Yeah, It Must Be Hard to Meet People When You're Breathing Their Sweat
Internet dating is not a world I have ever dabbled into. Nor has anybody I know. Anybody I know, that is, outside of New York. For some reason, every friend I have with a 917 cell phone number has told me something along the lines of “Dude, you gotta get on friendster. I’ve been getting soooo much ass this way.” Seriously? Friendster? I don’t think I’ve gone on friendster for any other reason than to see how fat the “hot” girls I knew in High School have gotten. Not to mention the oft-obsessed over craigslist which, while useful in finding apartments, has never struck me as a place I’d like to meet anyone other than a prospective landlord. So when I ask my Big Apple-dwelling friends why they are so insistent on internet dating, they all give me the same answer “In this city, it’s really hard to meet people.”
Excuse me? Hard to meet people? No, in South Dakota it’s hard to meet people. In New York, you essentially live in a chicken coop for humans. How the fuck are you NOT meeting people? There are so many goddamn people in that city you commute in layers, for chirssake. You’ve got a bridge and a tunnel. Even an act as simple as going to your place of employment finds you physically pressed up against dozens and dozens of other people. I’m not saying they are all people you’d want to meet, necessarily, but they are human. They have a pulse, they speak some sort of language, they’re people. And yet, still, the moaning cry coming from the young and single in New York; “God, it’s hard to meet people.”
I could maybe understand not being able to meet people in a sprawling modern city like LA or Miami or Phoenix where everyone lives half an hour away form everyone else. Internet dating being big in these modern, spread out, leave-me-the-fuck-alone-I’m-in-my-car metropolii would almost make sense. But New York? When you literally have someone living under you, on both sides of you, and on top of you, you’d be hard pressed to avoid meeting them.
Would someone care to explain this to me? Next to Tokyo and Mexico City, you live in one of the most crowded, populous cities on Earth. Every day you probably interact with dozens upon dozens of other human beings. How is meeting them a problem? Are you just shy? Are other New Yorkers really that frightening? I thought the Big Apple was a center of great personalities, artists, thinkers, and intellectuals. Have you become so bitter that you are convinced all of them suck?
“Hard to meet people.” Shut your whining. One friend told me she “Didn’t want to meet anyone in bars.” Fair enough, as aside form my cousin Dana I don’t know anyone who has met their life partner in an establishment that served Old Crow. But what about all those great cultural events that New Yorkers love to tell you your city doesn’t have? Can’t you meet people there? Or the “museums” or the “art houses” or the “quaint little coffee shops?” All these things, apparently, only exist in New York, and yet you all still can’t meet people? Perhaps the problem is not New York. Perhaps the problem is you.
So enjoy your perusing of the “casual encounters” section, as you pretend you are doing it for your own entertainment (right, just like I used to watch wrestling to “laugh at it.”) and then immediately answer every ad as soon as your friends leave. Good luck finding that special someone via a friendster page. The rest of the country is managing to find dates despite the fact that we are only connected by roads beginning with the letter "I." Perhaps you New Yorkers could try this crazy thing called “eye contact’ and try “meeting’ each other in person once in a while.