Friday, August 11, 2006

Hey Miami, Get Over Yourself. It's a Friggin' Party!

I know in DC they have this thing they call Hater's Happy Hour where a lot of the local bloggers get together and get smashed on a Friday night. And I know in New York they have about 12 events every day where bloggers get together, many of them put on by Gawker, and occasionally held in my honor. So it was a long time coming when I got an evite the other day inviting me to some shindig on South Beach stating that "The Miami Blogosphere Gathers!" Well, it's about fucking time. The good people at Stormhoek Winery (I've never heard of them either) decided to do a little marketing and put together a night for us at 8 1/2 in the hopes we would give it a mention on our blogs. Granted, we are not getting anything free out of this except for someone else putting together our event, but, hell, I'm just grateful somebody handled the logistics.

So there we have it: A party at a nice restaurant in South Beach and a chance to meet all my fellow South Florida bloggers. Sounds perfect, right? Well, that shows how much I know about bloggers. Apparently this invitation was met with scorn and outrage by many in the Miami blogging community, saying that "an event for bloggers should be organized by bloggers," and "this is just a cheap marketing ploy by some winery" and "fuck corporate America (South Africa. Whatever). They can take their blogger party and shove it!" and “We don’t go to South Beach. It’s waaay too commercial for us!” Excuse me? I didn't see any of YOU sending out an evite. I didn't see any of YOU reserving a restaurant or getting sponsorship for the event. Is it so terrible that someone wants to get some exposure for organizing this for us? So now, thanks to this “too cool for the mainstream” attitude, it looks like no more than a dozen people will be showing up. Great fucking party, thanks a lot guys. Think I’ll just go the midseason Kickball event at Sandbar and save myself the drive.

I guess a lot of the more serious bloggers see themselves as those emo kids across the street smoking cigarettes and pointing at the High School gym going "Fuck the Pep Rally, man. That's what the establishment wants us to do." Yes, big bad corporate America is trying to pollute the pristine journalistic integrity of the blogosphere by throwing us a freaking party. I guess now your blog will be subservient to that crushing economic force known as the South African winemaker. Get over it. I enjoy many of these people’s blogs, and enjoy the work that they do, but for crying out loud you don’t need to take your “citizen journalism” so seriously. All we are trying to do here is have a party folks, lighten up.

See, most of the blogs I read are by people like me: Horny 20-somethings bitching about their sex lives and dishing out dating advice. With an occasional story about sports or New York subways thrown in. So it seemed odd to me that there would be any sort of stigma attached to it since all of the people I'd met just seemed like normal young people out living their lives and writing about it the next day. But I have learned something since venturing into the realm of the South Florida blog: While the majority of the New York and DC sites I read are more or less the internet equivalent of the Lifestyles section, the bulk of the Miami blogosphere is concerned more with the front page. It is a much different attitude. And these are the blogs you see on CNN or read about in the Herald, so it is the impression that people not familiar with blogging get. These must have been the people wearing tinfoil hats at that political meeting up in Palm Beach a few months ago, giving my friends weeks of ridicule material and causing them to bring one out for me to wear to the Grove. Thanks.

So, to those of you who think your "citizen journalistic integrity" will be soiled by accepting a social invitation from a business: for chrissakes, people, it's a freaking PARTY! A time to meet new people and share some drinks and conversation. Do you really think your blog is so important that you can't stand to have a business name attached to your soiree? Do you think that bloggers are such an elite group that we have to be the ones to organize it or you refuse to attend? Get over yourself. Get your ass to South Beach, drink some South African Wine, and punch me in the face for being the racist asshole I'm sure you think I am. The reason I am so popular is because I DON'T take myself too seriously. I have what's called a sense of humor. Perhaps you should try it. Oh, and the next day is my birthday. So if nothing else consider your presence a birthday gift to White Dade. You probably owe me anyway.


At 3:04 PM, Blogger T. said...

Crap, and I thought NY blogs were self-important. You're the only Miami blog I know, so I'm not well-versed on the subject. But man, those sounds like the kind of people that cry when a McDonald's or Starbucks open near them.

At 3:19 PM, Blogger SuperBee said...

I wanted to go, but:

1) No one invited me. That's cool. I still have my friend(s). We'll just smoke cigarettes out front and talk about how the party inside must suck - all while choking back tears of hurt and rejection. Then, I'll go home and cut myself. After I feel better, I'll moan about trivial matters in my blog, and paste in YouTubed clips from childhood television.

2) I already have plans. See, I'm a high-end mystery shopper, so I have to go spend bucks at a Swanky Hotel's restaurant and bar, while taking furious notes into my cellphone and trying not to get too drunk to be able to put together a coherent report the next day.

I sort of seem like a food critic, except a) I'm wasted and b) I'm a fussy eater. So, enjoy your Stormhoek, and I'll enjoy my mushroom foam and daikon radish reduction braised kobe lamb ribs au troiffecture with babysauce.

At 3:53 PM, Blogger jenjen said...

I want that mystery job

At 4:17 PM, Blogger SuperBee said...

Most people want the job, Jen.


Actually, if you're in Las Vegas, and pose no threat to my mystery shopping my way through the Shore Club, Lido, etc., while looking bored talking down to people...I might be persuaded to tell you where to go to sign up for this sweet, sweet deal. Of course, you have to be accepted. Members Only. It's like an exclusive fraternity for the critical, where we get to take out our insecurities on clueless waitstaff through snarkily-written "objective" service reviews.

At 6:47 PM, Anonymous the brewer patriot said...

i want to go to a "miami blogger" event. all those jerks do in NYC is hang out and drink with other like-minded folks and have fun. and i hate them for it.

we should set one up here - but not at some fancy bar, it should definitely be tavern or sandbar or the cuda and there should be drinking challenges.

At 9:04 AM, Anonymous Johnson said...

I want to go to a Miami blogger event. Oh wait, I'm only about 20 days from a Power Hour with you and Klueb.

Oh and your one blurb about people whining about corporations reminds me of the Southpark episode where Cartman cleans out the hippies. "Corporations are evil! We're gonna have an awareness festival...awareness against corporations. Yeah!" Goddamn hippies. Corporations are awesome.

At 11:04 AM, Anonymous nicole said...

Wait, they have something in DC???

At 3:52 PM, Blogger SethGordon said...

I give up.
I tried to use the velvet rope technique of purposefully leaving lots of people off the invitation list to create an artificial air of exclusivity.
But I just can't pull it off.
Same reason I can’t execute a practical joke.
Too much damn empathy for the other guy.
Plus I just don’t have the snob gene.
So You're ALL Invited!
Saturday, August 19th, 7 PM, Restaurant 8-1/2, 821 Washington, Avenue.

But if I get there at 7:15 and all the food and wine is gone, I'm gonna be PISSED!

At 2:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want you to go so you can meet girls in a place besides bars.

At 8:09 AM, Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker said...

Ok Look. First off, I am not trying to be on the front page. I am the equivalent of the Star and the Society Pages, except I hate everyone I write about. Secondly, I am going to the thing this Saturday because I am a shameless vulture whenever free food is involved and because my cousin is begging me to take her, and my New Years Resolution was to go to Miami more often. So, I will see you there, and I am very excited about going, as I am definitely not too cool for pep rallies.

At 1:09 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

T - Just mention "Fidel casto" around any of them and sit back.Good times, good times...

Superbee - Was this a plug for your sytery shopping gig? Looks Like JenJen fell into the trap.

BP - You think we could legitimately hold something like that at The tavern? I can't even hear myself think there. Maybe a 5-pound burrito eating contest at the Sandbar.

Johnson - I tend to put my own opinions aside when ti comes to parites, you know?

Nicole - Yes, Nicole. but since it isn't held at Target or Chipotle perhaps you havne't made it out yet.

Seth - Thanks. I will be there.

Anon - Mom? Are you commenting now?

WLSW - Well then, I'll see you there.

At 11:34 AM, Blogger Sofi said...

Hey White Dade - I'll be there Saturday night, and look forward to meeting you. I'll be the nice Mormon gal wearing a red dress.

Great post, btw!


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