Here Comes The Ax, Here Comes the Smash
I deeply apologize to the regular readers of this blog for the lack of angry, bitter, topical content this week. Hell, even Graig was nice enough to point out to me that I’ve been off lately. So to continue with this week’s theme of unoriginal posts, I have been tag-teamed this time, by both Johnson and Tara. I feel like Marty Ganetti sitting in the middle of the ring, getting the snot knocked out of him by Ax and Smash while the Ref has his back turned and Sean Michaels is telling him to turn around. I am supposed to tell you six interesting facts about myself. I find this much preferable to the 100 that a lot of bloggers like to tell you, because, really, by #87 you start getting things like “I am wearing blue pants today.” So here goes:
1. I was a judge in the Miss Florida System. I also ran Miss University of
2. I didn’t kiss a girl form ages 11 to 17. The only dates I had in High School were to dances, and I didn’t even hook up until a week before graduation. With a freshman. I was fairly popular in High School and had a lot of friends and even a few girls who liked me, but I just had my head completely up my ass. It really explains a lot.
3. I used to sing Vocal Jazz. Not particularly well, mind you, but it was my favorite activity I did in High School .We were a pretty good group, and got to travel to Mexico to perform. You might think this explained why I never got laid back then, but actually in my school the star of the Musical was the stud of the farm. We had linebackers taking tap lessons over the summer so they could be in the chorus of “Crazy for You.” I’m not exaggerating.
4. My mom has been disabled since I was 7. My parents were divorced I think 4 days after I was born and my mom raised me by herself. Until I was 7 and she got sick and I pretty much had to learn to do everything for myself at that age. As a result, I still insist I cook, clean and do laundry better than most women I know. When she got sick, I had to move to
5. I look like a phenomenal athlete but am actually terrible. In school, I was always the first one picked for the first game and the last one picked for the second game. It’s because instead of playing team sports as a kid, I just spent time in the weight room and on the treadmill. It frustrated my football coaches to no end that I was the third or fourth strongest guy on the team and couldn’t play worth a lick. The only reason I am passable at any sport is because of my size, strength and conditioning.
6. I am not gay. I looked over this list and it pretty much reads like facts about a closeted homosexual. The truth is, I love girls. I really don’t even make too many gay jokes with my friends anymore, and there are scenes in Will and Grace that make me extremely uncomfortable. But I was raised by a single mother in two liberal hotbed cities (
Since I have been following tagging etiquette and passing it along, and my luck has gotten no better I’m gonna buck the trend here and, much like my family’s lineage, let it end with me. Good night, and I’ll see you on the other side.