Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Drink for the Sake of Drinking

Maybe I’ve just grown up, or maybe I’ve just learned that women can smell desperation, or maybe I’ve gone home with too many girls when I’ve gone out in gym clothes. But no matter my reasons behind it, I have come to the conclusion that I basically go out with the sole purpose of getting drunk and shooting the shit with whatever comrades happen to accompany me. If I get some, well, that is just a nice by-product. But a good night of drinking and bullshitting, to me at least, is as much a success as one that concludes with the flushing of a condom.

My circle of friends, at least most of them, are like-minded insofar as they are pretty much out to get hammered and have a good time. And we all enjoy each other’s company and can keep ourselves entertained for hours on end simply by telling stories and cracking on each other. That, to me anyway, is the measure of what a good friend is. We may notice a hot girl here and there (although more often we play our own version of Alice’s “Last Word” called “That’s the Belt”) and maybe one will approach one of us, and maybe it’ll work out. But a good night sitting at the back table in the Tavern naming 80’s baseball players or arguing over the BCS is just as good a time. And often much less work.

I say this because it has come to my recent attention that not all guys agree with me on this. There is a breed of dude that will immediately leave a bar if there are not throngs of hot girls there. No matter if it is $10 all-you-can-drink domestic drafts. If there are not ladies, he’s not about it. His entire nightlife agenda is predicated by where the women are, and I think that is just sad. First of all, if you are going out to get laid, donning your striped shirt and designer jeans, every girl in the bar knows it. Unless you are a guy 9 or 10, they are going to avoid you. Why? Well, while women inherently know guys are going out in search of ass, they don’t want to think you are. So that guy sitting in the corner in the white “Goombay Festival 2003” t-shirt and old Kappa workout shorts is actually going to attract more attention than you. He gives off a vibe of indifference, and women see that as a challenge.

Furthermore, if your entire objective in going out is to gawk at/hit on chicks, then do not invite me along. Invite me along if you enjoy my company and would like to partake of some adult beverages with me. Otherwise I am going to feel offended and, quite frankly, a bit used. I am willing to be your wingman, but do not take me along for that sole purpose. If you spend the entire night chasing tail, when you finally find the hot girl with the fat friend, and you ask me to fall on your grenade, I will make absolutely sure the fat girl wants to leave immediately. Without me and with your solid 7 you are already picturing topless.

Learning to love drinking for the sake of drinking is the first step to achieving regular depraved, one-night-stand sex. First you must go out and learn to drink. Then you must learn to enjoy the company of other dudes regardless of whether or not you are getting laid. Then you must learn the virtue of going home alone. Then, and only then, will you truly be apathetic enough to start attracting women to you. It’s kind of like the Karate Kid. Wax on, wax off. And until you can come out, drink 5 pitchers, do some shots, go home alone and be happy about it, don’t bother calling me. I don’t have time for desperate guys, unless, of course, they are desperate for Stroh’s.


At 5:13 PM, Blogger minijonb said...

So... if someone offers to be a "designated driver" you're sure they are really just chasing tail and have no interest in hanging out?

At 5:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

who are those fine looking gentlemen in the first picture?

At 5:45 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

isn't that you in the red shirt dancing?

love the Penn State gear!

At 5:54 PM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

The good drinking bud, is a dying breed.

At 6:10 PM, Anonymous J said...

That's my style for sure...and pretty much the style of everyone I know. Getting "tail" isn't guaranteed, whereas getting drunk (esp if it is Hennessey on the rocks) and having a good time is a sure thing.

At 7:25 PM, Blogger jenjen said...

THoSe guys in pink and green polo shirts are hot....fucking 'beach'!

You know Dade?, I should've realized this about you sooner. It always seemed like I was trying to find you some ass just so as you would stay entertained, being that I am past the prime of providing such. I should've just enjoyed the time we had cracking on your tight versace shirt and 7 jeans, which I btw broke down and dished out the money for (or something like them anyways). What is Biff's take on this, cuz going out with him is like drinking with a potatoe.

At 7:32 PM, Blogger Tara said...

The same thing goes for women, we love hanging out with our friends, catching up and drinking without any intention of cruising for guys. It's the only way you can drag me into a bar with air filled with nicotine.

At 10:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"My circle of friends, at least most of them, are like-minded insofar as they are pretty much out to get hammered and have a good time."

Oh, you're definitely not an Oaf.

Nope, not at all.

The thought of an overgrown frat boy who still says things like "Dude" and "get laid" all the time, and doesn't realize why he can't get close to a normal girl...makes me laugh.

You know what attracts women to men, and makes them fall in love? (And same with men although they don't realize it?) A personality. Warmth. Heart. None of which come out when you are getting wasted and "shooting the shit" in bars.

What intelligent topics do you guys talk about at the bar? What would happen if you expressed an emotion or talked about a favorite movie, vacation, or food without using a word like "Sweet" or "dude"? Can't do it, can you? So how could you possibly ever communicate with a REAL woman?

I only write this because it sickens me how many personality-less guys are out there complaining they can't meet a nice girl, but aren't willing to display any personality traits or do anything undudelike.

I anxiously await a post on, say, a book you read, a political topic that makes you angry, or something besides your binge drinking, the idiots in the bars, and your unused dick.

At 11:10 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

I'm the friend who goes out with the purpose of not drinking, alcohol that is. I'll go through my share of Diet Cokes, which are usually free. Oh, and I didn't know anonymous was a girl?!

At 11:23 PM, Anonymous nicole said...

So what does one do if they don't really drink and don't have "buds"?

Okay. Lots and lots of meaningless sex it is! ;)

At 10:00 AM, Blogger Betty said...

As White Dade's 5 day drinking buddy, he talked my head off on a fucking shitload of topics. I would definitely call him an intellectual, very challenging conversation. If he can pass my friends' scrutiny, he is definitely worth the effort, my friends are not mindless frat boys. Honestly, we crashed a "profile" party and sat talking on the couch all night with another friend while everyone else mingled. We are pretty like minded in that aspect. I am not really into chatting up people at a bar that don't include my friends. It's pointless and a waste of time- half the time you won't remember the conversation. So Anon before you waste more of your time berating other people, why don't you ask yourself why you are such a bitter disillusioned bitch wasting our time with your idiotic diatribes. Seriously email me and we'll get to the bottom of this bullshit.

Not ALL men are assholes- take if from a real feminist.

At 10:56 AM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

Jeez, someone (ehem ... anon) is not getting it! If you don't like White Dade's view of the world, why bother reading his blog?

In any case, he makes a very good point, which if I interpret correctly is: just be yourself.

I gotta admit, boys and girls, when you go out just to have a good time with buddies and one or two or more of you just have sex on the brain it, gets annoying and boring.

At 2:56 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Mini -No, they may just want to enjoy your company, and that is fine. OYu don't need to drink, jut don't make it all about sex.

Anon - Some random group of homosexuals Johnson was hanging out with one night.

Ash - Yes, yes that is me. You got me.

Angel - Yes sir, it is. And hard to find.

J - EXACTLY! The only reason I continue to hang out with people like you.

JenJen - When, exactly, did you try and find me a piece of ass? Maybe that one time at the Hard Rock in Vegas, but that's it. Remember, I think we wnt out maybe once or twice in the two years I knew you since you had to go and have a baby and whatnot. I missed the JenJen wingman boat by about a year.

Tara - Women do this more than guys. Why guys miss the point a lot.

Anon - I odn't complain about not meeting these girls. I just complain about the shitty girls I DO meet. Do you see the difference? WHo wants to read about the intelligent, donw-to-earth girl I met last week? That's not very entertaining.

Joe - You are MORMON. It doesn't count.

Nicole - YOu go out to bars and drink soda by yourself? I;m not even going to touch that one....

Betty - Thank you. And did I hit on one girl that night? NO, I more enjoyed the free booze, incredible desserts, and shooting the shit with your gorup of assorted miscrienats.

Manola - If people who didn't like my views didn't read this blog, I think my audience would be cut in half. See the FSU cowgirl coments section. Anon is quite civil compared to those people.

At 10:10 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

Yeah I do, because I could be that sober guy with a lime in my water trying to pick up on chicks when we do go out! No, I'm happy shootin the breeze and playing shuffle board.


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