Reverse Dating Theory
"There are girls you marry and girls you fool around with, and nary the twain shall meet." – Line from some softcore I saw on Showtime about 10 years ago.
People always love to impart their wisdom about dating, and one of the most popular pieces of wholly unsolicited advice I get is "Don't date a girl you took home form a bar." I suppose in theory this makes sense, right? Any girl who would sleep with YOU that fast would probably sleep with anyone that fast and is therefore not girlfriend material. So, basically, any girl worth dating will play games and pretend like she doesn't want to sleep with you in order to garner your respect. This makes perfect sense. The problem is, it doesn’t work for me.
I have stated many times on this blog that I do not play games, and that I am an impatient person. I don't like the chase, I don't want what I can't have, and I believe in being up front with people when it comes to sex. Not upfront to the point of saying "hey, I wanna fuck your brains out," but upfront insofar as I do not pretend to not be interested when I am. Which is why, for many years, I never went out with a girl I had not already slept with.
That's right. The only women I even bothered calling were ones I'd already seen naked (this may explain my history of dating strippers, but that is a different topic altogether). Many of my friends scoffed at the idea, saying things like "Why are you making this girl dinner? You fucked her already. Don't take out the trash." Of course, if I am making dinner for a girl who I know I will sleep with at the end of the night, that's a guaranteed return on investment, isn't it? Who's the idiot now? My first real girlfriend, in college, had slept with me 16 times before we went on our first date. To a strip club. You can laugh but it is still the longest (2 and a half years) and most significant relationship I've ever had. And so I followed the formula with all future dates for many years. My ex called it "reverse dating": you fuck first and ask question later.
Reverse dating makes a lot of sense if you think about it. Men, or a lot of men anyway, will pretend to be whatever you want them to be until they get in your pants. This is a well-documented fact that any woman who has seen a Porsche keychain on a set of Honda keys can verify. Furthermore, men really don't know whether or not they like you until that magical moment of first contact. Their brain is confused with messages of "God, I wanna bend her over a chair" and "Wow, this girl can actually carry on a conversation," and cannot determine whether one thought has subconsciously convinced him of the other. Until he has slept with you. Then he can determine whether he actually thinks you are someone he would like to get to know or just another line on the spreadsheet.
It also gets a lot of the falsities and bullshit out of the way. Girls can relax a little since the guy has asked you out after screwing you, so you can rest assured he is in it for more than just the sex. Guys can be more themselves since they are not so concerned with impressing you as getting to know you, and a girl can therefore be a quicker and hopefully better judge of his character. There is no guesswork involved and makes the whole dating process easier for everyone involved.
Does it always work? Of course not. Just like every first date does not garner a second. Maybe you hook up and go out and hook up again and the sex gets no better and the person is just not "the one." Fine. But how is that different than waiting three dates to find out the same damn thing? It's not. And reverse dating is not for everyone: If you get overly emotional about sex (ladies) you probably couldn't handle casually dating someone you are sleeping with. Or if you are at all possessive (guys) it really isn't for you either. My point today is this: Sometimes a one-night stand is just that, an encounter that lasts no more than a few hours and is forgotten afterward. But sometimes it can lead to something more. Do not discard someone just because you slept with them right away: They may be the one you have been looking for and just prefer, like you, to cut the bullshit and go straight to the good stuff. I do not discount traditional dating, mind you. I think that can work fine for those who enjoy chase and anticipation. But for the impatient and straightforward, a relationship born in the bedroom can be easier, more relaxing and, ultimately, much more fulfilling.