Tuesday, June 27, 2006

On Sluts and Players

Here’s another gripe I am tired of hearing from women: “It’s such a double standard. If a guy sleeps around he’s a player, but if a girl sleeps around, she’s a slut.” While, societally there may be more of a stigma attached to being a promiscuous female, the way you girls are phrasing this is just dreadfully awful. Because there is a difference between a player and a slut, whether you be male or female. And, being the public-service-type blog that I try to be here at White Dade, I am going to lay it out here for you.

The double standard exists not because of some deep-seeded sexism or desire to repress female sexuality. I think the 1960’s pretty much took care of that for anyone who does not memorize scriptures in their spare time. It exists because women, no matter their appearance, can get sex whenever they want it. From almost anyone they want to. So if you are getting some from a lot of different guys there is really no achievement in doing so and therefore you are not highly regarded. For men, sleeping with different women is markedly more difficult, so if they are able to accomplish this there is more of a feeling of achievement than of degradation. Now, do societal pressures lend themselves to perpetuating the double standard? I’m sure me and Alice could do a whole week of posts on that, so I will save that debate for another time.

I have heard women try to flip it around and refer to promiscuous men as “male whores” and “male sluts.” Your attempts at gender-degrading equality are cute and somewhat accurate, but many men are still players. Here is the difference: A slut sleeps with anyone who will sleep with them, a player sleeps with whoever they want to. So those who would call Colin Farrell a slut are dead wrong. He may get a lot of ass, but he is sleeping with whoever he wants. Your typical US Marine, on the other hand, is a slut. Because he will fuck anything with a vagina, no matter if she is old, fat, married or a post-op. You see the difference? A player sits back, says, “I want to bang that girl,” and pretty much does, often using lies, deceit and money to get his goal. Players are the “bad boys” and “assholes” that girls complain about all the time but still end up sleeping with because they know no better. A slut sits in the corner of the bar and waits for the first girl who grabs his ass and the promptly spends the rest of the night with her. Male sluts are just as sad as female sluts, as they often use sex to bolster their sagging self-esteem and have no standards for whom they will be intimate with. So, to summarize, Players are bad guys who get what they want, sluts are nice guys who take whatever they can get.

The same is true of women. There are women you could classify as “sluts” who generally sleep with any guy who gives them the time of day. Again, this has a lot to do with poor self-image and is not healthy. There are also promiscuous girls who are highly selective, but understand that they can get sex from whoever they want and take those opportunities. I don’t know if a word exists for these girls, but I seem to encounter a lot of them. And lastly, there a female players. These girls use men for money, vacations, jewelry or whatever else they want, and often do not even exchange sex for the goods. Sure, she will lead a man to think she is sexually interested, but she too is “playing” the guy for whatever it is she wants from him. I find these girls to be utterly disgusting and generally avoid them at all costs. They are of the same breed as the male “player” and when they meet it is often interesting to see who comes out on top (figuratively). So, again, to summarize, a girl is only a slut if she is promiscuous AND non-selective, and is a player if she leads men on to achieve some sort of material gain. Selective girls who get a lot of dick? Somebody give me a term. I’d say it’s half my sexual history.

So, let’s stop mislabeling these poor people. A slut is a slut, a player is a player, regardless of gender. Sure, a double standard exists, but I think we are getting further and further away form it as time goes on and that will only mean more sex for everyone. Hooray! I am thinking of a Cosmo-esque quiz to determine if you are a player or a slut. And it will be gender neutral.Y’all think this is a good idea? Maybe not.


At 4:03 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

You know, I never post the first comment here, but I must say I think that first picture is perhaps my favorite thing I have ever put a picute of on this blog. Form now on, when people ask me to post a picture of myself, I will refer them to that photo.

At 4:32 PM, Anonymous Ben said...

That's really funny. I saw the pic and went right to comment on how great it was. I still haven't read the blog yet. What where the names? Statler and Waldorf?

At 5:28 PM, Blogger minijonb said...

You should make that muppet pimps photo your avatar if you ever need a new identity.

Your argument was kinda weak until the third paragraph, then it made sense.

I feel like I've been played by my soon-to-be ex wife. I need to get this all wrapped up so I can feel free again.

At 6:17 PM, Blogger Raincouver said...

Ditto here. Good post! I know I've been on both sides of the play before.

At 7:18 PM, Anonymous nicole said...

HA! This post seems to mirror my "What Makes a Ho a Ho" post from back in the day. Veddy interestink.

I've come to the conclusion that if the potential skank in question humps everything that wiggles or jiggles? They definitely qualify for ho-hood.

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

I actually have to agree with you on this one. As someone who is selective, it pisses me off when hos bitch about a "double standard." ummm..honey, some of us do have standards and don't fuck everything that walks, yet still aren't prudes.

speaking of, wd, my offer still stands :-D

At 9:22 PM, Blogger Laura said...

I definitely think you should make it your blogger photo. This is an amazing post, by the way. Nice work.

At 10:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It exists because women, no matter their appearance, can get sex whenever they want it. From almost anyone they want to. So if you are getting some from a lot of different guys there is really no achievement in doing so and therefore you are not highly regarded. For men, sleeping with different women is markedly more difficult, so if they are able to accomplish this there is more of a feeling of achievement than of degradation."

Dude! I came to this conclusion a few months ago. I got sick of hearing women complain about this "double standard", then it finally hit me that's it not a double standard at all. Basically I explained it as being, a guy tries to sleep with say 10 random women. He's successful, what half the time? A woman does the same and she can be successful 9/10 times. Not to be too hard on us guys, but if the occasion/level of drunkennesss is right we'll sleep with just about anyone. Great post!

At 9:14 AM, Blogger T. said...

Great post, once again you redeem one of your horrible basketball rants with a totally awesome "Battle of the Sexes" posts!! Right on the money!

At 9:59 AM, Blogger Bad at Life said...

Great post. And I totally agree--although it's been my experience that it is not men or "society" that labels slutty women. Usually it's other women who are the most vocal about calling each other names for sleeping around.

At 11:04 AM, Blogger Betty said...

I am not even going to start with the fact that you ripped off what I told you last week about a certain someone we know being a male whore. ANd you said, no he's a player. And I said men can be whores too!

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

White Dade, how dare you call my darling Colin Farrell anything but a marvel of nature??? :-)

Great job of weaving through the tangled web of sexual morés!

At 12:39 PM, Anonymous rumandpopcorn said...

Well-summarized and well-done, even if it includes some thougts that may originally be from Betty (I kid!).

The best point was about the 'achievement' level for the player. It amazes my lazy ass how hard some guys are willing to work to close the deal . When they finally meet their goal, you're more inclined to congratulate them tham than say, "Well, was that four minutes worth it?"

At 1:20 PM, Anonymous Rachel said...

My friend Wendy has coined the term "freedom rider" for those people who are particular with who they sleep with but have slept with more people then would be termed average and that would probably include more than 1 one night stand.
I find it quite apropos.

At 1:23 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Ben - If you remember that you are a better muppets afficianado than I.

Mini - Thank you for the editorial tip. When I submit this to Cosmo I'll omit the first two paragraphs.

Rain - Well then you should appreciate not getting played then.

Nicole - I don't think Igot to read that one, but I think you may have beaten me to the punch.

Ash - Some people just don't get it, do they?

Laura - I'm trying to do some branding with the whole ALF thing, but that one is pretty darn cool. Thanks.

Anon - Half the time? Wow, you must be extremely good looking.

T - You have gotten me thinking I would be a much better sex writer than sports writer. Probably becasue sex interests me more.

BAL - Absolutely! Women are waaaay worse than men about that. So basically they end up keeping themselves down.

Betty - I have held these views for YEARS! We just happened to dicuss them on the phone the other night, but I still claim all original thought.

Manola - I threw that in just for you. Thanks for catching it.

Ali - Working that hard for a piece of ass is ridiculous. And, again, while I may have discussed this with Alice last week, nothing here is particularly new.

Rachel - I like that. "Freedom Rider." Like a for of sexual feminism. I'll see if I can work that into a post one day.

At 12:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a bunch of ass-kissers!

Anyway, I think a player is worse than a slut, because a slut wants sex and probably makes that clear, while a player is using someone and trying to pretend he or she is not.

What offends me more than either of these silly terms is making an assumption that someone is a slut or a player based on things that don't really have to do with their actions or motives. For instance, sometimes an attractive woman will date an unattractive man, and people say, "Oh, he must have money." The implication is that she must be a player. When, in fact, she may have many other reasons for liking the guy.

Same can happen when a young woman falls for an older man. The assumption: He must have money! Well, sometimes, but sometimes she just happens to like him.

And when a man dates an ugly woman...oh wait, doesn't happen, because men are far too obsessed with their friends approving of their girlfriends' looks (idiots).

Anyway, not a bad post.

At 11:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should be good at writing a cosmo-esque quiz. And some thought you were gay, the hell?
Your former subscription provider

At 3:35 PM, Blogger Chris said...

Brilliant. Pure brilliance.

At 3:41 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Anon1 - You may have just openeed up an entirely new can of worms

Anon2 - I've consdiered. DOn't tihnk I haven't considered it.

Chris - Thank you sir.

At 7:31 PM, Blogger T. said...

"And when a man dates an ugly woman...oh wait, doesn't happen, because men are far too obsessed with their friends approving of their girlfriends' looks (idiots)."

Not true, men don't avoid ugly women because of what their friends will think, they avoid dating ugly women because they hate ugly women. Men are visual creatures, it's just how they're hard-wired.

It's like saying women are idiots that don't date poor guys because of what their friends will think. No, it's because they're hard-wired to look for security first and foremost.

You're making a mistake of judging men based on a woman's point of view. Until the day you've had a raging hard-on, you'll never understand men and their obsession with hot-looking chicks.


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