Monday, July 10, 2006

Like Me, But So, So Much Worse

I rolled into Gainesville a few nights ago with Cliff and after demanding we eat at the first Chipotle I saw we proceeded to the apartment of a friend of his. Now Cliff had told me stories of this guy, about how he was a power lifter and ran triathlons and was one of the best looking guys he knew and yet still managed to have little if any luck with women. And I could see such a thing being the case in a hot-guy hotbed like Miami or LA or New York, but in Gainesville? A college town? C’mon. When your major competition are guys whose income is derived from Student Loans and Work Study, you really have no excuse if you are anything over an 8.

So I meet his friend, we will call him Ryan, and Cliff was not joking. I am secure enough to tell you when a guy is good-looking, and this guy fits the bill. I am even secure enough to say when a guy is better looking than me, which he also was. A little shorter, but ripped with size, a great tan and blue eyes. Okay, enough gayness, suffice to say the guy was probably around a male 9. The first thing Cliff asks him after the customary “Hello” and cracking of cheap beers was “So how’s the sex life going?” presumably to prove his point to me. Ryan’s reply: “Man, I ain’t been getting any of that. But I have been making out like a motherfucker.” The only other guys I know who view that as a good thing typically have a last name like “Smith” and have multiple family members living in Utah. This guy just told botched hookup after botched hookup story until he finally told us about a Hawaiian Tropic model he had slept with last September. Okay, a little while ago, but still impressive, right? Well, he takes us over to his Facebook page where he has pictures of her and I have to say she must have gotten the sympathy vote in her competitions, because this girl was not much above a 7.

We traveled on to a typical college town establishment that featured 25 cent pitchers for a portion of the night and immediately began to binge drink. As we walked around, Ryan got looks from every girl we went by. Can’t say I wasn’t a little jealous, but I thought maybe I could get some of his leftovers. Well, all I can say is it’s hard to get leftovers from a guy who can’t even get his own. He approached two different groups of girls that were eyeing him like a new fish in D block, and was somehow rebuffed within two minutes both times. He said nothing offensive, nothing pathetic, but somehow these girls, mostly coeds between 19-22, began to seep interest like the Exxon Valdez. After two rejections, Ryan decided to try his luck with the beer box girl.

The beer box girl seemed a bit more receptive and a lot more attractive. After about 15 minutes Ryan comes over and says, “Man, that fucking pisses me off dude. That girl is smoking hot and she’s dating some baseball player at UF now. And you know what? She told me she had a crush on me two years ago when we had Engineering together. Fuck, you know how much I hear that? Why don’t these girls ever make a move?” Oh, Ryan, welcome to my world. But yours is so, so much worse. Because not only are you better looking than me, and therefore probably able to attract better quality, you have less competition living in a college town. And your game is apparently even worse than mine, which I did not think was possible.

Turns out Ryan was a fat kid too, just like me. And he also works out obsessively, just like me. And he also is obviously sexually frustrated, just like me. So it is nice to see that I am not the only guy in the world who blatantly underachieves because he was the guy who got “Wouldn’t touch him with a 10-foot pole” checked off when the girls in 7th grade passed around the “Who’s the hottest?” sheet. And in a sick, sick way, seeing this better-looking guy do just as bad in me in an easier environment gave me sense that I was not alone in my ineptitude, and that maybe I am not as pathetic as I thought. And that no matter how good-looking you are, it never matters if you lack the confidence to go with it.


At 12:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting post, but I am curious if the quotes you attributed to the guy really are the way he talks. Because if they are, then I understand why he's not getting any. What white guy with half a brain says, "Man, I ain't been gettin' any of that, but I've been makin' out like a muthefucker"?

At 8:55 AM, Blogger Rachel said...

This whole post just made me sad. Maybe it is the note of desperation running though the entire thing.
Of course he isn't getting to meet any decent women if all he is doing is trying to pick them up in bars.
You might get a pretty woman at the bar, but as for intelligence and sense of humor and actually having an interest in getting to know who you are, not a chance.
If he is having a hard time "getting laid" then he needs to actually look at a woman as a woman and not a consumable product. If you value a woman only for her body and her vagina you don't have much of a chance of getting any. A woman not only has a body, but a mind and a spirit. Only when you are willing to accept all of a woman and be willing to take the time to get to know who she is on the inside and not just that she is an 8 or 9 on the outside will you ever succeed in your quest to find a great woman.
It is pretty hard to meet the type of woman you can bring home to mom if you only go to Hooters. (metaphor people!)
Maybe you aren't looking for "the one" right now, but it is good to learn how to approach, get to know and win over that type of woman when that time comes.
Woman are looking at him like a consumable product because he is viewing them the same way.

At 11:03 AM, Blogger concha said...

when i went to school in g-ville, the girls were, i kid you not, the hottest girls i've ever seen. ever. i've never seen hotter girls. not im miami, nyc or europe. and i'm perfectly confident in my own sexuality to say that.

that being said, it wasn't too hard to hook up with a cute girl back then. so this guy must have been pretty pathetic. but the number hot girls may have diminished, since i hear it's harder than hell to get into UF now. and the chances of a girl with a 6.3 gpa and a 1790 on her SATs also looking like a hawaiian tropic model are about as likely as this guy getting laid.

At 1:12 PM, Blogger Andy said...

I don't think it has anything to do with confidence, I think it does have to do with being centered.

That's why chicks always like you when you don't notice it or don't care.

And treating women not as objects rachel? Tsk tsk, you know as well as everyone else that doesn't matter.

Get zen, get laid. That simple...of course if you're truly zen, you won't be happy by getting laid. And that's the rub.

At 1:51 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

for once, I actually agree with an anon comment. Seriously, if that's the way the guy speaks, it should come as no suprise that he can't get laid. Doesn't matter how hot a guy is, if he sounds like an idiot, I'm not interested, and neither are most women.

At 6:57 PM, Blogger Derek said...

Dude, I know about your spreadsheet, I don't see how you can't say you are doing very, very well!!!!!

I agree: confidence is everything.

At 8:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

uh, what is a 6.3 gpa??

At 10:33 PM, Anonymous nicole said...

Yeah, I'm on the side of Anon. and Ash. The dude could look like perfection on a stick but if he thinks like an ass and walks like an ass...

At 8:37 AM, Anonymous MiamiGirl said...

Guys, girls like the chase...the "illusion" that you are hard to get. If you walk up to every single girl in the bar... we see this.

At 10:00 AM, Blogger T. said...

Yeah, being the one-time fat kid does terror on one's psyche. I was once the fat kid, and no matter how much evidence you get that you're good-looking presently, you never totally buy into it and act like it. Good to know there are others with the same dilemma.

At 10:52 AM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

I think confidence is everything.
It will all catch up to you guys!! Your "essence" will catch up to your bodies and then you'll be getting BJ's under the desk as you write your future posts!!! Girls will be lined up!!

At 11:08 AM, Blogger White Dade said...

Anon - I'm not sure those quotes were 100% accurate. The guy was actually very well-spoken and may have phrased it better. Don't look too far into his grammar. It was not the point.

Rachel - I don't think this was an issue of decent. I am sure he attracts a lot of girls doing triathlons, teaching at Kaplan or Scuba Diving, but my only exposure to his lack of game was in a bar. But the mental issue permeates everything.

Concha - I was not overly impressed with the quality. State College, PA was much better.

Andy - It wasn't even an issue of that. I tinhk there are some girls who like it when a hot guy is interested. Am I wrong?

Ash - I see your point. but see what I told Anon.

Derek - Quantity and quality are 2 TOTALLY different things.

Anon - A humorous exaggeration.

Nicole - He really wasn't that way. I'm sorry the post painted him as such. He is actually, like me, probably a little too nice.

MiamiGirl - I think that has more to do with the guy looking like a slut or desparate. He did not approach every girl, just the ones borign holes through his head with their eyes.

T - I have a whole post on that coming. Stay tuned....

Angel - Man, I hope you're right.

At 11:52 AM, Blogger T. said...

Something else about the former fat kid thing, I see it in women, you could have a girl that's totally hot now, but if she was raised a tomboy, or a geek or if she was a fat kid, she'll be totally down-to-earth and accessible. But on the other hand, I've seen many girls who are currently fat or homely but grew up hot, and they are so oblivious to their current states and still have the same stuck up hot chick attitudes. It's amazing how long our programming sticks with us.

At 2:54 PM, Anonymous Eurosabr03 said...

Haven't been here in a while. Got the belt, here, for the first time in my life. Everything you said is true. Although I try to be charitable, and I DO like the power-trip aspect of it.
Yick. And this is the best I can do? (Must get game.)


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