Wednesday, August 09, 2006

White Dade's Guide to Getting Casual Sex

It seems, to me anyway, that there is a venerable glut of blogs devoted to showing guys how to get laid. Or, more specifically, how to be a "player." The majority of them, while highly satirical in nature, still instruct men to perpetuate the "asshole" persona in order to get girls while proposing a confusing list of rules and guidelines on how to fuck with woman’s head. This is way too confusing. In my experience, casual sex is way easier than that. So, as a "nice guy" who has had success at least in the realm of quantity if not quality, I would like to provide a little insight on what it takes to get casual sex on a regular basis without having to become that loathsome individual called "the player."

1. Make the Gym Your Best Friend – I mean, make it your second highest priority after work. If you are unemployed, it should be the main event of your day. This is by far the most important thing on this list. Lift for size if you are small, lift for definition if you are big. Muscles are the quickest way into a girl's pants. Maybe not huge ones, but at least noticeable. When you have a hot body, the easy sex is yours to lose.

2. Spend Time Picking out Your Clothes – Every guy comedian has a bit about how women spend hours shopping and men spend about five minutes. "I'm like a guided missile. Go in, buy my pants, get out." Well, did you ever stop to think that if you spent time trying on a lot of different things and finding ones that made you look really, really good, you might get more attention from women? It's true. I have shirts that are 75-80% guarantees of at least getting hit on and/or a drink bought for me. And it does not involve spending money, you can find clothes that make you look good at Target..

3. Tan. – Sound gay? Ever heard of "Tall Dark and Handsome." If you go tanning, you've got one of those out of the way early. It is work, but there are few people who do not look better with a solid tan.

4. Take Care of Yourself – If you are over 25, you don't look as good as you used to. Period. So you can say I'm gay for getting manicures, facials and expensive haircuts, but women notice if you've had it done. They are extremely observant of these things. How do you think they are so adept at ripping other girls apart? If you take the time to take care of yourself, most girls will appreciate it.

5. NEVER Approach a Woman Unless it is Obvious – Next to the gym, this is the most important thing to remember. If a girl is eye-fucking you form across the room, okay, fine, go up and say Hi. Otherwise do not even look at women in a bar. Talk to your friends. Act like you are having the most enthralling conversation ever. Pretend there are no women in the room at all and within 2 hours one will be trying to get your attention. If you ever go out with me, I never point out hot girls, hell, I barely even notice them. If you are in a dance club, stand in the middle of the dance floor with a dirnk and look drunk out of your mind. Girls will approach you when you ignore them. And they find the guys grinding behind them 100% disgusting.


6. Ask
Questions – If a girl approaches you, you have automatically been put on the "I'd fuck him" list. So it is really yours to blow at this point. Which you can do by talking about yourself. At all. Just sit and ask her questions about herself, because you will be hard pressed to find a woman who does not like a guy who "listens." Now, are you listening? Probably not. But at least you are not just waiting for a chance to talk about you.

7. Talk About Sex – This one is tricky, and really only applies to girls you semi-know. You can't come off like a pervert, and you can't come off as desperate or bragging. You have to come off like the male-advisor columnist in Cosmo: Knowledgeable, experienced and frank. I know more about my guy friends' sex lives from talking to their girlfriends than I do form talking to them. It is tough to pull off, and I recommend reading a couple issues of Cosmo and watching a few reruns of "Sex and The City" to get the female perspective. But once women start to associate you with sex, it is only a short jump form there to the bedroom.

8. Lower your Standards – I'm not saying go around banging fatties all the time. That shit is disgusting. But do not insist on going home with nothing less than an 8. Because, as The Great Matt Johnson once said "Nothing ruins a man's sex life like high morals and standards." 5-7 is perfectly acceptable and they will probably be grateful to be hooking up with a guy with a great body, great clothes and a nice tan who is knowledgeable about sex.

9. Act Like You've Been There Before – When you invite a girl home, or suggest you go to her place, do not act like you are asking her for a kidney. If she wants to fuck you, she'll say yes. If she doesn't she'll say no. but if you ask her with any kind of trepidation, she'll probably think this is also how you fuck and therefore not waste her time. And once you get home, do not waste time on pleasantries. Offer up a drink, then proceed to the bedroom. No food, no movies. You both know why you're there. Otherwise you may, as a friend of mine recently did, get stuck listening to her talk until 7:30 AM and get nothing more than a 5 minute make-out.

It really is just that easy. A girl decides within five minutes if she's going to sleep with you or not. Which means your first impression in crucial. If you start giving a rat's ass about your appearance, it makes everything 100 times easier. You're going to put in work somewhere, be it talking, going on dates or getting rejected. You may as well put it in on the front end, that way even if you strike out you will be in better shape for it. This method has worked for me. Hopefully it will for you too. Men so often underestimate the importance of looking good and instead focus on silly things like "cockiness" and "looking rich." But a good body and a good wardrobe go a lot further than you'd think. Good luck, gents, and let me know how it works out.

27 Comments:

At 4:47 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

" And they find the guys grinding behind them 100% disgusting"
Yes, we definitely do. And I hope a LOT of guys read this.

"A girl decides within five minutes if she's going to sleep with you or not"
99% of the time, yes. there have been 1 or 2 cases where I didn't think I would at first, but after talking to the guy, I changed my mind.

"Men so often underestimate the importance of looking good and instead focus on silly things like "cockiness" and "looking rich."
I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Good post, wd.

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

btw, my word verf was "trez"

Johnson must be working in Blogger's word verf department now.

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger jenjen said...

sha ha ha..still laughing. Will get back to ya on that.

 
At 6:24 PM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

Good advice. I'm going to point some of my friends this way. Some of them think that just wearing shoes is adequate dress wear. Another thinks that because he showered, it's enough.

 
At 6:38 PM, Blogger T. said...

I agree with everything except never approaching a woman unless it's obvious. I think part of being a man is remembering how to hunt and appreciating a challenge. Seriously, i used to follow the rule of only going for the obvious chicks or the ones that approach you first and I often ended up with chicks, but many of them were crazy, stalkers or strippers. Sure it's harder, but it feels good to approach that first-choice girl you REALLY want and risk rejection than settle for the chick that approaches you and makes it obvious. Sometimes your first choice is that same chick that makes it obvious and approaches, but not often. Also, TIWWDN is one of those advice column blogs for guys who wanna get laid? Is this before I started reading it, because it's not like that now.

P.S. That fattie pic is hilarious.

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger alizinha said...

Offer up a drink, then proceed to the bedroom. No food, no movies. You both know why you're there.

Truer words were never spoken. And given the fact that many women will wait for the guy to make the move, you guys might as well make that move sooner than later.

Assuming that the woman's not wasted beyond all recognition and you're not coercing her, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

The sooner you get down to business, the less tired you'll both be and the more time you'll have to enjoy yourselves, catch some sleep, and enjoy yourselves again. Just sayin'.

 
At 10:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I consider myself a "nice" girl and I agree with most of this.

A lot of these rules could be applied to getting a girlfriend, too. But I also kinda agree with "T" on his exception. If overly aggressive girls are all you want, fine, wait for them to approach you in a club...but if you want to apply these rules to regular girls, you will have to approach them sometimes, strike up a convo in a bookstore or whatever. Girls are always in places like coffee shops etc. trying to meet a guy, even sometimes reading on the subway, and guys just don't try.

As for women deciding w/in 5 minutes whether we'll sleep with you - no. We decide w/in 5 minutes whether we WON'T. If we are grossed out by you or think you're a jerk or not worth our time, then you've lost. If not, then, as you've said, it's your game to lose.

Finally, is casual sex worth all this work? One time, and then it's over? If you're going to expend this energy, wouldn't it be worth it to find a girl you can have sex with more than once??

 
At 11:29 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

The correct quote is "morals and standards will ruin your sex life" but that's close enough for government work.

You should also add "don't pop your collar b/c we will turn it down for you, most likely touching off a bar brawl if you are the macho type, resulting in everyone getting thrown out ensuring no casual sex for anyone."

 
At 8:06 AM, Blogger Tara said...

This is very interesting and some good advice in there, Dade! Thank you!

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger White Dade said...

Ash - They must know my birthday is coming up.

JenJen - Get back to me on what?

Angel - Again, and I cna't say this enough, that's what you get for living in West Virginia.

T - Oh, you've dated strippers too? awesome. that is a great time. I have come to the reaization recently that what I want in a girl is one who worhsips me, basically. And one who I approach generally won't right away. call it insecurity, but I am much more comfortable when I am the object of desire.

Allison - A favorite move of mine is asking a girl if I can use her bathroom and then completely forgetting to use it when I get to her apartment. usually she has to point it out for me.

Anon - Yes, some do. but a lot don't. And they just get pissed off and go "Why do guys keep hitting on me when all I want to do is ride the friggin subway?!" I'd rather not risk that.

Johnson - Speaking from personal experience, are we?

Tara - You are welcome.

 
At 9:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice. Your points on looking good (especially the gym) and acting like you've been there before are excellent.

However the "don't approach unless it's obvious" tip should be reconsidered. Muscular, attractive, well-dressed guys often get too used to women approaching them and expect it. You end up losing out on lots of women who would've gone for you but for THEIR fear of approaching. It's a shame.

Don't be like 2 pandas who never mate because none of them make the first move.

A.

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger jenjen said...

This is such the 'build it and they will come' mentality. I guess I sort of agree with some of your perceptions, however this is the opposite of what works in the O.C. I have to believe Miami can't be that much different after watching Paris on MTV. I was really hoping to see you in the background of the club, you being such a huge fan of the bitch and all. The fact is, in this new age of entitlement, and don't make me say it 'bling' and crap, the only thing that ensures casual sex with a girl is throwing copious amounts of money at her...totally against your principles, I understand. You definitely have your work cut out.
1) tanning is very bad for your skin, try a self tanner.
2) A guy carefully choosing clothes does not insure good taste, hence the striped shirt and jeans combo + your fantasy girl seems to be more attracted to gutter rot bum gear and USMC tees, at least that's how I imagine blonde Alabama teens...I'm sure the hottest chick can appreciate a good can of Strohs no doubt. Conversely, a girl can attract more guys with a good cheap can of beer. the claim to my fame.
Cheers

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger jenjen said...

oh yeah and isn't it 'terz'
batnuts or something? I read the review out on the 3rd movie.

 
At 2:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

White Dade, everything is risky, of course. You're right, a subway may not be the best place. BUT THAT IS WHY you can strike up a conversation and see if she continues it. An experienced guy will leave her alone after a one-word answer. If she looks up and seems happy to talk to you, then there's promise.

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger Johnny said...

Nice article but facials and manicures? You been in Miami too long. Up in the northeast that's gay stuff. But otherwise, decent tips for meeting slutty girls at clubs. Probably not for respectable ones.

 
At 10:02 PM, Blogger dmbmeg said...

I agree with Johnny. please no facials and manicures. a guy should never spend more maintenance on himself then the girl. oh yes, and please stay away from making your hair so gelled up it makes me bleed when i touch it, square toed kenneth cole shoes, and the obligatory "i'm looking for pussy" black leather jacket.

thank you,
the mgmt

 
At 1:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Otherwise do not even look at women in a bar. Talk to your friends. Act like you are having the most enthralling conversation ever."

This is your best advice by far.

The facials and manicures, however, have got to go. Haven't you heard...metrosexual is out, the manly man is in. I much prefer stubble and dirt under the nails, yeow.

 
At 1:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dirt and stubble in a "rugged working man" kinda way...not in a homeless way...mind you...

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger The Assimilated Negro said...

nice work. sounds spot on to me. though here I was thinking I was one of the core principles in getting casual sex. goddammned lower case letters.

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger White Dade said...

Anon - Agian, I reiterate, first and formeost I look for a woman who is forward and attracted to me. If those are qualities you like, then my methds work.

JJ - That's why I did so bad in OC. that's why I left. And it is Terz Bloodnut III

Johnny - hece it being a guide to casual sex

dmbmeg - I avoid all those other tihngs.acrtually, I don't even use gel. Dry wax all the way.

Anon2 - metro may be out, but a good looking guy will always be in.

Anon3 - homeless guys are hot. What are you tlaking about.

TAN - oh, you will always be a principal in casual sex.

 
At 10:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I stand by the words of my fellow OC girl, JJ. I don't think it applies to just the side of the US, but then again, I was born and raised in CA so what do I know?

MVTT

 
At 11:25 AM, Blogger Cassandro said...

Simpler answer: get a call girl.

 
At 1:41 PM, Anonymous Yvette said...

Goodness gracious, WD. Could your vast amounts of success be attributable to your personality, rather than your methodology? If this stuff works for you, then more power to you. But I respectfully disagree with some of your points.

WRT #1 and #2. First of all, if you are unemployed, get employed before worrying about chicks or sex. That would be ideal. While I believe that men should be well groomed and healthy, I'm totally turned off by anyone who looks like they spend all day in the gym and take longer to dress than I. Not good to be too narcissistic, I think.

WRT #3. Please don't tan. Well, unless you're also going to smoke. It portrays the same level of concern for your health. Having just gotten back from vacation is the only reason to be tanned.

WRT #5. Fortunately, I am not in your target demographic, WD. Even so, I am one of the most gregarious people in any given room and would never eye-fuck anybody (at least, not anybody I wasn't already intimate with!). The women who tend to be the most aggressive about such things are usually just aggressive, in general. But if that's your thing...

WRT #7. Again, I'd be put off by this, as it always smacks of desperation.

But that's just my take. ;-)

 
At 6:25 PM, Blogger Ale8one said...

come on dade, everything sounds good, but for the love of god, sex and the city was written by gay guys, not that there's anything wrong with that - but that show's indicative of how gay guys and hyper-absorbed, attention-needy chicks behave.

 
At 2:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your advice is good as far as it goes, but who wants to fuck girls in the 5-7 range? With more game you can hit 8+ consistently.

 
At 1:16 AM, Anonymous Mel said...

Yanno, yesterday I read a blogspot in which a girl was giving casual sex advice and basically telling guys to be cocky and hump everything and everything with legs in order to increase thier chances blah blah blah... with a sidenote at the end advising a word of caution that sex *could* end in pregnancy.

For the sake of every sexually active person, I hope yours is read instead.

 
At 7:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok so it's true the girls wait for the guy to make the first move. Painfully in my case. What if you're the guy who DOES listen and then does feel guilty for pushing? Honestly, if you listen to women talk, they tell you they hate pretty much every guy preceding you for being such a jerk, and it's always something to do with casual sex. So how's that first move thing work then? I keep *actually listening* and ending up with the 7am/5min sessions.. I'm REAL tired of being the big brother best friend but the girls won't push me when I need a little shove! Now it's all in my head and I'm completely stuck! Somebody tell me where that blog is!!

 

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