Friday, July 14, 2006

I am a Baby Blue Saturn

Just south of Gainesville, an historic moment in my life was reached on Monday afternoon. With Cliff behind the wheel, my trusty Baby Blue 2002 Saturn turned 100,000 miles old, and kept on purring all the way to Miami. Some may say “Christ, 100,000 in four years! You’re running cocaine to Seattle, aren’t you?” but, sadly, it is hardly that interesting. Moving to California and back was part of it, living 58 miles away form a girlfriend for a year was another. The point is my car has seen a lot of places and stood up extremely well despite my constant abuse.

I do not slow down for speed bumps. Ever. My idea of maintenance is an oil change every 3000 miles and fixing whatever breaks. Radiator flush? Injector cleaning? What the fuck is that? And I wonder why my car has all the pickup of a golf cart. The brakes are still courtesy of that illegal immigrant who kept my ex-girlfriend in the champagne room for two hours at the Crazy Horse. Seeing as how we broke up in 2004, this makes for some interesting noises. The right rear window is pulled out from the frame, since some crackhead in the Grove decided he wanted my new Razr phone a year ago and considerately managed to acquire it without breaking any glass. One year and couple hundred rainy days later, it is still pulled out from the frame and I think the molds are starting to form their own government. Thank god for Fabreeze and scented oils. Suffice to say, my car has treated me very well, despite my wholehearted neglect.

I love the fact that I drive a Saturn. It makes a statement without making a statement. Some of you may say “Yeah. It states that I am a broke ass who can’t afford anything better than a four-year-old economy car,” but I think it goes deeper than that. It says, “I really don’t feel like I need to impress you with anything other than myself.” It speaks of confidence, and not feeling a need to overcompensate for other shortcomings. It says I am proud of who I am and where I am in life, and if you don’t like it you are not my kind of person. It says that I see a car as a way to get form one place to another and not as a reflection on me as a person.

I often slam my Saturn keys down on a bar to drive this point home. This is part satire on jackasses who do it with Porsche keys, and part my way of letting a girl know that I am not going to try and pretend to be something I’m not in order to make her like me. Because you can’t lease looks, personality, or a sense of humor. My last girlfriend, a bartender, said that when I did that it was the moment she knew she liked me. She also drove a Saturn and was of much the same mindset. Again, I think by letting a girl know straight off that I am not going to try and impress her with material things it sends the right message. And you say I’m going about it all wrong.

My Saturn, when it is clean, is Baby Blue. I selected this color because I thought it matched my eyes. My sister found this endlessly entertaining for some reason, which I never understood until one of her friends from Costa Mesa (and leave it to an Orange County girl to point this out) explained that complimentary eye color does not make you look hot in a $14,000 car. “You know why it’s funny?” she told me, “Because if you are talking to a girl out of the window of an ’02 Saturn, you’ve already lost. No girl is gonna say ‘So what if he drives a lame car. Did you see those penetrating blue eyes?’” Point taken, but it still doesn’t show dirt and is my favorite shade of blue.

While I keep my apartment and myself immaculately clean, my car is the great exception. I figure since I am often the only one there, who cares? The Saturn in registered in Washington State, although it has spent a total of about 36 hours in said location. This has more to do with outstanding tickets and a dislike of Dade County DMV’s than it does with any attachment to the Evergreen State. Although the powder blue Mount Rainier plate does match the car very nicely. There is a faded "Semper Fi" sticker on the window, which shows how long it's been since I was actually in the Corps, along with parking decals from two different condo complexes. All of these things are what make my car my car. It may not be glamorous, it may not be sexy, hell, it may not even be able to go much over 60 miles an hour without violently shaking. But it’s mine and I love it. And if you can’t love it back, then you’re not the kind of person I’d want to be around anyway.


At 3:15 PM, Blogger heatheradair said...

So, when you said you'd suspend the emo-vibe for a day or so with an ode to yer car, this sentimental bit about the way its baby blue shade matches your eyes wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but hey, it works somehow, i think.

At 3:19 PM, Blogger Betty said...

You think reading it on his blog is funny- he told me about his car in person.

At 4:21 PM, Blogger Raincouver said...

"I think the molds are starting to form their own Government"

Love that. I may have to figure a way to use that in a sentence.

At 4:56 PM, Blogger Tara said...

I don't care if a guy's car isn't a porshe or whatever, just as long as it functions. My car is a little Ford Escort ZX2 Sport..Silver with a dent in the side. It's a dim silver now because I haven't washed it yet, and the inside is as clean as I'm ever gonna get it. Some people say that you can be judged by the mess in your car. I really am too lazy to do anything about that or to care.

At 4:58 PM, Blogger jenjen said...

You know Dade, you may be worse than those slinging Eurotrash. Pretention of a classless degree.
You and SurferMike are not much different, although SMike is out for greater contention in a 1980 trashed mercedes...a real wannabe. He just loves to drip oil over AuntSL55's new driveway. He spraypaints his 'hubcaps' chrome color every 6 mos as a maintenance routine.
However, You are more proud of your car than, don't make me say it but....Tha Dub. Ouch. fight'n words!
I will say that the saturn does in fact bring out the nice feature of your blue eyes, but does not say much for your housekeeping abilities - a real drawback for passengers in addition to the senseless conversation one must endure while you're swerving in and out of traffic during a call with Qbert.

At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Playtah said...

Good point, WD. That's true. Don't judge a guy buy his car. Besides, there's an old Indian saying, "The rider with the smallest pony has the biggest genitals."

Ok, I might have made that up.

I have a Toyota Corolla. It is small and compact. It really brings out my chest.

At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Playtah said...

Dang it! What's with all my typos today?


At 8:42 PM, Blogger Laura said...

I've respected Saturns ever since I totalled one in a head-on and nobody got hurt. Definitely safe.

At 7:23 AM, Blogger Ale8one said...

word, WD, word.

At 1:43 PM, Blogger minijonb said...

i think your Saturn has more personality than my VW will ever have. do you have a name for your car?

oh, by the way, here's an old saying for ya... "clean car = dirty mind"

At 10:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Case in point. I disagree with the fact that your car is not a representative of you. If that were true, then your clothes would not be either. You choose the car, the color, so it reflects you.

Anyone could respect a choice of an economy car, but most people do judge a person by the state of their car. I just consider anyone's car an extension of their purse. I believe it is the infamous Steve B. that has actually checked the inside of a car before hiring someone (back in the old days)!

What? Is the Marketing dept turning into the invisible department or what? The suspension has me hanging on the edge of my seat...


At 12:35 AM, Anonymous nicole said...

The image of you slamming down your Saturn keys is indescribably hilarious. You're pushing a real whip there, homes.

Now excuse me while I go show off my 2002 Toyota...

At 7:03 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

Your car is still 14 years younger than mine.

At 9:08 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

I'm very sentimental about Lola (my car), too. She has around 137,000 miles, but still kicks ass. My little Galant has really been hanging in there. I've had to have a few things fixed, but for a 6 year-old car with that many miles, Lola rocks. So much so that the next car I get will be a Galant as well.

The only problem is the after-market paint color. The previous owner had it painted a color that is impossible to find. Which is lovely, considering 2 years ago we had a hail storm and I can't cover any of the damage.

At 9:43 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

A 2002 Saturn? Pssssh. I scoff at you. Call me when you get a car born in the 80's.

At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Trailer Girl -
The marketing dept. is inching towards the day of in I'm trying to wreck it as gracefully as possible. I've decided just to use Dade's blog as my own platform, like a parasite. Still waiting on Big Boss's decision. I'm giving him until the end of this week. I may be here 2 months or 2 weeks....Eugene's call.

At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

p.s. MVTT
too busy as pregnancy consultant to consider a blog.

I'm sure you know how that feels.

The neurotic K is driving me nuts!!!!

At 12:59 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

I am so glad you came out of the Saturn closet! I used to own one and I miss it! I wish I hadn't traded it in.

At 2:07 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Heather - That is really more self-parody tthan anything else. Who the fuck picks a car based on eye color?

Alice - I did? Man, I must have been wasted.

Rain - Thank you. I was especially proud of that line.

Tara - Somehow you didn't strike me as the type that would get hung up on something like that.

JenJen - Oh Hell-fucking-no. You did not just go there. Sorry you did not appreciate your ride home in the Saturn 3 years ago. Last time I ever give you a ride.

Playtah - No. That Indian saying is 100% true. Unless that car is a Boxter.

Laura - Becasue safety is really the top concern to a 22-year-old male in the market for a new car.

Ale - Word.

Mini - No, I do not have a name for my car. I tinhk "The Baby Blue Saturn" speak for its character enough.

MVTT - Wow am I glad he suspended that policy when I was hired. What would he have said about a guy with 90% of what he owned in the backseat?

Nicole - It is 10 times funnier in person.

Joe - Yes. And I don't live at home either. What;s your point?

Ash - Lola, huh? That's my ex's stage name. Apparently it stands for "Lust often, love always." Is that in any way relevant to your Galant?

Johnson - How many miles you got, bitch? ON your current car.

JenJen - I'm slad this blog now serves as the Anabolic Labs former employees message board. I should alert Bobby V.

Manola - Colset? No way. NO need to hide the Saturn Pride, baby!

At 3:12 PM, Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker said...

I too have a Saturn and am quite fond of it. Its only a year old and is the second Saturn I have owned. I gave the first to my grandparents who have now passed it on to my cousin. We'll probably have that thing forever. Saturns are good cars.

At 3:55 PM, Blogger Bad at Life said...

I've owned two cars in my life. The first was a '95 Volvo Station wagon the second was a forest green saturn. I am convinced that both makes will be the only two things to survive nuclear war. They were indestructable...still, you car has the pickup of a golf cart simply because it is a saturn. Mine purred like a wind-up toy.

At 12:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fellow TT,
Only glad that I am not the one left behind holding the bag as the markting dept goes postal!! Is it really Eugene? I cannot believe I never figured that out. The problem is that Boy Boss wouldn't be able to have his lux schedule if everyone else has it, too. You are the sweet whispers in his ear that give him the waves of success to ride on, though! Jenjen's word is The Word!

Hee hehehe -- neurotic pregnant woman! Lucky you, getting that neighborly love going on. I feel yer pain, drink up and have yourself another PBR. K is prime candidate for PPD, so be sure to prompt her to ask for those big D meds in advance. There's a good chance she'll need them.

BTW, getting "let go" is looking like a nice option. Think UR exhausted now? Try being a housewife. The work load makes our jobs at AL look like a day at the spa.



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