Wednesday, September 06, 2006

White Dade Meets the Cowgirls or How to Get a Free Meal at Hooters

I walked into Oxygen Lounge Saturday night and they were not hard to spot. Three girls, dancing on poles in the “VIP” section, with a throng of male admirers drooling over their every move. I asked the security guard “Are those those FSU girls?” “Yeah,” he responded shaking his head, “they need to get they ass back to Tally. Fuck the Noles.” Apparently the VIP guard at Oxygen used to be a different kind of Guard at UM, and was one of the few whose NFL career did not pan out. I stepped to the velvet tope and leaned over to a short girl in a black dress sitting on a couch. “Are you Jenn Sterger?” I asked. She gave me a look like “Maybe. Who the fuck wants to know?” So I leaned over and introduced myself, which garnered a similar look saying “Okay, and that is supposed to mean what to me exactly?” “I’ve conversed with your father,” I said. It took a second for her eyes to light up, but out of all the people I’ve met through this blog, no one had ever been more excited to meet me as Jenn Sterger. “OMIGOD! Are you White DADE?!” I nodded and she immediately came out from behind the velvet rope. “Oh. My God! Funniest shit I have ever read in my life!” I expect this same reaction from all of you should we ever meet face to face.

I had snuck over to Oxygen from my usual spot in the corner of the Tavern, not mentioning to anyone where I was going. I had been personally invited by both Jenn's father and her internet Guru, so don’t go thinking this was some whacko stalker job or something. We talked briefly and she invited me out to dinner the next night. It really is a wonderful world where you can spend 1500 words saying why someone is everything that is wrong with America and in return they buy you dinner. (Jessica Cutler, you’re next, I expect the same treatment.) So Jenn told me to call her. Of course, of all the weekends for the screen on my Razr to go out, this would be the one. So when a minor, minor celebrity wants to give you their phone number, you can’t store it. She understood though: She is also the owner of that god awful technological advent known as the Razr phone. But unlike most pretty girls who tell me drunk in crowded clubs they will call me the next day, Jenn Sterger was true to her word.

I had initially thought the dinner would be me, Jenn, and maybe a couple of random friends of hers. Not so much the case. “A lot of people wanted to meet you” she told me on the phone. And not all of them were fans. Apparently some of the guys from who had had some not-so-nice things to say about my post were in attendance, as well as the two new Cowgirls for this year. They are making this a sort of secondary mascot for the ‘Noles. “Groups of girls always work” one of them told me. “Look at the Pussycat Dolls or the Spice Girls.” At any rate, a few of the guys were very nice and we talked about various guy-type things. But a couple were giving me the stink eye most of the night. Maybe they were just mad that I was not the fat, dorky loser they’d hoped I was.

In an odd twist of irony, guess where my dinner with the Cowgirls was held? That’s right. Hooters. It seemed appropriate as myself, Jenn and one of the new girls had all worked there so we immediately were able to swap “God, Hooters is a lousy place to work” stories. But the conversation was more interesting than that. I learned that Jenn Sterger is actually a bigger UM fan than I am, which isn’t really saying much. I also learned a little more about her family, her background, and her future plans. And as much as I’ve said about her over-exposure, I still maintain (and read through the original post if you think I’m contradicting myself) that she is just running with the ridiculous ball she has been thrown. Why she is famous still baffles me; in person she is attractive, but not going to turn any heads in South Beach. She even admitted she was not the best looking of the original three (and the new generation actually takes it up a notch) But for various reasons she explained she has gotten a break and is making the most of it, and I think we all would do the exact same thing.

I learned a few things during this dinner, though. Despite my pseudo-racist attitude towards hot girls, I learned that not ALL of them are awful, shallow people. But in order to be in that small subset of personable, witty hot girls, you have to have some sort of unusual background. Jenn was a band geek who got hot at the right time. Another one of the girls was raised all over Europe, so was probably not exposed to the American custom of not expecting beautiful women to have personalities. When I asked Jenn about the selection process for the new Cowgirls (not exactly run like the Miss Florida pageant) she said that obviously, you had to be hot, but more importantly you could not be a drama queen. You could not be full of yourself and you had to be a good person. And as cheesy as that sounds, I got a genuine feeling from the two new girls that they fit into that mold. At least for now. Jenn was certainly not fake towards me, but after a year of being semi-famous, it is hard not to talk about what you’ve done. I think a year ago she would have come off the same as the two girls who hadn’t appeared in Maxim.

We also discussed our mutual disdain for Tucker Max (apparently he ripped her too but in a much more explicit and unintelligent way, which is why I got a free dinner and he got, well, a book deal, but let’s not go there) and she gave me some post ideas for the future. She also said that Johnson needed to “cool it,” which seemed odd given that I am unaware of any anti-Cowgirl fervor emanating form the virtual pages of Johnson 3:16. When I relayed the message to him, it sparked a long drunken rant involving him wearing a blonde wig and a cowboy hat screaming “Jenn Sterger doesn’t care about black people!” I guess he was a little upset.

All in all it was a very cordial, pleasant meeting and it was nice to know that Jenn did not take herself so seriously. As a matter of fact, after meeting her I think a lot of what she does is self parody. “I’m glad I got to meet you when I’m dressed normally,” she said as we parted ways as the top of CoCo walk. “Tomorrow I’m going to be all whored-out.” So she retired to make outfits for her and the two new girls for the next day’s game, as her friends went to Mansion. And I continued on to Ted’s Hideway. Perhaps in 20 years I’ll see Jenn Sterger there. She will be on her fifth Martini, her sixth boob job and her second facelift. At some point, someone, probably me, will say something insulting to infuriate her, and she’ll throw her Martini glass across the room and yell, “You know who I was? I was the FSU Cowgirl, goddam it! I was somebody!” And I will smile and go back to my game of Golden Tee.



At 2:40 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

uh oh, WD....are you going soft on us? And what has Johnson said about her?

At 2:45 PM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

She also owed you a drink!!

At 3:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to know that she doesn't take herself seriously. That being said, she got what she asked for on Tucker's Message Board. She should have figured that place out a little bit before posting, and receiving the inevitable.

At 4:29 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

White Dade. You said Hot girls and nice in the same sentence. And you were refering to Jen Sterger?
Is this some altered universe that you have entered? The one where it still looks like Miami, all of the same people are there but something isn't quite right?
Either the Twilight Zone or a new WD version of Sliders

At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Jaxraider said...

Just for the record, since it has once again been posted, the "Jenn Sterger" that supposedly posted in that Tucker thread was not Jenn. She has never been to that site. The person that posted in there was a young kid who started up the website on his own as a fansite. He registered the site and created an email account calling himself and went there and registered as the same back to his website. He did it intending to bring attention to the real Jenn, he was just trying to be a fan. He admitted it later on, but no one ever posts that part. He later added the disclaimner that his site is not affiliated with her own personal site. It was just one example of many where people got carried away with her when she first became famous on the net and her pics were everywhere.

And yes, I know this as a fact that all of this is true. Dade can vouch for me.

At 4:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

how did your girlfriend feel about this meetup??

At 5:37 PM, Blogger Captain Caveman said...

Nice work, Dade.

Hey, not all of us bloggers are caricatures of the rants we write.

At 7:39 PM, Blogger LSTERGER said...

Sorry I didn't get a chance to make it down for the game and of course meet the infamous WD in person! Knowing Jenn I'm sure she put dinner on my credit card! However it sounds like you, Jenn and the other cowgirls had a blast ...but pole dancing! Maybe I'm glad I wasn't there! We are going to try to make it down to either the Houston or FIU game ...maybe we can go to HOOTERS ...just don't expect any pole dancing from me!

At 7:22 AM, Blogger T. said... offense, but please stop mentioning that you got your meal for free. That's such a chick move. Other than that, good post.

At 8:46 AM, Blogger Johnny said...

WD: Your job now is to tap that and then let us know about it.

At 1:53 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Ash - Nothing that I know of. Which is why he got so upset.

Angel - What did she owe me a drink for? I mean, I'd have taken it, but why?

Anon - see Jaxraider's comment. jenn told me the exact same thing.

Rachel - Well, I won't say Jenn Sterger and her band of cowgirls disproved my theories on hot girls. They just showed me that stereotypes are not always true.

Jax - As I said, Jen told me the exact same thing. internet posers are a lot of fun, aren;t they?

Anon2 - Why would she care? This was a cordial, friendly meeting. Not a date. If she had been angry about it, I think that would have been the end. And really, if she thought I had a chance with any of them she is giving me waaaay too much credit.

Captain C - No, we are not.

Leo - If you're not going to be pole dancing, don't even bother coming down.

T - I am a whore for a free meal. Sorry.

Johnny - As fun as that sounds, one thing I have learned is where my league is and to stay within it to avoid embarassment. And these girls were deifnitely OUT of that league.

At 4:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is sad about you is that you are a racist and you repeat previous comments that are not funny. And once again you never mentioned if you actually went to UM. Get a life asshole and admit that you want to be famous also. Training 50 year old men is not going to get you that big house.

At 4:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And Mr. Sterger if some dumbass insulted my daughter I would not be nice to him. Jenn should have kicked your ass and if I was one of those guys you would have seen stars. Then you probably would have sued me but I would have glady settled out of court.

How you got into Oxygen is beyond me.

At 5:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One last point, you said in April that you were not going to write about Jenn Sterger again.

That lasted for a whole five months. Find some new material.

At 7:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

why do you hate Tucker Max? Hes a full on military groupie, plus he rags the hell out of South Florida.

At 8:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WD you gotta realize when your posts suck, "Cowgirls:" case and point, and shorten the hell out of them.

- Florida Hater

At 9:39 AM, Blogger White Dade said...

Anon - I went to UM, yes. Graduated, actually. I wouldn't have sued you, I'd have hit you back. In case you forgot I was a US marine for 6 years and am larger than most average males. But I'm not sure what you look like since you hide behind a computer screen. I had dinner with a large group of people who disagreed with me. see the difference? why are you so bothered? Leo and Jenn both seemed to like me well enough, and they are really the only ones who stood to be truly offended. But it is nice to see some haters again.

Anon2 - I hate Tucker Max becasue he has absolutely no class and brags about sex. which I find to be the single most distasteful thing anyone can do. I appreciate his appreciation for the Military, but I do like SOuth Floirda. It just has its flaws.

FH - Hey, I can't knock it out of the park every time. And as for legnth, well, when I make neough money off of this to employ an editor I will look into that.

At 9:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pot meet kettle. You stating that someone else has no class is hilarious. Your blogs suck so to get more exposure you attacked a girl who has been successful in promoting herself.

So, what type of degree did you get from UM?

At 10:34 AM, Blogger The Lone Gringa said...

The best comment on this post by far is "How you got into Oxygen is beyond me." Cause that is one high-class locale, ya know... being in a subterranean parking garage and all.

At 10:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well when you live in a cardboard box, Oxygen is a high class joint.

Fuck You!

At 6:08 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

WOW, WD! I couldn't believe it. An amicable end to all the drama about that post, though.

(PS ... after skimming these comments, I think you do a post about sarcasm and satire 101 ... I'd do it over at SaTB, but I'm working on the F List!)

At 3:04 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

Anon, I don't think he attacked her to get more exposure, and I'm just an observer. I'm pretty sure he attacked her because he wanted to. And yes, she has been successful in promoting herself, but I have a bit of a problem with that self and stuff your average American usually finds attractive.

How did you get into Oxygen, indeed? I've never been to Florida, so I don't know how things work in that club, but from my own experience, it's pretty much impossible to get into any nice club without at least a few hot girls.

At 7:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jenn Sterger doesn't care about black people.


At 4:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

White Dade still cannot comment on the degree he received and why he attacked someone and then backed down like a little bitch.

Way to let the government pay for your school too. You are a self absorbed breast feeding baby who couldn't hack it in a real job. Jenn may have some fake parts to herself but at least she admits it. You on the other hand hide behind a computer and a wannabe KKK persona.

"Lights out bitch, adios, goodnight now..."-Eminem. See, WD. I give credit to the author unlike you. Stop stealing material.

At 4:11 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Okay, Jerkof. For the last time...

I graduated with a Bachelors of business Administration from UM in 2002. but I find business about as interesting as Monday Night's Um.FSU game and therefore decided to get a job I would enjoy.

I have no idea where you think the government paid for my school. My GI bill was a whopping $8000 which pays for, of, about half a semester at UM. And I earned that shit.

Who says I backed down? I was civil, as in listening to an opposing point of view in a civil manner. you can call itbeing a little bitch if you want, but at the end of the day I made a bunch of new friends instead of enemies. And even Jenn herself said she found the post funny. Doubt she would have done that had i berated her dad when he left his comment months ago.

If I were "hiding" behind a computer persona, would I have agreed to meet anybody in Person? If you'd like to come to Miami and have dinner with me at Hooters, you are more than welcome. I know you know my email.

I stole that line about black people playing sports from Bill Maher. Nice catch.

At 5:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear White Dade,

Thank you for clearing that up. As stated earlier, you could not hack it in the business world so you decided to rip off old people by promising them better bodies. Sitting around an army training facility doesn't earn you shit. You probably didn't see one minute of real action.

As far as Jenn Sterger goes, you insulted her to get attention. She was nice to you because unlike you Jenn is smart and she knows the value of positive press. So you want to meet in Miami. Let's do that. My parents live in a very affluent area and I would like to see how you would do around very successful people. Movie stars, businessmen and women, stock brokers, you know the people who you claim hate their jobs because they actually work.

So put up or shut up White Trash. Your 15 minutes of Internet fame ran out with Miami's luck this year. Do you hear your heart racing WD? That's the sound of you getting called out on your own bullshit.


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