Wednesday, August 16, 2006

When is The Right Time to Drop the "B" Bomb?

I suppose some of my New York counterparts never deal with this issue, since if you have a blog in that city everyone knows it and probably knows who you are before they even meet you. Especially if you are dating other bloggers or blog groupies or maybe just people with not enough to do at work. But here in Miami nobody reads this shit. When you mention to someone here that you have a blog, typically their first answer is “Oh, are you on MySpace?” No, I’m not on fucking MySpace, you dolt. I hate MySpace and most self-respecting bloggers view Myspace with a disdain usually reserved for international terrorists and Boy Band members.

So that being said, if there is not a stigma attached to being a blogger here in Miami, there is certainly a lot of confusion. I don’t mention it much to anybody new, since I really don’t think they care. Even if it comes up in conversation, I often try to skirt the issue. Last night, for instance, I was talking to a guy who just graduated from Florida State and I asked him if he was familiar with the Cowgirls. Well, of course he was so I mentioned to him my little involvement with that whole situation, which he found interesting. But not once did I mention the word “blog.” Wanna know why? Because sitting next to me and across from him was a girl I’ve been dating for the past few weeks and lord knows it is waaay to early to let her read “A Tribute to the Slumpbusters.”

I was walking in the Grove with this particular girl last week and some typical Miami trash pulled up to a red light blasting what can only be described as a cat belching over the banging of garbage can lids. The kids call it Reggaeton. I looked at her and said “Yes, please, play your stereo as loud as possible in your PT Cruiser, there, guys. Because you know the WHOLE Grove just loves listening to Reggaeton. Please by all means, crank it up.” Her response: “Wow, you’re bitter.”Oh dear God. You think that's bitter? Glad you weren’t there on Fourth of July. It was merely the tip of the perpetually ranting iceberg that is White Dade.

As anybody who has been doing this for more than two weeks knows, a blog can become an all-consuming fire for which you often forsake your job, family and personal hygeine. Many people get fired because of their blogs, many lose friendships, and some even have their lives turned completely upside down if what they are writing is interesting enough. Suffice to say it becomes a major part of your life. So how do you keep such a major thing a secret from someone? When is the right time to tell somebody about your internet alter ego? If you write a blog like mine, you run the risk of them leaving because they are offended. Even if they are not offended, from that moment forward you are severely limited in what you can write about. No more guides to one night stands, no more misogynistic rants, no more complaining about girls who are bad in bed. Because the next call you get will inevitably be that person saying “Was that about ME?”

There is a part of me that wants her to read all this stuff I’ve written so she can give me the requisite “Wow, you’re a really great writer” compliment and so she can learn more about who I am and what I do. But more the first one. Another side knows that as soon as I do that, my limited post ideas will get even smaller, and the content of this blog will undoubtedly suffer. A friend of mine said there is no way you can maintain a blog and a relationship at the same time. When nobody read this shit, it was easy. Now that I have a larger audience it has gotten harder. Imagine if that audience included someone I had to worry about offending with rants about girls who are boring in bed? This blog would downright suck.

So, I ask my fellow bloggers, especially those who write blogs similar to mine, when is the right time to tell someone about a blog like this? I am new to the game here, and I am inclined to keep this all a secret. Since I’m not on MySpace and my full name appears nowhere on here, it would be hard for her to find unless she happened to be looking for Jenn Sterger on Deadspin. (Still my #1 referral page) I am thinking the right time is never, or, better still, when I want to make a graceful exit. We all have our secrets, right? I guess White Dade can just be mine.

35 Comments:

At 3:33 PM, Blogger Betty said...

I just had a guy find my myspace and his was SO FUCKING juvenile, it creeped me out. I don't know, I think a couple of months.

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

I honestly wouldn't tell her. In fact, I don't plan on telling any future boyfriends/dates about mine. It has ruined at least one of my relationships and one of my friendships. Yes, it's a big part of your life, but unless you want her to go through your archives, I wouldn't suggest even mentioning the words "white" and "dade" together.

Oh, and I hate when I tell people that I blog, and they assume it's a freaking MySpace page. That isn't a real blog. That's somewhere for all of the little angst-ridden teenagers to whine about how much they hate their lives.

 
At 3:54 PM, Blogger Sofi said...

Some of my nearest and dearest are in the dark about my blog, and I prefer to keep it that way. I find that I often have to censor what I say because of the people I do know who read it. I've had a few awkward moments when my friends who know about and read the blog, start telling other people about it.

My mom knows about the blog, and chose to tell everyone about it at a family dinner. After threatening to throw a butter knife at her, she has learned that she is not allowed to talk about it. I was not thrilled when I found out the my 16 year old cousins in Utah are reading it. I discovered this on Christmas Day when one of them informed me that she used to look up to me until she found out that I did drugs and that I "hang out with Jews and fags."

I don't think you should tell her. At least not, yet.

 
At 4:09 PM, Anonymous MiamiGringo said...

MySpace -- I friggin hate MySpace. I get that too (along with everyone else evidently). Hell I've had people brag to me about their MySpace page, only to have me look at it and tell them it looks like every other freaking MySpace page out there. (What's with the always online pictures anyways? That always did bother me...)

But onto the real question -- I don't tell anyone who's friendship I actually value about my blog. Well... let me clarify that. I tell them I HAVE a blog, but I do not tell them what I write, what my name is, or why I'd want to do it in the first place. That's the cool thing about being a blogger -- the fact it's as anonymous (or public) as you want it to be.

Everyone needs some way to vent or let off steam, or just say what's on their minds. You have yours in your blog, as do many others. The point is it's YOUR blog, it's your little kingdom on the web, so do with it what you will. :)

 
At 4:30 PM, Blogger Tara said...

Good post and good question. I don't know, though. I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, but I do limit myself to what kinds of people I tell. I have never told anyone I work with that I have a blog because they would surely stumble upon it and see some of the work-related posts and half-rants. I told one guy who I liked about my blog but he's not a blogger himself so he checked it out once (several months ago), said I had some "interesting schtuff" on there and I doubt he has visited since.

I think it's more of a trust issue with me. If I know they are decent and going to visit, I'll tell them. If they are on the sleezy side (like some guys I've run into on Myspace), I won't share it with them. I don't want them reading about my personal life and beliefs and then posting something that could embarrass not only me, but the friends I've met through Blogger.

 
At 5:03 PM, Anonymous becca said...

I rarely tell people and if I do, I mention it passing. Most people hate blogs and they are just praying that I don't say something like, "I have a blog. Want the address?" They just want to move on to another topic so they don't have to feel guilted into actually visiting said blog. I know because if I say "I have a blog," only about 5% will respond with, "Really? Can I read it?"

And as for family members, I told two and I regret it. Luckily one already forgot the URL.

 
At 5:59 PM, Blogger CrimeNotes said...

Longtime reader, first-time commenter. My advice is that you should never tell her. I haven't told my family and I don't like to tell my friends. If someone you know wants to talk about a post that you wrote and you're not up to it, say, "I wasn't writing that as me, I was writing that as White Dade," which is pretentious and probably dishonest but always works. Personally, I like blogging, but as a hobby it's as socially acceptable as scrapbooking and/or being an amateur textile historian.

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger Raincouver said...

I love the comment about Myspace too... "disdain reserved... for boy band members". Yeah, no kidding.

As for the blog, I view it as a way to think out loud with a number of like-minded people. It's a way of expressing yourself and stating your views without fears of reprisals or other repercussions. Among them is my worst fear: losing your job.

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger Jaime said...

I've been seeing someone for the last few weeks, and told him about the blog not too long after meeting him. I definitely do feel restricted about what I can write (mostly because I want to write about this and other relationships but I know he will read the posts). Also, I'll start to tell him about something that happened to me and he'll say, "yeah, I read about that on your blog." I don't know if that means I can no longer tell him anything that I also write on my blog, or if he's just telling me that he reads it because he likes me, or what.

Don't tell her unless things get more serious, and then caveat it like crazy, because she is going to go straight home and read the whole thing.

 
At 7:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep in mind that she can read back through the archives and find pretty much anything. Even if there's one little thing she might get the wrong idea about, it might not be worth it just yet. She'd probably appreciate knowing you're a writer, though. Maybe you can tell her you keep an occasional journal and not let anything else on. When you're sure she understands you and won't be put off by something she reads, you can tell her.

Drawback: Your friends might mention it in front of her by accident one day.

 
At 7:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amy, please punch your sweet little cousin. Awww. Jews and fags, how cute.

 
At 9:45 PM, Blogger B-Brod said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:46 PM, Blogger B-Brod said...

I think you could maintain the two sides of yourself independently if you wanted. It could be like a superhero alter ego, only instead of going out and fighting crime, which would rule, you would go inside and type on a computer like a little bitch. Sorry the smack talk habit is hard to break. If she does find out, I would just play it off like it’s no big deal and that its’ not life consuming. I’m not saying you should be embarrassed about it in front of her. I would think if she would find anything appealing, it would be self confidence. Be proud of your blog. You must know that you have writing skills being that your blog is as popular as it is now. I have a few friends out here who ask me ever day around 5 pm if I have read the new WD yet.
So what I’m saying is… hold off for as long as you can, but if it comes up, then embrace it. Either that, or at least wait until after your first Christmas or Chanukahahahah together - or whatever it is you Jews do.

 
At 11:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't even understand the dilemma here. What, if any, benefit is it to tell her about it EVER? Besides, if one of your friends or family members decided to spill the beans for you, you could always tell her you write for entertainment purposes only. That way, she would never actually know if what you are writing is what you really think/do or if it's just to get ratings (or, umm, blog groupies?)...

If you kept a written diary, would you just hand it to her to read, I mean EVER? It's a no brainer.

Of course you are a great writer, but I am sure there are other things you could get her to stroke your ego for.

MVTT

 
At 1:33 AM, Anonymous melissa said...

I think that you should not tell her. I am one of those people asking if there was a new post and we discuss it while at work on the clock over instant messanger... I look forward to your rants and the last thing I want is a watered down White Dade!

BTW-b-brod's pic creeps me out.....

 
At 1:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you should not tell her because damn dude you've got one dirty dick! Plus we would all suffer for the compromised content matter... but she'll find out anyway. We have our ways. So you should sing her praises at least a little more so she can at least read that, too.

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger Virgle Kent said...

Listen up, it’s just like having anal sex with hooker at your bachelor party the night before the wedding. No matter how guilty you feel, you shut the fuck up and take it to your god damn grave! Trust me it’s also like guys like us going to the doctors for an AIDS test, nothing good can come of it, so don’t do it.


Be a man….. keep your mouth shut. It’s the price way pay to be A listers.

 
At 7:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My space.....not heard of this to-date but gonna check it out as i'm curious to see what the source of all this blog-snobbery and high-horsejinx looks like.


ps pretty boy, who's to say she isn't well aware of you suedo literary personality!!!

 
At 8:05 AM, Anonymous Playtah said...

I can see four possible courses of action that would solve this dilemma:

1. Don't tell her about your blog.
2. Start another blog about how you support women's rights, and love kittens and puppies. If she asks about your blog, give her the address to THAT one.
3. Start a different blog, but make your profile female, and use a male psuedonym for the women you date. Then when you (or should I say, "Evelyn"?) rant about your dates, ("Jeff", "Mike," and "Jason"?) no one will have any idea who you are talking about. (Unless of course the gender-twists start confusing you, and you accidently refer to "Jason" as the whore who gave her last three boyfriends a rash.)
4. Tell your girlfriend about your blog, but tell her that if she even thinks about reading it, you will bury her alive in the nearby quarry where she can meet your last 5 girlfriends who were a little too liberal with their literacy skills.

 
At 8:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with basically everyone else who commented: you shouldn't tell her. But if she were to find out I'd take the actor/actress approach...Whatever you do on-screen (both movie and computer) is just an act. You write for entretainment value.

Amy - I love your cousin's opinion on your social life, simply hilarious. Because I "hang out with Jews and fags" and no one looks up to me anymore either. Fucking ignorant Mormons.

- Florida hater

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

First of all, a lot more people blog in places like NY or DC than LA or Miami because there are a lot of overeducated people in those cities. I have lots of family in South Florida and I love visiting, but MAN, are there some ignorant people down there. It's like full of attractive people who aren't smart enough to save the $400 it takes to fly to LA so they think they can go to Miami, wait for "something" and be rich and beautiful.

And, NO, don't mention your blog, unless you don't talk about dating or anything else embarrassing on there.

 
At 9:24 AM, Blogger Rachel said...

A friend of mine found my blog and saw a post that I wrote about her regarding poor tipping habits. She was extremely offended and was REALLY pissed off at me. I ended up removing the entire post to pacify her. Since we have been friends for 14 years I figured it was a small sacrifice.
But, now I can't bitch about any crap that goes on with my friends because they all know the website.
Another thought, you have blogged her a few times about your stat sheet of who you have slept with. If you tell her about the blog, she will go back and read ALL of the archives (guaranteed) and I will bet you money that she will then ask to see your sex stat sheet. If she doesn't ask, better not let her have ANY access to your PC, cause she will try to find that shit.
WD~ I enjoy your blog too much to see you get stifled by worrying about someones feelings. The fact that you don't give a shit about offending people is one of the reasons that I read your blog. You will say things that many people will agree with but are to PC to say themselves.
Dude, there are too many people living vicariously through your rants for you to tone it down.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

Like affairs, these things should be kept from girlfriends. Think about how they'll grab a hold of this--want to edit it before you print, they'll be offended, give you the silent treatment. No good can ever come from telling a girlfriend/wife about your blog.

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger jenjen said...

Don't fucking tell her Dade!!!

if you do, you are one drama whore, and upon your breakup, could make for some dull banter.

If you must gain her recognition for writing, start a blog just for her...aw how sweet.

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Betty - What do you expect when you want to date 18-year-olds? sicko.

Ash - I'm just curious, since you seem to meet a lot of your dates online, how do you keep it form them?

Amy - Mom's have big mouths, don't they? And those Mormons...so tolerant aren't they? What about my best friend from HS who has a gay brother and hangs out with me all the time?

MG - What are always online pictures?

Tara - your blog, no offense, is wholly unobjectionable, though. If I were a guy dating you I'd be like "Oh, okay, cool" but certainly nothing on there is going to make me recoil.

Becca - How do you forget a name like Magic Jewball?

Crime - textile historian, huh? I gotta try that.

Raincouver - Oddly ,a lot of people seem to lose their jobs over blogs. But I tinhk it has more to do with inappropriate ocmputer use than the actual content.

Jaime - thanks. I am really starting to think keeping this a secret is probably the best idea.

Anon1 - I think they already have. but I think she just is either spacing out or doesn't care to ask any more.

Anon2 - Like I said. Mormons are some damned tolerant people, aren;t they?

B-Brod - It's not exactly like telling a girl you're superman, you know? More like telling her you collect stamps.

MVTT - Again, the blunt voice of reason. Maybe I can just direct her to some old VIPs.

Melissa - I"m glad I can help you waste time at the top-secret locaiton in which you work. And ben's pivture creeps me out too.

Anon - How do you know aobut me being dirty? who are you? And who the hell wants to read me tlaking about how awesome some girl is? THAT would surely spell the end of WD as you know it.

VK - Excellent advice. Thank you. Since oyu are in a similar boat, I see where you are oging.

Anon - Pretty boy? I'm guessing she probably would have mentioned it by now. and who would have told her anyway?

Playtah - HA! How did you know I hang out with guys named Mike and Jason on a daily basis? And the Jason I know gives rashes to every girl he hooks up with anyway.

FH - That's pretty much what I plan to do.

HIN - you obviously haven't read the whole thing. Save for the posts writte by other people, pretty much everything is embarassing.

Rachel - she knows about the spreadsheet, actually, it came up in conversation. She is not on it yet, tohugh, as I have been lazy in updating it.

Angel - solid point. but I reiterate, she is not my girlfriend. Jeez, uit's only been 3 weeks.

JenJen - Actually, I tinhk the ensuing drama would be pretty entertianing. that being said, I have enough ideas and who realyl wants to read about that anyway?

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger MonkeyPants said...

I try not to write things that will get me into trouble should the person I wrote about find it. I just outed myself to my brother's girlfriend (and will have to out myself to him as well) since she moved in with me for a few weeks and will be meeting everyone -- I didn't want any awkward conversations. Plus I have to use her computer at home since mine died.

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

How do I keep it from them? I don't date guys from the blog- only guys that I meet on MySpace (ick); and there is no link from my MySpace page to my blog (at least, not anymore). That way, no one that I meet from MySpace knows about it.

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger T. said...

I've often had an internal conflict about telling people about my blog. I told my girlfriend, and I still wonder if it was a good idea. Not only did it make my content suffer, but then she started telling her friends and coworkers about it. For a guy that's as politically incorrect as I can be, it really made the content of my blog suffer. I have a lot of baby boomer and hippie friends, and I never tell them about my blog either because if they knew how right-wing I was, knew how ridiculous I think "humanitarians" like Bono and Angelina Jolie are or knew how stupid I think global warming worries are, they'd all rake me over the coals.

 
At 5:59 PM, Blogger nicole said...

My situation is the complete opposite of yours. Eric and I met through each other's respective blogs so by the time we started dating there was no bridge to cross.

But most of what I write is harmless when it comes to relationships. My main concern is keeping my blog separate from my FAMILY. Having them find out about the stuff I write is my worst nightmare. And I only publish fluff!

 
At 12:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh gawd! Yes, give her the JD watered-down VIPs to impress her with your writing skills -- oh, wait, she won't really care as long as you giver her an orgasm...

MVTT

 
At 12:51 AM, Blogger Captain Caveman said...

Almost none of my close friends know about my blog... that is, until next Monday, when my real name and my pseudonym get linked forever and I become completely fucked. I'll let you know how it goes.

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger Artemis said...

First time here, and a relatively new blogger.
Unfortunately, I have the kind of job you can't get fired from ...you just keep getting demoted until they're through with the beatings.
But I'm doing my best to blog my way out of this job...even now as I casually sit in front of my boss reading this post.
Which is fucking brilliant, by the way.

 
At 2:01 PM, Anonymous rumandpopcorn said...

Until you've deemed this realtionship 'somewhat serious', you can wait. And when she does find out, you can use the 'I was writing in character' defense. If she feels like she knows the real you, you'll get away with it...er, be able to make it work.

 
At 6:47 PM, Blogger Andy said...

Since your blog is mostly just expressed opinion on various things I would render it not that big of a deal. You could easy tell her about it (and you don't have to give her the address either) within a month or so. To me it would be like telling her you don't swear and then accidentally saying "Fuck" in front of her. She might be a little shocked, but she won't really care because she's heard it all before.

Of course, I write nothing personal at all in my blog and thusly never have to deal with offending anyone...and no one reads it anyway. Except lately somone at Ralph Lauren who has spent several hours on it.

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

I don't see why you shouldn't tell her at some point. Are you really writing 100% as yourself or adding in a little bit of a persona to make it more entertaining for your readership? Either way, if she's going to be an important part of your life, she should get to know the real you, blog and all. And you, being a gentleman, aren't going to write nasty things about her until, well, the breakup, right?

 

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