at least 5 (3 of which I've done it myself) where sex is guaranteed for whatever the VIP fee is.

Some myth.... Chris Rock doesn't know shit. ;)

 
At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

White Dade,

Really enjoyed your blog about strippers. I found your blog after learning that an ex g/f of mine has become a stripper here at a local club. She fits all the psychological issues that you mentioned. Low self esteem, body self image, jealousy, anxiety, and depression. She became a stripper at age 33 too? Who does that? She works the day shift too, the B team..go figure. Anyway, I don't understand how she could degrade herself like that. Anyway, was researching strippers and your blog came up on Google.

thanks for the insight.

 
At 11:44 PM, Blogger fuss said...

PEOPLE WHO TAKE THEIR CLOTHES OFF FOR MONEY ARE NOT MENTALLY STABLE.

You could say the same about people who pay people to take their clothes off.

 
At 5:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I can certainly see why you get the insane unstable druggie types. Take a look in the mirror you are not exactly prime rib yourself DUDE! Besides all the good strippers dont give there numbers out, are married and enrolled full time at a college and actually complete their degrees. So why dont you step off and just settle for a heffer like yourself b/c unless you wanna go through what youve already been through just to be with a 10 then you deserve the scum of the clubs and nothing more.

 
At 6:15 PM, Blogger Matthew said...

Ugh. For the last time that is not me in the picture. Geez!

 
At 12:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

F*ckin' A right, dude. I work at a strip club and you are balls on with this one. thanks for sharing.

 
At 4:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get almost any girl drunk and she acts wild. So don't just limit it to strippers.Obviously, Dade, you're not hot enough to get a good dancer, loser.You're stuck with the rejects, ha!

 
At 1:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've always thought strippers were unstable. Especially dancers from Russia. I can't seem to close when I ask a stripper out. They seem to love it when I ask and want to make sure the other dancers know I'm interested. Put me on display at the bar. It's an ego boost for them. You also get the "I don't date people I meet here" line. Like we are so bad. Then you find out what losers they do date outside the club. I guess I'm just to good for them. I don't like to get women pregnant and leave anyway. Strippers seem to go for that type of guy. Dancers do seem to respond when you cut them down. Tell them they are getting fat or something. Make them feel like no one will ever want them.

 
At 6:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm dating a stripper, its great, she's really good looking the sex is great and i get to go to strip clubs with her. Thing is that she's a really nice person, goes out of her way for me. I cant see it lasting forever but i'm definably making hay while the sun shines!x

 
At 11:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well i have dated a stripper now for 9 months and i like it!

 
At 8:36 PM, Blogger Avalon said...

Way to perpetuate a stereotype!

 
At 1:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, guys I LIVE with a former stripper!

Brianna, a Kelly Bundy look a like and I met at a swap meet in Phoenix, AZ in 2002.

I saw her outside the club. In the club she was a nurse, a naughty school gir, and a French maid. I came to know her as a wild streetfighter with an addiction to sex and a huge capacity for drugs and alcohol.

Time passed. I noticed she had very low self esteem outside of being a dancer. "It's all I know," she would tell me. Her parents put her in a rehab center numerous times. She started to dance again but sank to stormy confrontations with other dancers, managers and even patrons. In 2005 she came home and announced to me, "I quit and I'll never set foot in one of those places again." I had heard this so many times....

I watched her behavior the next few months. Brianna got a part time job as a Hooters waitress and went to night school to get her GED in 2006. She is enrolled at a nearby community college and a assistant shift manager at a local Village Inn Restraunt.

Brianna's story is rare. "I wasted at least 10 years of my life," she recounts. She has become a responsbile person and not the flakey, wildass dancer I met. At 32, her hormones are still "raging" and she can "occasionally" party with the best of them.

 
At 5:27 PM, Anonymous BlackBook Photog said...

Hm..... well i run a site for dancers and i guess if you date the "typical" stripper that is what you are in for. Up here in Portland the clubs are different and so are most of the girls. Sure you get the typical girls but you also have the typical losers that try to hustle them. If you are going into a club to find a freaking date then you fucking deserve the treatment. That is where they work and it's a bit different than hanging with the hot chick at the water cooler.

Check out http://www.pdxblackbook.com and meet some of the coolest dancers around.

 
At 3:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've done, I have fucked at least 10 different most pretty hot some OK at 4 different area strip clubs. Yr probly a d-bag, no doe, no education under 6feet & marginal at best looking, lesson one, 9 inch cock helps, most stripppers r size queens, they say u may get fucked in a strip club but u won't get laid, I'm telling u I have/get layed in the club & never pay more than the price of the lap dance. U gotta b an alpha male, smart, decent lookin, in shape, young enough, I'm 30. They love success so that helps, the materlistic stripper can b fucked within an Hr if u can talk,
I'm a stockbroker, 170k in 09, 6.1. 175,
shall I go on?

 
At 8:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW. I have to say in my opinion that this article and comments are very one sided..So let me provide you with the other side of things. some of your points yes I agree but know this I am a stripper and have a career as well.

I know many other dancers who have B.A.s, MBAs, and Ph.Ds to boot and could one day become your lawyer, phsycologist or doctor. So please take a minute to understand a different side of this.

YES! There are women who give this industry a bad name, and for the most part "WE"(the just trying to get ahead group)are NOT prostitutes, druggies or sluts. In fact most of the girls I work with dont have sex very often at all and are very seriously monogamous.(im not saying all, Im saying in my experiences)

"Strippers" A.K.A WOMEN find it very hard to be with someone as well. For one, their job is so socially un-acceptable because people are generally ignorant (WOMEN included. Who are far worse than men). Secondly, there is a major trust issue "did he touch you!? ect..." but that is between the couple. Everyone should know that there are differnt kinds of strip clubs or bars. Some let you touch but no bottoms down. Or cant touch at all but are fully nude. Whatever she decides is between you two. I, however, would not like anyone touching me. Anything else in my opinion is going too far.

I know there is anger there as well because all I see in that partner is weakness. When it comes to sexual power women have superiority to men. Think of it this way, we can make money off your vices or weakness just like any profitable buisness. Well, we are in sales.

However we are not here to sell you sex we are here to sell you a fantasy of sex...that is what we do. I can think of alot worse jobs!

So therefore, In my opinion, it takes a really secure and trustful man to date a stripper. And if you don't want to...DON'T. But don't judge others that do or might. Not saying that I don't take in view all other's comments and views. I accept them. I realise that there will always be people that dont like the idea. Just thought I'd put that out there for you.


thank you,

signed a real person living a real life...not just a play thing of your maybe demeted imagination.

 
At 8:49 PM, Blogger ccancom said...

WOW. I have to say in my opinion that this article and comments are very one sided..So let me provide you with the other side of things. some of your points yes I agree but know this I am a stripper and have a career as well.

I know many other dancers who have B.A.s, MBAs, and Ph.Ds to boot and could one day become your lawyer, phsycologist or doctor. So please take a minute to understand a different side of this.

YES! There are women who give this industry a bad name, and for the most part "WE"(the just trying to get ahead group)are NOT prostitutes, druggies or sluts. In fact most of the girls I work with dont have sex very often at all and are very seriously monogamous.(im not saying all, Im saying in my experiences)

"Strippers" A.K.A WOMEN find it very hard to be with someone as well. For one, their job is so socially un-acceptable because people are generally ignorant (WOMEN included. Who are far worse than men). Secondly, there is a major trust issue "did he touch you!? ect..." but that is between the couple. Everyone should know that there are differnt kinds of strip clubs or bars. Some let you touch but no bottoms down. Or cant touch at all but are fully nude. Whatever she decides is between you two. I, however, would not like anyone touching me. Anything else in my opinion is going too far.

I know there is anger there as well because all I see in that partner is weakness. When it comes to sexual power women have superiority to men. Think of it this way, we can make money off your vices or weakness just like any profitable buisness. Well, we are in sales.

However we are not here to sell you sex we are here to sell you a fantasy of sex...that is what we do. I can think of alot worse jobs!

So therefore, In my opinion, it takes a really secure and trustful man to date a stripper. And if you don't want to...DON'T. But don't judge others that do or might. Not saying that I don't take in view all other's comments and views. I accept them. I realise that there will always be people that dont like the idea. Just thought I'd put that out there for you.


thank you,

signed a real person living a real life...not just a play thing of your maybe demeted imagination.

 
At 9:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My man emailed me-subjt:nonsense) & I clicked on it, proceeded to read it, couldn't help but laugh aloud at the contents of his blog. I'm a dancer myself-I'm not offended:), but entertained...ill end up forwarding it. ~ we could all debate about almost anything. One point that I'd like to make about all this is that the dirty girls who do "extras" for more $ are basically prostitutes. But we all know that once upon a time ..long ago..before you or I were even brought into this world ...that even this was accepted! Lol! It is the oldest profession for women! Weird huh?! Lol.
I hate on the dirty strippers only because I'm pretty, and when I see them getting dances over me..that's just wrong! I get over it tho bcuz what they are giving up for $ isn't worth it. Guys will always be paying women for sex. The Industry is def. a negative environment, and you gotta have a good head on your shoulders to be able to work at one. It can suck you in.. and if u start doing dirty shit for $ then obviously your self-esteem is gonna go down. This is why girls are fucked up wasted, etc. They go home at night not having any self-worth anymore. - I personally know how to hustle dudes and make my $ and go home. I don't socialize with the other girls there becuz majority of them really are fucked up! :) and I go home at night feeling good about myself becuz when I'm in there I do respect my body. Now if u date me in real life..I never woulda met you in there. And if you aren't gonna pay my bills, then don't complain about my source of income. I don't like work but I've had a real job and if stripping is called work, it's the customers that make it that. They all suck! I just want ur money, and that's it. ;) getting naked is just me using my god given tool as a easy way to seduce men becuz they are weak when it comes to a beautiful woman-especially if they see her before them nude! lol!! I see all the men who walk in there as fools! becuz I have all the power, and my only goal is to make them stop thinkin with their heads and start thinking with their d*cks..before they know it they think they are in love and realize soon that they were idiots for spending all that money just to be teased. Outta there I'm a normal girl. I think any guy who dates a stripper like me must follow my rules and guidelines. Like no going in the club. obviously they trust me. Or giving me a heads up if by some chance he knows his friends might drop in. People don't need to know I work there. It's nothing to brag about. all I know is I do it bcuz I have no problem with being naked. I have a problem with the bs that comes along with it. I know that this is why I don't go in all the time. I have my freedom, I have my comfortable life, and I have a good head on my shoulders. If you date me you'd know that the guys in there are losers to me. Whoever tries to pick up a stripper is either finding it cool, or is confused bcuz they just fell "in love" and don't even know why they are wanting to see me outta there. Haha . Damn. Stereotypes all have truths behind em. They exist for a reason. But the stripper stereotype is something I know exists 1st Hand! And that is the reason I don't talk to these girls. The men who blow their $ buying dances from me I suck in, cuz they r wasted,($$) lonely,($$$), or just want entertainment. ($) orr r hustled with my personality! cha-ching! I feel bad for their wives or girlfriends at home...I know I'm good, and there's gotta be other strippers like me out there. Which is why I wouldn't want my guy going into these places. They r filled with fucked up individuals on Both sides of the spectrum. Dancers and customers alike. But sex sells-adult entertainment industry is ridiculously profitable, and so women who choose to use their flesh to make men weak are nothing but bright to me. Men would do the same thing if possible. Let's not all be hypocrite guys. :-)

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Helen Evans said...

It has become a tradition to book a stripper for your stag party. After all, a stag party marks the groom's last night of freedom before he settles down to married life, so the best man will want to make it as memorable as possible. So why not spice up the stag party with a sexy dance, Please visit female stripper

 

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