As if I Needed Another Reason to Despise Florida State
We take our beer pong pretty goddamned seriously. Which is why I did not especially appreciate a group of Trailerhassee Trash attempting to take over my Green-and-Orange “U” emblazoned Beer Pong table with their little drinking game called “I’m a Raging Flaming Queen.” Some of you may know it as Flip Cup.
Flip cup, for those who didn’t go to college, is a sort of relay-race drinking game where teams line up on opposite sides of a table. One person on each team chugs a beer then attempts to flip their now-drained cup over once they are finished. Once they have completed this task, the chugging-and-flipping responsibilities are passed to the next person on the team until the entire team is done. It really requires no discernable skill other than having a wrist limp enough to flip a plastic cup upside-down, and has absolutely no place in a fine drinking establishment like Tavern in The Grove. A frat party, maybe. A football tailgate, okay. But definitely not in a bar. Though I suppose
My roommate and I took over the Beer Pong table from some idiots playing 10 Cup Pong in a crowded bar (VERY inconsiderate) and won another three games in a row. As we basked in the glory of yet another Pong conquest, we were approached by a trio of blondes that more or less made the Cowgirls look like the three little pigs. I will give one thing to
One thing I love about myself is that I have the innate ability to tell a drop-dead gorgeous woman to fuck off and shut her cock-holster when I think she is out of line. Actually, I rather enjoy it. There is really no better feeling than saying "no" to someone who always hears "yes." So this solid 9 and a half and her equally as nubile friends are trying to move in on my pong table after I just won 3 games in a row? Not in my Tavern, bitch.
"If you wanna play us a Beer Pong, go to the bar, buy yourself a pitcher, and we can play. Otherwise get off the table and give someone else a chance.” Stunned that her appearance did not immediately force me to give in, she tried another tactic. "No, here's how it's gonna go," she told me, now flanked by a couple more knockout friends and a few dudes who were obviously trying to use flip-cup as a prelude to flip-skirt. "We're gonna come on the table and play flip cup, and you're gonna leave." I looked her dead in her baby-blue eyes and said "No, sweetie. I'm sure you think you're cute and that we're just gonna up and leave because you want us to. But it doesn’t work like that in this bar. We play pong on this table, not faggy-cup or whatever it is you play in Tally. So you can go stand over there and wait your turn and hope we lose, or you can shut the fuck up and go home."
So she had her dudes play us for rights to the table, since they apparently had not developed the ability to tell a hot girl “No.” And we dispatched them quickly as well. Just to drive home our point, we played a couple from FSU and beat them in four turns. Which made the bleached-blonde from