New York Bloggers: They're Actually Not (Complete) Assholes
Ed. note - Since our hero WD is unable to access his Blogger account, he handed over the responsibility of putting this post up to Alice, who in turn passed it on to me, Suki, since her employer blocks access to Blogger. So yeah, I have WD's login and password. I have so much power right now, and neither Alice nor I had to sleep with him. I think.
I'm not sure what Larry was trying to accomplish Friday night, but whatever it was it was a roaring success. I don't know how much pull that guy has, but he managed to get about 15 or so various bloggers who didn't all know each other that well to drag their asses down to On the C in the Neighborhood I so mistakenly referred to as Alphabet City (and Larry, who lives there, uses that name, so whoever told me I was getting me City references from watching Rent can eat a dick). When I arrived early I met up with Larry in the back, where there were about four other people sitting outside enjoying the sunshine on Cinco De Mayo. His comment "God, this is like the most people I've ever seen here." Hmmm. I guess having a large part of a major city hating you is a good reason to frequent bars no one else will dare step inside.
Now let the name dropping begin:
The IJC showed up shortly afterwards and the three of us discussed the finer points of offending anonymous commenters over a few pints of Stella Artois. I think a bomb could have gone off at that point at On The C and there would have been a good deal of happy people around New York and Tallahassee. Larry's exact words were "Wow, three of the most hated bloggers around all in on place. I'm surprised nobody tried to figure out where we were and kill us." But here's the funny part, for any of you haters out there that read this: A lot of people like to think that guys like the three of us are short, fat, ugly guys who are bitter and can't get dates. Actually, we are all over 6 feet tall and what most women would describe as "good looking." And all actually extremely nice people. I think the virtual vitriol just gets it out of our system so are better in real life.
Next to arrive was TAN with The Copyranter in tow. TAN was already several Vodka-Crans into the night and seemed a little preoccupied with recent discussion of his lack of magnum-ness. I guess if I had my size being broadcast over the Internet I'd be upset too. On second thought, no I wouldn't. Copyranter was dressed like Johnny Cash and only opened his mouth to make smart assed remarks. Finally, a blogger who is the same on screen as he is in life. I enjoyed discussing the finer points of 1980's Seattle Mariners baseball with him, as I am convinced that he is the only guy in the City who can carry on a conversation with me about Alvin Davis.
Pete, who does Petroleum Jelliffe came with his lovely lady friend, who, I apologize, wrote a blog I can't recall (pssst, Hermitude in NYC -ed.) and doesn't exist anymore. In case anyone didn't remember his name, he was nice enough to wear a red shirt with his name written on it. I actually appreciated it since I did, in fact, forget his name after my 11th PBR. Sorry, Pete. You seemed like a quality individual, but, you know, I met a lot of people.
Alice, Suki and Heather rolled in next, with the Aussie in a beige dress. At a dive bar. I had always been under the impression that Australians were a little more laid back than New Yorkers, and therefore didn't feel the need to wear formal attire to a place that features $3 PBR pints. Johnson was extremely jealous of the cheap prices when he called to check in, but he has about 900 Strohs to his credit right now, so really, he shouldn't be complaining.
Nobody bothered to tell me Suki was not a native English Speaker, which was cool since he didn't seem to have much to say to me anyway (yeah, I don't really talk to strangers. And whitey. -ed.). I was disappointed, though, that he did not get the Asian Sunrise that I became so accustomed to seeing at UCI parties and from my boy Jason. Can you work on that for me, Suki? It gives us all so much more to make fun of.
Alice and I made a few Drunk Dials to JenJen, so that she could talk to her hero (Betty) on the phone live, but unfortunately Surfer Mike was demanding to know who was calling at the ungodly hour of 8PM on a Friday, and JJ was unable to pick up. too bad, you missed a good party. Next time, JenJen, next time. Incidentally, Alice is what I call a Quiet Drunk, as by 1:30 she wasn't saying a word. Highly uncharacteristic for anyone who's met her sober. And no, to the nine people who text messaged me to ask, we did not hook up.
Ali of Rum and Popcorn fame showed up extremely obliterated, which was unfortunate as I was too and so I felt like I didn't get a good opportunity to discuss the ridiculousness of guys lying about hooking up with ugly girls and bad football prognostication. At least that night. MonkeyPants rolled in about the same time, and played the roll of "Sober Person taking Embarrassing Pictures of Drunken Assholes." She reprised the role the next night at her birthday soiree at Happy Endings, and if Mo is nice enough to send me the pictures from that night, I think Alice will hate us both forever. Mormon Joe, you should talk to this girl, you guys seem to have a similar penchant for such activities. I got to see pictures of her and her Southern Boy going to a strip club as we discussed Tom Leykis and why a lot of his listeners completely miss his points.
Ali Z. came in looking like she was dressed for prom. which I found rather odd considering our location. She has apparently abandoned her blog in favor of marathon training, which I guess is ultimately a healthier pursuit. I will tell you ladies out there, though, that if you want to get to your thirties and look a solid ten years younger than you are, don't drink, eat healthy and run. Trust me. It works. Nichelle, of her own newsletter fame, came in with GirlyNYC, but at that point all I remember was hearing some story about a threesome with two Freshmen or Frenchmen or something like that. All I can say, is if any of you boys out there are planning on attending NYU in the fall, look out.
I think I remember TAN threatening Heather with a Dart and repeatedly insisting on working out. At 2AM. Drunk. I guess TAN has a thing for "Drunk Reps." which, although I haven't tried, I may be persuaded. Everyone loved the IJC, so again, haters, sorry to burst your bubble. Larry threw up when he got home. Ali (female) gave me a lesson in the finer points or pirogi eating, and everyone had a good time. At least I think they did. I apologize to those of you not "in on the new york blogger scene," who were expecting something entertaining today. On second thought, no I don't. Because I think I gave shout outs to half my audience in this post, and I'l have something less personal for you tomorrow.
Oh, and Dan, Angelina and Andy? Where the fuck were you? Missed out, folks, you missed out.