Friday, June 16, 2006

Some Weekend Topics For Debate

So Graig, with whom you are all familiar by now, happens upon some NBA Finals tickets to Tuesday night’s miraculous Dwayne Wade Suck-Off-a-thon game here in Miami. Now, put in this situation, who would you invite? Your dad, perhaps, as an early father’s day present? One of your long-time High School buddies? Your friend who took you to two games this year? Your other friend who you have attended playoff games with before? Or an engaged ex-girlfriend from three years ago who you never slept with? If you chose that last one, you are well on your way to being put on a Christmas Card. Graig, when given the hottest sports tickets in Miami perhaps ever, chooses to take a girl to the NBA Finals instead of one of his boys. Now, I am not one to subscribe to stupid “Man Laws” that tell you you can’t get a manicure, use facial cream, or watch “Laguna Beach.” Those are all victimless crimes. But taking a chick to the NBA Finals? COME ON! Who does that?! Guys, girls, am I right here? Has Graig fully lost his balls in this situation? Or is this at all excusable. We have revoked his man card, perhaps for the duration of his time in Miami. Is there any justification for Graig’s behavior?

All this talk about numbers has gotten me wondering: How high is too high? What number is acceptable to most of you? Not that many of us are stupid enough to ask, but let’s say your perspective partner kept a spreadsheet like mine and you came across it one day while “cleaning up” his or her computer. 20? 30? 40? 100? At what point would you go “Whoa, I can’t deal with that.” I had this conversation with a girl at a bar in Birmingham and I told her my limit would be about 50. She was shocked. “I was thinking more along the lines of 4.” Hmmm. Regional differences perhaps?

I usually like to leave the coverage of South Florida News to Stuck on The Palmetto but this story is just so unbelievable to anyone outside of Miami I felt I should share it. A book called “Vamos a Cuba,” one in a series of children's books with titles like “Vamos a Ecuador,” “Vamos a Chile,” and “Vamos a French Guyana” has recently been banned by the Miami-Dade School board. And why, you may ask, would a children’s book about the lives of kids in another country be so objectionable that it be removed form school shelves? Well, the exile community felt it did not portray Cuba as a harsh, dictatorial, fear-filled environment as it should be and made it look (gasp!) somewhat normal. Yes, God forbid we have a children’s book without a political agenda. The school board members were apparently afraid of retaliation in the form of car bombs by the exile community, and banned it out of fear. So, to summarize, a group of people fleeing a violent, communist dictator used fear and intimidation to have a book banned. And you wonder why I say this place is ridiculous. While this story may be unbelivable to those of you still residing in America, to those of us South of the Dade-Broward line, it merely draws a smirk and nod as if to say, "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Since these issues have been the topic of email debate for me all week, and I have spent a lot of time discussing them with various people, I wanted to get everyone’s thoughts. Please leave your opinions anonymously or not. I’m sure Graig can’t wait to hear.


At 4:10 PM, Anonymous rumandpopcorn said...

The only way using the NBA Finals tickets on a girl that might be somewhat acceptable is if you're dating a chick well out of your league (or weight class)and know that the only way for you to get in her pants is to impress her by bringing her to some big-deal event. That has its own issues, but that situation would at least make it understandable. Other than that, no.

Guess these Cuban exiles never read "Animal Farm". Getting books banned, nice! I'm sure Castro never does that...

At 4:53 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

I've already commented on Graig plenty via email.

Sex thing! 30 sounds like a good round number to me. Will I ever get there? The odds are against me.

Good point about Castro banning books. I just can't wait to see what happens when he dies. Will people revolt and take over, or will they change the name of Hialeah to "Big Havana?"

At 5:33 PM, Blogger Raincouver said...

WD - I think that the one thing that should be banned is Bucanero beer. My buddy had some while watching this really crappy comedian (must've been ricky castro jr.) and couldn't stop giggling. The whole freakin' night his girlfriend told him to shut up. Good thing he was staying at a different hotel.

As for Graig... sorry buddy, you're on your own. Man card revoked... along with your right to have cojones.
I wonder if this book has a picture of a man high on bucanero... hmmmm...

At 6:06 PM, Anonymous J said...

Its not the fact he took a female, its her identity that bothers me. If in fact, he was to get barter this Heat ticket for outstanding sexual intercourse with a crazily good-looking lady, then possibly you could say "thats f'ed up and selfish but at least he got his...wish I was him."

But no, he decides to take an engaged girl. One that he never had sex with when they were GOING OUT. Slim chance its going to work now. You can just stamp "PATHETIC" on his forehead for life. Its just wrong and it reeks of loser. Sorry Graig

At 1:50 PM, Anonymous nicole said...

Paragraph one: if the girl was either a professional cheerleader or absolutely rabid about the sport then more power to the guy. But since I'm sure neither of these conditions apply to your boy, I'm not sure what to say about him.

Paragraph two: being that I've already dated the "Male Ho From Down Below" I guess I'd be hypocritical if I gave any answer that was less than 40. But I've lived and I'd like to think I've learned so punk skeezers are pretty much history at this point.

"Humping everything that wiggles and jiggles can make your jimmy shrivel"...or so I've heard.

At 4:33 PM, Blogger minijonb said...

A lot of women didn't care that Wilt Chamberlain's number was 20,000 =;-)

At 11:21 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

It's all in a name, it's all in a number, grasshopper. :-)

You're fine, doin' just great, will look back while rockin' great grandchildren on the rockin' chair saying, "let me tell ya 'bout 'dat girl I danced with ... " :-)


At 8:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

graig has lost his balls.

it's not the number, it's whether you act like an ass because of it. i've met guys who have slept with a lot of women and still act bashful and kind about sleeping with me, and that's cute. if you think you are the stud of the earth and treat me like another conquest, then of course i won't get turned on.

At 8:39 AM, Blogger Andy said...

Wow. I think its time to slaughter graig. The only way I'd take a girl to the finals was a) if I was gauranteed at least oral, and b) she passed a rigorous 200 question exam on the rules, players, and coaches of the NBA.

At 11:24 AM, Blogger Ale8one said...


well had he slept with her he would be taking someone else.

she has upside to him since he never was one of her numbers.

and she's engaged, so he's using the tickets and experience as a crowbar.

a crowbar, pure and simple.

At 11:24 AM, Blogger Ale8one said...


well had he slept with her he would be taking someone else.

she has upside to him since he never was one of her numbers.

and she's engaged, so he's using the tickets and experience as a crowbar.

a crowbar, pure and simple.

At 10:38 PM, Blogger Michael Caputo said...

July 8, 2006

By Frank Bolanos

Mr. Frank Bolanos is a member of the Miami-Dade School Board

If the Newark, New Jersey school board decided to issue "Little Black Sambo" as a third grade reader, how would that largely African-American community react?

Famed progressive educator Carl L. Marburger posed this question in 1974, when he said controversial schoolbooks in rural West Virginia showed the public school system's "astonishing insensitivity to local cultural values."

Those aggrieved local folks endured the insults, catcalls and jeers of the liberal elite until Marburger, a self-described liberal's liberal, spoke up and gave them pause. Today, the Miami-Dade school board and I are being accused of censorship for our efforts to remove from school libraries "Vamos a Cuba," a children's book that paints a false and distorted portrait of life in communist Cuba.

If the teachers' unions, Herald columnists, the ACLU and Fidel Castro himself are to be believed, the Miami-Dade school board is pillaging school libraries, burning books, oppressing the intellectual freedom of helpless children, and stomping on the First Amendment.

None of this is true; this is not a First Amendment issue. Censorship occurs when government refuses to allow people to purchase material, not when it refuses to provide that material at no charge.

Just as the First Amendment grants basic freedoms to those espousing even the most repugnant of views, I support Alta Schreier's right to author and publish "Vamos a Cuba." I defend the right of any Miami bookstore to sell it and I defend the right of any American to read it. Indeed, let the author promote and sell her book and compete in the marketplace of ideas.

But taxpayers must not be forced to subsidize falsehoods, propaganda or insulting imagery. As Thomas Jefferson, wrote, "to compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical."

Simply put, Jefferson, a framer of the Constitution our critics cite, would see no reason for our schools to spend sparse taxpayer money to promote the circulation of misinformation and lies many in our community equate to oppression and the loss of liberty and life.

If our public schools provided "Little Black Sambo" to African-America children, I would stand with their parents as this would be offensive, racist and an inappropriate use of tax dollars. If our public schools put the grotesquely anti-Semitic children's book "The Poisonous Mushroom" into libraries, I would stand with Jewish parents to oppose this abhorrent act and misappropriation of public funds. The struggle against Cuban communism is no less important.

In 1995, the Miami Herald was forced to trash an entire section after an offensive cartoon of Martin Luther King, Jr. was mistakenly printed inside. Over the nationally syndicated cartoonist's objections, editors made the bold decision to pull a half million copies of the magazine.

They did it by hand; it took two full days. It was hard and expensive work to correct a mistake that took only moments to make. Similarly, a foolish decision by an entrenched bureaucracy had to be corrected and has cost our school district valuable time, money and focus.

After the mess, the Herald's executive editor at the time wrote that the newspaper's First Amendment obligation is "to present the broadest range of perspectives and opinions in its news and opinion pages. But a newspaper also has an obligation to protect its readers from the outrageously offensive or the egregiously insensitive."

If such an obligation exists at a privately funded newspaper, certainly Miami's public officials have a responsibility to assure taxpayers aren't forced to subsidize racism, anti-Semitism or communism with public dollars.

Likewise, taxpayers shouldn't have to foot the bill for entrenched and misguided bureaucrats who want to whitewash the horrors of life under Fidel Castro and his brutal regime.



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