NBA: Nothing But Ads
There was a time, in the mid-90's or so, that basketball was far and away my favorite sport. But over the past ten years, I have come to notice that the games have become like one giant Sprite commercial with a few dunks thrown in. It is the most blatant pander-to-the-tv-money-and-advertising-dollars league that has ever disgraced this country with its presence. The players are perhaps the most distasteful, the tickets are beyond affordable for anyone who wants to be able to actually see, and it is only a matter of time before the NBA goes all Premiere League on us and starts putting ads on uniforms. Yes, college basketball is more or less watchable, but the NBA just makes my head hurt. And here’s why:
1. A 48 minute game should not take 3 hours. Remember back in the day when games took about 2:15 or so? Regular season games between
2. The first three quarters are irrelevant. It drives me nuts when people insist on watching an entire NBA game form start to finish. Look, with 6 minutes left in the fourth, it will be a 7 point game. I guarantee it. I think shortening the game to like, 7 minutes would have little effect on the reults. Becasue, basically, the score is tied at that point anyway.
3. The end of the game takes an hour. Now, I understand that fouling and timeouts are necessary to create dramatic moments such as buzzer-beaters and clutch foul shots. So I can’t complain about that. What I can complain about is every timeout at the end of the game lasting a minimum of two and a half minutes and taking commercial breaks before foul shots. Pay the players less and you won’t have to sell so much goddam airtime. It’s not like they deserve it.
4. The playoffs last a year and a half. The NBA Playoffs are like a James Bond Movie. You are led to believe, in your suspension of disbelief, that James Bond might actually not make it this time. Oooh, maybe that giant laser saw really will cut him in two. Kind of like Oooh,
5. The Players are not likable. Most of the players are jackasses. It’s really like a league full of Terrell Owens, except most of them lack his stand-out talent. Shaq, for instance, is held as a pillar of sportsmanship simply because he never gets arrested or does drugs. Great standards. Even the NFL has quarterbacks who, unless your name is Michael Vick or Daunte Culpepper, are generally Golden-Boy pillars of the community. But the NBA is hard-pressed to find a single star not named LeBron or Dwyane that is acceptable to