Drink for the Sake of Drinking
Maybe I’ve just grown up, or maybe I’ve just learned that women can smell desperation, or maybe I’ve gone home with too many girls when I’ve gone out in gym clothes. But no matter my reasons behind it, I have come to the conclusion that I basically go out with the sole purpose of getting drunk and shooting the shit with whatever comrades happen to accompany me. If I get some, well, that is just a nice by-product. But a good night of drinking and bullshitting, to me at least, is as much a success as one that concludes with the flushing of a condom.
My circle of friends, at least most of them, are like-minded insofar as they are pretty much out to get hammered and have a good time. And we all enjoy each other’s company and can keep ourselves entertained for hours on end simply by telling stories and cracking on each other. That, to me anyway, is the measure of what a good friend is. We may notice a hot girl here and there (although more often we play our own version of
I say this because it has come to my recent attention that not all guys agree with me on this. There is a breed of dude that will immediately leave a bar if there are not throngs of hot girls there. No matter if it is $10 all-you-can-drink domestic drafts. If there are not ladies, he’s not about it. His entire nightlife agenda is predicated by where the women are, and I think that is just sad. First of all, if you are going out to get laid, donning your striped shirt and designer jeans, every girl in the bar knows it. Unless you are a guy 9 or 10, they are going to avoid you. Why? Well, while women inherently know guys are going out in search of ass, they don’t want to think you are. So that guy sitting in the corner in the white “Goombay Festival 2003” t-shirt and old Kappa workout shorts is actually going to attract more attention than you. He gives off a vibe of indifference, and women see that as a challenge.
Furthermore, if your entire objective in going out is to gawk at/hit on chicks, then do not invite me along. Invite me along if you enjoy my company and would like to partake of some adult beverages with me. Otherwise I am going to feel offended and, quite frankly, a bit used. I am willing to be your wingman, but do not take me along for that sole purpose. If you spend the entire night chasing tail, when you finally find the hot girl with the fat friend, and you ask me to fall on your grenade, I will make absolutely sure the fat girl wants to leave immediately. Without me and with your solid 7 you are already picturing topless.
Learning to love drinking for the sake of drinking is the first step to achieving regular depraved, one-night-stand sex. First you must go out and learn to drink. Then you must learn to enjoy the company of other dudes regardless of whether or not you are getting laid. Then you must learn the virtue of going home alone. Then, and only then, will you truly be apathetic enough to start attracting women to you. It’s kind of like the Karate Kid. Wax on, wax off. And until you can come out, drink 5 pitchers, do some shots, go home alone and be happy about it, don’t bother calling me. I don’t have time for desperate guys, unless, of course, they are desperate for Stroh’s.