Friday, October 06, 2006

The Lowerarchy of Shitty Chicks

I have said for a long time that there is a definite lowerarchy of shitty chicks. I use that word because there is nothing “high” about these women except possibly their naturally enhanced bust lines and their over-inflated senses of themselves. They are, in fact, the lowest form of human life that there is. I am talking about the forms of female life that are sub-human. Women that give women a bad name. Women who are already dead inside, so killing them is less of a crime. And there are a lot more of them out there than anyone would like to believe. The lowerarchy starts with normal girls, and digresses into lower life forms until it hits a form of life on par with plankton and chum. From my experience it pretty much looks like this:

Normal Girls – All you girls reading this fall into this category, right? Okay then, let’s move on.

Strippers - Strippers, while certainly a form of life lower than a normal girl, is still not THAT bad. She will pretend to like a man to get his money, but it is all done in the confines of a strip club and/or bachelor party, and pretty much everyone knows the deal. And if they don’t there are plenty of large black gentlemen around to clear up any possible misunderstandings. At the end of the day, strippers are not COMPLETELY degrading themselves as most sell a fantasy and not their bodies. But don’t get me wrong. They still all suck

Hookers - I don’t really need to explain why hookers are disgusting. . But I do respect them for one reason: While what they do is morally questionable to put it mildly, they are honest. They get their money up front, don’t really pretend to like you all that much, and leave when they are done. It is a business. A disgusting business, but a business nonetheless. NO nobody is being deceived.

Gold Diggers - Gold Diggers are truly disgusting, awful people. Women who sleep with men based on how much money they make have absolutely no self respect. They see themselves as objects and trophies and should be treated accordingly. With about as much emotion as you’d give any high-priced item you bought. Women who chase rich men make all other women look bad and make misogynists out of otherwise nice guys. If you have ever dumped a man because he didn’t have enough money, or slept with a guy who you didn’t find physically attractive in the hopes of material gain, you are a hooker who is lying to herself. Unlike the real prostitutes, you try and pass yourself off as a normal girl who “just wants someone to take care of me.” Yeah, in exchange for sex, you disgusting whore. And that is what you are. A disgusting whore. And when that fat, ugly rich man you’ve been letting slobber and sweat all over you finds someone younger and more attractive to spend money on, that is exactly how you are going to feel. If you don’t want to be treated like a whore, don’t act like one.

Groupies and Star Fuckers - But at least the gold diggers are getting SOMETHING out of it. Disgusting as it is, at least a gold digger gets a car, some diamonds, a trip to Europe, a condo. Whatever. This is why they are still held in higher regard than the lowest form of human life, the groupie/star fucker. There is only one thing in a girl’s sexual history that would make me break up with her, and that is having slept with a celebrity. Any women who would sleep with an unattractive man because he is famous (see: Slash, Jay-Z, Sam Cassell) has absolutely no respect for herself. She wants to be treated as an object and tossed away with less care than a used condom. It just makes me ill. By sleeping with a celebrity, you are effectively validating all of the awful disgusting things they do, and furthering the sickening culture of fame worship we have in this country. You are absolutely nothing to that guitar player you are blowing, except maybe someone to violate and humiliate. And what do you get in return? The loss of the respect of your friends (EEEW. Can you believe Jenny slept with Fat Joe? That is SOOO nasty!” The immediate rejection of any normal guy who finds out? Knowing that’ yes, indeed, it IS you he’s talking about when he says “Let’s get weird, stick yo’ dick up in her ear?” Yes, yes, all that and the pleasure of fucking someone famous then being discarded for the next groupie to come in. That’s it. You should be proud.

You do realize that telling any man you want the pleasure of fucking him is only going to serve to inflate his already over-puffed ego. And then they think they are Gods. And then they go out and do all sorts of illegal things and think it’s fine because they’re famous. Do you see where I’m going with this? I think groupies are actually what’s wrong with America. I take it back. Why do women do this? Anyone care to explain? I find it nauseating, disgusting, and absolutely unacceptable. If you have ever slept with anyone famous, you should be ashamed of yourself. You are truly a disgusting piece of dirt and deserve to be treated with the same amount of respect you give yourself. Which is none.

Have a lovely weekend everyone, and try not to fuck anyone famous.


At 3:19 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

Not all celebs are bad. I'd gladly fuck Edward Norton. On the other hand, I'd also gladly hang out with him because he seems like an intelligent person who you could actually have a great conversation with.

Otherwise - yes, I agree. I despise girls like that, especially the gold diggers. And I absolutely hate how they give other women a bad name. I don't really look down on strippers that much, because that's one of my sexual fantasies. Except I'd be disgusted by most of the guys who typically frequent strip bars. But if I could pick and choose people I actually like and do a show in front of them, that would be cool.

What about the hierarchy for women who rank above plain "normal"?

At 3:30 PM, Blogger Velvet said...

And you've only covered those identifiable and classified by a certain "profession" or inclination. There are millions of other shitty women, backstabbers, liars, thieves etc. who are out there too, and so one -of-a-kind crazy that you can't put a label on it.

I find some of them are actually bloggers. I have really run into my fair share of CRAZY as a blogger. Woah...

At 4:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Add a category about chicks who try and track your IP address because you called them fat and ugly on their blogs. These chicks generally lack a social life, are usually single moms and tend to be unattractive (even to other blogger geeks). These women also fail to realize that by posting personal information such as an IP address or e-mail address and telling people to spam there service providers with false claims they are opening themselves up to legal action.

But have a nice day Dade. I do give you props for keep people's information private.

This article was good and I enjoyed it. Like a fungus, you are growing on me DADE.

And yes, FSU sucks. What a waste of a season. He Jeff Bowden, THROW THE BALL DOWNFIELD.



At 4:12 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

Agreed - there are more shitty girls out there than what was mentioned. But WD said he's going from his own experiences - so I assume he hasn't been lucky enough to date thieves or too many one-of-a-kind crazy girls. Guess he got lucky with star fuckers though.

For some reason backstabbers, liars, thieves, and other crazy women don't bother me. Gold diggers are the worst. The other ones he listed don't bother me either - I don't think that what they do is great, but I'm not repulsed by it either. But with gold diggers, it's the lack of motivation that gets me. A girl like that has done absolutely nothing to get ahead in life. That's weak, and to me weakness is probably the least desirable quality in a person. They are achieving something passively by tolerating digusting men, but isn't it better to achieve something actively by being strong and accomplishing something? It's a horrible combination of laziness and willingness to lower yourself to the worst level and lose all your dignity. The fakeness of it all is also bad - you constantly act, pretend that you like the guy, that you find his boring bullshit exciting, that you admire his non-achievements, that you find him sexy. Seriously, hookers and strippers are better, because they have at least some power and control over their fate (not much though), whereas golddiggers surrender that control completely. And star fuckers are just dumb, pathetic girls, with no self esteem.

At 5:01 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

This reminds me of the the back stage pass they mentioned Def Leopard used to hand out to groupies. It had a eye, a bird (specifically a swallow) and a sailor (or commonly known as a seaman). I wonder what the percentage of dumb whores had no idea what it meant, when it was just a way to degrade the whores who got banged under the stage. I'd like to thank VH-1 for their quality programing and providing me with this information.

Oh, and imaginaryconversations. Ed Norton? Intelligent? Don't let his movie roles fool you. Remember he doesn't right those parts, he just acts them out. If you did, you'd be no better off.

At 5:03 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

write not right- damn that karma

At 6:53 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

He's not smart in all his roles. In The Rounders he's a small-time crook. In 25th Hour he's a drug dealer. In The Italian Job he's not pleasant either. In American History X... well, you got it. I was actually referring to him as a person. He majored in history in Yale. This is not bad - much better than most of Hollywood. He seems smart and educated when you listen to him talk. He did a huge rewrite of the script for Frida, so he can write and think. He supports very cool charities and has a pilot's license (yes, half of Hollywood does, but he doesn't bring it up every single time someone interviews him). He has a very very sexy voice. OK, I'll shut up now.

I think this is a tiny bit better than star fucking because I wouldn't jump him since he's a star. I'd jump him if he was walking on the street as a totally regular guy, because I just find him very sexy.

At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Johnson said...

Pretty good post WD. I have to agree that groupies/star fuckers are the lowest of the low. Actually, I think there's a group lower than that. Girls who fuck guys that are barely even mediocre celebrities. Due to her exploits with the UVa football team, I'd have to put good old Mud Puddle in that group.

You can add Fight Club to the list of Ed Norton in unsavory character roles. In any case, hope you're at The OB for the game today and that the weather is nicer there than it is here. Canes.

At 12:50 PM, Anonymous DF said...

Great post WD and the "ET" photo is brilliant! I did want to contribute a theory to your question as to why star fuckers exist. I think their existence is more startling than you could have ever imagined and perhaps fundamental to the development of modern society. While I think some of these women believe they can land the celebrity, and enjoy the propinquity to a persona perceived to be larger than life, it does not answer why they exist. Certainly, for some reason these women believe they too can be elevated in status by sheer proximity to a famous person and ironically debasing themselves, which is why I think you were right to place the star fuckers right after the gold-diggers. Cultural anthropology has stepped into the milieu to explain this “attraction”. Some research has tied the attraction to individuals with extraordinary talent or skill to the development of art and craftsmanship in ancient societies – I think it’s called the “Peacock Theory”. Apparently, primitive man figured out that if he developed a talent and stood out from the crowd he would get more ass and thus creating the preposterously dysfunctional society in which we live in today.

At 3:21 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

P.S.: kudos on putting Mel Gibson's picture in the star fucker section beside a sentence on overpuffed star egos. I hate that stupid, misogynistic, cocky hypocrite. It hell existed, it would be filled by clones of him and Tom Cruise running around and preaching their "faiths" to everyone.

At 8:26 PM, Anonymous melissa said...

Love the post...I think that gold diggers are worse than star fuckers, gold diggers are so deceptive and materialistic, they are looking for a free ride for life not just for the night or to brag to their friends.

So are you going to see that new movie "The Marine?"

At 4:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Horrible movie.


At 8:24 AM, Anonymous florida hater said...

Very enjoyable and insightful. One problem: there really aren't very many "normal" girls. They are all effing nuts, especially in Florida.

At 10:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i enjoyed this post a lot. i really have to agree with you on this list. i seriously despise band whores. going to shows for local and indie bands, i see a lot of that. it makes no sense to me. i, for one, would much rather be a friend to a band; someone they recognise and hang out with rather than someone they fuck and then forget about.

At 11:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're forgetting the girls who get drunk and then succumb to acting like all the categories mentioned on your blog. and i am one of them.

At 1:18 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

IC - I am not going to concern myself with hierarchis as that woudl be way too positive for what I do here.

Velvet - Yeah. But I mean if I wrote a post that covered all of that, I woudl have to start a whole new blog.

Anon1 - growing on you like a fungus. That is an outstanding metaphor.

IC - Yep. Lazy is exactly the word. And On Ed Norton, I think if you'd fuck the guy anyway, that is a little different. I'm sure Brad Pitt was not hurting for ass before Thelma and Louise.

Joe - Anyone who falls for that deserves whatever they get. Stupid, stupid girls.

Johnson - I was indeed at the game and enjoyem myself IMMENSELeLY. But yeah, college, and even worse, High School sports groupies are an even worse subset.

DF - Thank you for that insight. That is one thing I do love about comments is when I can learn something. So thanks. And I did not make the ET photo, sorry.

IC - I don't put those up there by mistake.

Melissa - Didn't even know about it. I'll have to check it out.

Anon1 - I will skip that

FH - No, there are normal girls here. SoCal is where finding anyone not fitting one of thes descriptions is downright impossible.

Characters - Pleas,e please explain to me what that name is. glad to see someone else is as disgusted as I am.

DMBMEG - Sorry to hear that. But alcohol is only a reason, not an excuse.


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