Don't Tell Me You're Fat, I'm In Denial
Ladies, I'm going to give you all a little advice today. I know that once you pass the age of about 22, your body just doesn't look the way it used to. This is just a sad fact of life for about 95% of the female population that does not run marathons and/or are major celebrities. Compared to middle-aged women you are still smoking hot, but we are also well aware that your body probably had a little more tone when you were 19. And, yes, we do miss it. But if you notice, we have grown to accept it since conversations with 19-year-olds are about the intellectual equivalent of The Jerry Springer Show. So when you realize that you just aren't the taut, sexy nubile creature you may have been your sophomore year, but please do not perpetually mention it to guys you are dating.
First of all, it is NEVER a turn-on to tell a guy "God, I look fat!" Men don't like that. It oozes insecurity and low self-esteem, and not in the "I'll do anything to get you to like me" way, but in the "I'm not confident in who I am way." Aka the "bad" way. And you know how much you girls love confidence? Well, so do we, and perpetually talking about how unattractive you think you are does not make you look any sexier in our eyes. It is, in fact, as big a turnoff you can have without smelling like garlic.
If you do insist on criticizing yourself, you are only going to make things worse by telling us how good you used to look. Like "Oh, look at this picture form formal Junior Year. God I was so skinny and tan. What happened to me?" Thanks. So I guess I just got the short end of the stick on that one didn't I? Glad to know all those ex's you talk about got to fuck Hot You, and I am stuck with Flabby Pale You. I guess once you got ugly you settled for me. Outstanding. That would be like me saying "Yeah, back when I had a lot of money I used to take my ex's shopping all the time and on great vacations and out to fine restaurants. Too bad I'm broke now. Wanna buy me some Taco Bell?" You'd feel a little pissed off, wouldn't you? The way you were when we met you was apparently good enough, so there is no need to let us know that you used to be better. All that does is makes us angry at you for letting yourself go. Again, not really a big turn on.
See, the thing is, all guys like to think they are banging a hot chick. Whether or not this is the case, after some time we can generally convince ourselves that we are and we can be happy in our little imaginary world. Then you have to bring it crashing down by reminding us that your stomach is getting bigger and your ass is beginning to sag. Thanks. There's nothing I like better than being made to feel like I'm fucking a fat chick. There is no greater feeling in the world than being reminded that the girl you are sleeping with is loaded with imperfections.
So even if you are obsessed with your newfound flabbiness, please refrain from mentioning it to a guy you are sleeping with. Because it does nothing to help your image in our eyes. And furthermore, if those things don't bother us, they really shouldn't bother you. I'm not saying abandon the gym and subsist on a diet of Pizza and Ben and Jerry's; you should always strive to look as good as you can. But you don't need to beat us over the head with your flaws because, quite frankly, if you keep saying it, we're going to start believing it. And then we'll probably sleep with the first girl we find with a tight, non sagging ass and a great tan. But you can't blame us, you're the one who let yourself go. Or so you keep saying.