Why I End Up With Psycho Girls
Here's a question I'm tired of hearing form friend's girlfriends, one-night stands and women I've met who read this blog: "How do you end up with coke-addicted psychos? You're such a normal, nice guy." While those of you who don't know me outside the context of your computer screen may find that last sentence a little hard to believe, most people will tell you that it is in fact true. And, yes, usually guys who are nuts end up with girls who are nuts. But, again, believe it or not I am not nuts and came to an epiphany a while back that I think explains everything.
Unlike many dudes out there, I do not enjoy the "thrill of the chase." I like it really easy. I like a girl to come up to me, ask me to dance, suggest we make out, and then ask if I'd like to take her home. Never happens? You've obviously never lead my life. Now, one might ask what kind of girl is this forward and aggressive? Usually a crazy one, that's what kind. And of course, if the girl is attractive and good in bed, I have no problem asking a one night stand out for dinner that week. Because, really, at this age a date is about finding sex, and if that is a foregone conclusion it makes your dinner check a pretty solid investment.
But normal girls, for the most part, do not follow this "reverse dating" theory. I can often deal with that, but my problem is that I am as transparent as a piece of saran wrap. While I find it very easy to ignore pretty girls at bars or clubs, once I get the smallest inclination one would be legitimately interested (not pimping drinks, but legitimately interested) I show my cards. This is not something I can help. I am easier to read than "Clifford, The Big Red Dog." If I like a girl, I make it painfully obvious. I will call her first, I will ask her out, I will text message her telling her I had a good time. Not incessantly, mind you, I am not desparate. I love being single, I really do, but if the right girl comes along I am not opposed to a relationship either. You see the difference? The trouble, of course, is that women inherently lose interest as soon as it is obvious a guy likes them. And I am completely incapable of feigning apathy.
Similarly, I am an insanely impatient person. Blame it on growing up on MTV and Pepsi, but I need instant gratification. Now, this does not mean I need to sleep with a girl right away, but I do need to know a girl is interested immediately or else I feel like I am wasting my time. Sex is a good way of showing interest, but lacking that there are other methods. You know what's hot to me? Going out with a girl at night, going home, turning on your cell phone at noon the next day and having 5 voicemails and three text messages form the girl you just went out with. I fall in love with shit like that. It lets me know that this girl obviously likes me and obviously appreciates what I have to offer. Who wants someone who is not totally and completely infatuated with them? Can this lead to stalking? Sure, but then again I really see stalking as more of a compliment than an inconvenience. That's the problem with having an enormous ego; you can only be satisfied by someone who loves you as much as you love yourself.
The problem is, the only girls that will be after you that hard are for the most part flat out nuts. Perhaps if girls were less afraid of looking "desperate" or "obvious" and quit playing games, I wouldn't be relegated to bringing girls form rehab to Thanksgiving dinner. But, unfortunately, as much as you ladies complain, you only want guys who treat you like shit so I end up staying with the girls that may be batshit nuts, but at least show me the same interest that I do them.
Why are you ladies so turned off by a guy who is interested? Maybe you like the thrill of the hunt. Maybe you want a challenge. Maybe you figure nice guys are bad in bed. Who knows. What I do know is that while I have become rather adept at sleeping with girls I'll never see again and women I don't like, somehow my inherent niceness becomes my downfall with anyone not fitting into one of those two categories.
So, a word of advice: Don't play hard to get with me or you will lose. If a girl is not constantly showing me that she is interested, I begin to assume she isn't. Since I act the exact same way, I expect a lady to call or text or email within a short period of time to express her mutual admiration. Some may say this makes me insecure. Some may say that I lack confidence. Possibly, or maybe I am as straightforward with women as I am with anyone else and, silly me, I expect the same in return.
Alice has been nice enough to offer up some answers to my questions here in the "She Said" portion of this post. Some interesting insight on her part, if I do say so myself.