My Best. Sex. Ever.
Since my post asking you all for your best sex stories was perhaps the most horrific flop in the history of this blog, and the only comments it drew were ones asking me for my own story (so you won’t feel cheated Nicole, Ash, J) what follows is an account of the single best night of sex I ever had. Maybe not the best sex ever, but certainly the best single night. If you know me, and don’t want to picture anything you don’t want to be picturing, stop reading now, click your Back button, and check back Monday afternoon. Now, I am not a sex writer (so, again, why anyone was calling me a cheap Tucker Maxx is beyond me) but sometimes, you know, it’s good to take a break from vitriolic rants and write something a little different. Regardless, I’m making this post extremely long and burying it on a Saturday in the hopes that it is lightly read…..
I met Susan on a ski trip during Christmas break my senior year at UM. She was a friend of my sister’s, and since her boyfriend was a snowboarder, we ended up skiing together all day. It only took one chairlift ride for the subject of sex to come up, and for the rest of the day we discussed various acts in which we had participated, and had a lot of conversations that went like this:
Susan: I want sex like four times a day, but my lame-ass boyfriend can’t keep up with me
Me: I’m the same way. My girlfriend can’t keep up with me either.
Susan: Sucks, doesn’t it?
Me: Yeah (long pause, simultaneous exact same thoughts running through our heads)
Flash forward to June. I was at my sister’s High School graduation, and, of course, Susan was there. She was a year behind my sister in school, so she was not actually graduating, but was there to suppoer her friends that were Seniors. I asked her how things were with her boyfriend, and she replied that they had broken up. I, too, had split with my girlfriend. I informed her that my friend Biff was coming to town to visit and we would be going to a local adult entertainment establishment and invited her along. Of course, Susan accepted.
At the strip club, Susan sat between the two of us and immediately began stroking my thigh as soon as the first dancer came on. A few strippers into the night, one of them made Susan stand up, took off her shirt, and threw it across the room. So Susan, and her D-cup breasts clothed only in a black, lacy, see-through bra were sitting in front of me for the rest of the night. And for the record, she was not even close to overweight, just blessed in the right areas. She continued to stroke my thigh, and then more than my thigh. As we left Biff suggested we go to a bar, but Susan and I had other ideas. She used the excuse of not having an ID (since her fake was for 18) and we took her back to her parents’ house. I walked her to the door, kissed her, and said “Do you really want to go home?” To which she replied, “No.” So we got back into the car, and Biff took us to the Motel 6 off highway 50, about a mile from my parents’ house. What followed is material I use for masturbation at least once a week.
The first thing she did when we walked in was call her mom and say, “Hi, mom. Yeah, I’m staying over at (WD’s sister’s) tonight. Yeah. No, I’ll be back tomorrow morning.” I found this amusing as, at 23, you usually don't have a girl call her mom with an alibi. Boyfriend, yes, but never a mother.
The sexual tension had been so high between us for so long, that we immediately dove onto the bed. Clothes were removed within minutes and as I began kissing her chest, stomach, and making my way down to her waist and below, she pulled my head up and said, “Foreplay is a fucking waste of time. Do you have a condom?” A condom? Of course I didn’t have a condom. Who brings a condom on a date to a strip club with a 16-year-old girl? Not me. So I answered in the negative and rolled off of her. Apparently, though, this did not deter Miss Susan as she pulled me back on top of and inside her. We proceeded to have rough, hard, fuck-the-sheets-off-the-bed (not a tough feat at a Motel 6, but you get the point) sex until we were both completely covered in sweat. I put her in positions she had never been in before, and she took to each one like a natural. She came several times, or at least pretended to, and when she finally asked me to finish, she added, “I have an IUD and I’m on the pill, so I want you to come inside me. With me.” And so led to the first of a series of simultaneous orgasms that night. We proceeded to repeat this four or five times, going through every position both of us knew and climaxing together each time.
After several romps and internal ejaculations, her vagina was literally dripping with various bodily fluids. I found this as I attempted to get her excited manually after about our fourth round, going for round five. As I reached down, she got up, got on all fours, and put me inside her. “Go slow,” is all I remember her saying. Fair enough. Since we had been going at it like wild animals for several hours, I figured maybe she wanted to change it up. So I started slow, and picked up speed and intensity a little, and she immediately responded with "Ow, no, slow down.” I found this odd, since she had taken it like a champ form behind several times already. But I kept going at a slow pace, since, you know, I’m a considerate guy. After about ten minutes of this she whisepered, “Can you come? I’m sorry but I’ve never done this before.” I pulled out, stopped, and said, “Never done what?” You see, during our ski trip she had divulged that she was disgusted by the prospect of anal sex and said she would never do it. Not the first girl to make this assertion, so naturally I had figured that she would not have partaken in it with me. (and please, save your small penis comments for another time. I had had anal sex many times before, and each time, I knew it) But since her ass had been so wet, and at sixteen her vagina was extremely tight, I really had no idea that I was sodomizing an underage girl until after I had done it. I’m sure the judge would have believed that too. We both just sat back, laughed for a minute, and then she finished me off orally. That’s right, I said orally. Disgusting? Not at the time.
We had sex twice more, the last time being in the shower at about 7:30 AM, when I was barely able to finish. And when I did, I shot dust. I have only been fucked dry twice since then, and never win a period of about 7 hours. At 8, she called one of her friends to come pick her up (and can you imagine being a Junior in High School and having a friend call you form the Motel 6 off highway 50 to pick them up at 8AM on a Tuesday? Ahh, summer vacation) and I was dropped off at my parents’ house in a brand new BMW convertible with two High School juniors in the front. I’m sure the neighbors were highly entertained. I told my sister I had met a girl out that night and went home with her, but did not disclose who it was. But since High School girls keep secrets about as well as a front-page headline in the New York Times, I got a call exactly a week later form my sister. She was not happy.
But you know what? Even knowing that my sister would find out and not speak to me for several months, I would not take back a single thing I did with Susan that night. Unfortunately, we tried to repeat the experience several times and the sex just degenerated into nothing. So I have blocked our four or five encounters after that out of my mind. To this day, she is the only girl I have been with who rates in the top 5 in appearance and sexual skill. And even though she is crazy and a compulsive liar and cheats on her boyfriends with little if any conscience, whoever her boyfriend is today is a lucky, lucky man.