Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Best. Sex. Ever.

Perhaps I’ve been watching a little too much Skinemax lately, but there is a show on there called “Best Sex Ever,” which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. The premise is a fake radio call-in show where an unapproachably hot and silicone enhanced radio host has people call in and share their best ever sexual experience, which is then dramatized for the next half hour. It then degenerates into your typical Skinemax soft-core festival of breasts, hairless crotches and stomach-fucking.

But it got me to thinking: Everybody has a memory like this. We use it when we are alone and the internet is down. We conjure it up when we can’t climax with a girl who isn’t that good looking or performing. Or we fantasize about it at work when we can’t think of anything else to do to avoid doing our actual jobs.

Someone accused me of trying to be a cheap imitation of Tucker Max last week, which was probably the most offensive of the hundreds of negative comments I got. While Tucker is an outstanding writer, I find telling sex stories to be about as classy as getting a tattoo of a professional sports team on your ass. That is, telling sex stories when nobody asked you about them. So, various commenters and readers, I am officially asking for your “Best Sex Ever” stories. Feel free to leave them anonymously if you like, even if you are a regular reader. Just click the “anonymous" box. Or, if you want to share your identity, fine Be as graphic or non-descript as you like. But please, make sure the story is true. I don’t want a collection of Penthouse letters here. I want true-life experiences.

This should be fun……

13 Comments:

At 8:47 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

we want to hear your best sex story.

 
At 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wait, what is stomach fucking? i thought i've done quite a lot, not sure about that one....

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger Ale8one said...

stomach fucking is for non-hard core porn shows. the closest it comes to showing the act is a close-up of the stomach, ab regions and they just appear to be grinding against each other, simulating sex.

 
At 12:18 PM, Anonymous Dennis said...

ash- do you say WE because you are equivalent to two people put together?

 
At 4:38 PM, Anonymous J said...

give us some dirt. we're not writing this blog for you asshole.

oh and dennis, you are one "Hefty Cinch Sack"-sized bag of douches

 
At 4:40 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Ash - See my comment to Jason...

Anon - ale8one stole me thunder

ale*one - Glad to see someone else has heard of this term

Dennis - NOT NICE

J - Tomorrow's post will be on that topic.
Since you asked.

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

who are these assholes who keep calling me fat?? seriously, i'm not. be a little more original, dennis.

 
At 11:35 PM, Anonymous nicole said...

I read the subject line of this post and thought you were about to spill it all. Now I feel cheated...

 
At 10:28 AM, Anonymous Dennis said...

J- are you whitedade's boyfriend or bodyguard? i heard they have a ton of gays in miami and you are proof. you immediately come to the defense of this homo and he immediately thanks you and lavishes you with praise. how gay.

Ash- you don't date and you said you are packing on a few extra. that means you are about 40lbs overweight and a loser.

 
At 1:09 PM, Anonymous J said...

I love it when WhiteDade gives me a rim job after I'm done tossing his salad. He says I give the best head aside from the various fat girls he has screwed. If only I weren't so busy defending him here I think we would have more time to jerk each other off. He wants me to gain 100 lbs to satisfy his fat fetish. I agreed only if he didn't use his teeth so much and took a shower after spending the day wiping up other people's sweat. I think we are in love.

 
At 1:34 PM, Anonymous andy taylor said...

Geeez J. I always thought you were WhiteDade's big brother or dad. That imagery isn't necessary around lunchtime.

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger White Dade said...

Nicole - Okay, okay, I'll spill it. Give me a minute...

Dennis - YOu obviously haven't read J's comments on my rants against Cubans. Since he is part Cuban. He actually disagrees with me a lot, but oyu obviously see only what you want to.

J - It's okay, dude. Skinny Asains are my thing too.

Andy - And for once, I agree with you.

 
At 8:04 PM, Anonymous J said...

yeah i guess i do get a bit cranky sometimes with snobby folks and those who rip on others for no reason. but i don't really agree with everything on the blog either--was i defending him here? why insult some girl you don't know who isn't anything but nice?

 

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