Wednesday, July 05, 2006

4 Rants For The Fouth: Rant #4 - I am Considering Going Back into Therapy

Okay, not so much a rant, but a personal observation. Anyone who reads this blog or knows me in person knows that I am one of the great haters of all time. It’s just what I do. And that is not necessarily a good thing. I am getting really tired of being so angry at everything all the time, and disliking things to a point where I scream at harmless boaters for playing their music too loud. But the tirades go on in my head all day, every day, and only a select few even make it to the virtual pages of White Dade. It is not a fun way to go through life, and while it may make for funny blog posts, it also makes for a miserable existence. Why do I hate Dwyane Wade? What did he do to me? Why can’t I just accept the fact that there is dominant Hispanic Culture in Miami? Why does every pretty girl I see make me angry instead or horny? I am usually really good at self-analysis, but this one has me stumped.

Similarly, I have come to the conclusion that my fear of rejection is becoming crippling to me both personally and professionally. Fortunately, I am good looking enough to attract women without ever having to approach them, and I am smart enough to get jobs without being turned down for too many. But I know that if I ever actually took the time to put myself out there, be it in sales or with women, I would be doing at least ten times better than I am now. My Mormon friend who went on a Mission for 2 years was impervious to rejection when he got back, and it was a quality of which I was very jealous. Nobody believes this about me who knows me, but I really am not an outgoing person. It’s just that people approach me and I open up immediately.

And lastly, I read a piece by this girl last week that believe it or not got me thinking. I am treating this girl as just another blogger form here on in, so I have no problem saying that it was not a bad piece. In it, she analyzes different types of guys and why they all basically suck. And I fall square into the neurotic category. Maybe it’s because I’m Jewish, I don’t know. But I stress out about women more than anyone I know. If I like a girl, I am playing “check the cell phone” 24 hours a day to see if she called, and then constantly wonder what I did wrong if she doesn’t. I am cranky and irritable and pretty much act like a junkie going through withdrawal until I hear form her. I need constant external validation, and completely freak out if I am ignored. Again, why I typically end up with crazy girls. I really need to learn to relax with this, but despite any success I’ve had with women, I still lack any real confidence that any of them actually like me unless they give me obsessive amounts of attention. And there is a difference between liking you and wanting to fuck you.

There, perhaps the most personal, insightful post ever. But now you know me better, so there. All of these issues need to get worked out because they are really making my life unpleasant. I’m not going to go back on medication, but I would like to know why I act this way and figure out what I can do to fix it. If any of you know a good therapist in the Miami area, send me an email and let me know.


At 4:11 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

I'm not totally immune to rejection but the mission did help. I think you need to watch the movie swingers and save yourself some serious cash.

At 4:14 PM, Blogger T. said...

I identify with a lot in this post. Scarily so.

I'm also starting to realize that a lot of what makes for a miserable existence also makes for an interesting blog. Then you attract other similar people who then reinforce those same arguably negative qualities. Vicious cycle really.

My problem though is that I'm pretty therapy averse. Maybe because I associate it so much with touchy-feely, passive-aggressive Upper West Side of Manhattan liberals. I went to one once and I felt like he wanted to make me dependent on him indefinitely rather than try to build self-sufficiency. Plus I'm black and we kind of have a mental block when it comes to that shit for some reason.

At 4:45 PM, Blogger Betty said...

ooh, ooh, if you go into therapy too, then we can be twins. And we can call each other after our perspective sessions and dish about our dishing.

All jokes aside, I fucking love therapy.

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Tara said...

If you do find the secret to take rejection, could you share that with me please? I have a problem with it, which is why I don't hunt for new jobs too often and I do not approach men.

Oh and man, you should've seen me last night. I was getting so angry at this guy I like because when I talk to him he talks about how every other girl he knows has so much in common with him. I was swearing at myself, writing crap down in my journal and then throwing it across the room. I don't like being ignored either. But I also don't like being stalked.

At 6:24 PM, Anonymous J said...

Quite insightful sir. I always find for me that I need to strive to push myself or I slide into a cauldron of laziness and fear. Not hiding from the daylight-type fear, but just a general dislike of failure--whether it be in sports, school/career, socially, or girls. I really really enjoy being excellent inside my niche...but for you and I both an $8/hr job or weird girls are equal to our god-given abilities and characteristics.

Honestly I believe being a huge (in a healthy way, not in an egotistical way) fan of yourself is extremely important. For one to know objectively as a fact that one issmart, cool, etc. is crucial. Then you can less easily be shaken from rejection b/c you have self-confidence. Developing that, however, is much tougher...

At 7:56 PM, Anonymous Ben said...

I agree with J on this one. Having a healthy self image makes life much more enjoyable. The trick is dancing that line between self-confidence and being conceded. I think some people may think I’m conceded, but the thing is, if you are conceded (or self confident) you don't care what they think and so it's not bothersome.

It's hard for me to understand why people who seem to have so many things going for them, like you, battle with the issues that you mentioned. You maybe the male equivalent to the hot chick who doesn't know what she's got. Maybe that's a good thing. How bad could things be really when your mom makes such good Spanish rice.

All kidding aside, if you keep having breakthroughs like this, you might not need therapy after all.

At 8:19 PM, Blogger El Tuno Gringo said...

Unless you are someone who is messed up enough with a psyciatric disorder that requires commitment or permanent medication, anyone with a miserable existance just needs to get a 2nd job (or first if they are missing one). This is my prescription for hostile complainers. It's the only proven treatment for too much free time. Rule of thumb, if you have time to have a blog and are also generally unhappy or unfulfilled, please take my advice and do what I said.

And, this is a professional medical opinion. I have the >$100,000 worth of debt to prove it.

At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

I sometimes used to think I needed a more positive outlook on life. Then I just realized it wasn't just me and that everything I think sucks truly does in fact suck. Just look at life through Strohs Colored Glasses (that's a hell of a marketing slogan by the way...trademarked Matt Johnson 2006)and to quote the coach in Teen Wolf, "everything is cream cheese."

At 11:45 PM, Anonymous J said...

oh shit--I meant $8/hr jobs are UNequal to our abilities. No ugly chicks! (Note to ugly girls: just joking! Note to hot girls: totally serious. Do me.)

At 9:54 AM, Blogger Jaime said...

Reading this kind of makes me want to write a boy rant post now.

There's obviously nothing wrong with you. Like J. said, it's all about the self-confidence. And your friend who takes rejection in stride - either he has that self-confidence, or he's really good at faking it.

Anxiety about whether girls like you, etc. is all normal - why would you need therapy? Your apathy about making a real effort just sounds like mild depression - let me guess, are you in your mid-20's? Again, normal.

I'm just rambling at this point, but I feel like I am going through/have gone through what you are feeling and it all passes. I'm not Jewish, I'm Italian, but I think both cultures place a lot of emphasis on obtaining a significant other as soon as possible - preferably before the age of 30 - and this puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on us at an age when we're not equipped to handle it.

My motto is - no timelines, no deadlines. Ease up on yourself.

At 9:59 AM, Blogger copyranter said...

therapy works. kinda. sorta. partly.

At 10:24 AM, Anonymous Rachel said...

Where you always steeping in negativity and anger prior to writing your blog, or is your blog a small outlet for you to let off some steam? Do you purposely look for things that make you mad so that you can entertain the masses with your writing? If you are looking for things to be angry about, you will always find it. It is finding the good things in life that sometimes can seem like an insurmountable task.
I used to be angry all of the time and negative and slid into depression. It got so bad that I didn't want to get out of bed and only got up to take care of my son and to work. I would fly off the handle or dissove into tears at the slightest provocation and I know that it affected my son. I ended up getting help via therapy and medication and it was amazing how my world changed.
Now, I am not a big proponent of medication, but if it helps, there shouldn't be a stigma. However you choose to get help, I will hope for the best for you. And I will add you to my list of people that I think about when I pray, although when I pray, I ususally visualize the person. I guess that I will have to visualize ALF in this case.

At 2:56 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Joe - Swingers? That is the philosiphy employed by every striped-shirted jackasss on Earth. Maybe three months at the MTC.

T - Yeah. Once I get well-adjusted i tinhk White Dade's days are numbered.

Betty - You think we could get a group rate?

Tara - He;s trying to make you jealous. As a girl, you are much less likely to get rejected. Just so you know. As for the secret to taking it, next time a Mormon missionary comes to your door, ask him. I'm sure he'll be happy to share.

J - There is, for some reason, a gap between thinking you are great and having self-confidence. Perhaps it is the difference between what you tell yourself and what you feel deep down. again, stuff possibly unearther during therapy.

Ben - Conceded, just so oyu konw, means admitting defeat. If I read it that way, your comment makes no sence. If you meant "COnceited" then no, you are not conceited. But, then agin, you did pull all the girls in High School, so I should take a lesson from you.

ETG - If I didn't know better I'd say you were my roomate. Are you form the Rust Belt?

Johnson - You? Needing a more positive outlook? you're kidding, right?

Jamie - I put no pressure on myself to find a life partner. I realyl don't care if I ever get married or not. But I do know that I'm not getting any better looking and I'm not planning to be rich. So I feel like every chance could be my last.

Copyranter - Oh? Did it work for you? Exactly.

Rachel - Yeah, I have always been a hater. Then I realized that i could entertain people with my venemous hatred and so was born the blog. So it is a way to blow off some steam.

At 12:11 AM, Anonymous Joe said...

I wore a striped shirt to work today. Its slimming. Oh and swingers was more about the wait to call the girl thing. As for your fear of rejection, its natural. I think for me, the more you are rejected the easier it becomes.

I also like what ben said about being confident. To quote my favorite University of Washington Basketball player, Will Conroy "Confident, not Cocky".


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