This May Be The Most Disgusting Post I've Ever Done
Another Disclaimer: This post will contain graphic sexual content. And by graphic, I mean not only explicit but also possibly nauseating and disturbing. And if you know me or have met me or even conversed with me via email and do not want to picture me engaging in graphic, disgusting sexual practices, stop reading now. I do not want any of you coming at me and saying “Dude, WD, I sooooo didn’t need to know that.” But if you are a sick, curious fuck, read ahead at your own risk. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I tend to read women’s magazines from time to time. And by “women’s magazines” I mean Cosmo. Call it research in the battle of the sexes, call it dumb curiosity, or call it an expression of my already overexpressed feminine side, but I find the shit entertaining. One staple of every issue of Cosmo is the mandated “Things Your Guy Wants You to Know About Sex But Is Afraid To Say” section. The title may take different forms, but they are more or less a collection of introspecitve intellecutal quotations like “I really love it when my girlfriend wears sexy underwear and does a little strip tease for me. It’s sooo HOT!” – Brad, 19. Occasionally they can take the form of polls that provide such Earth shattering revelations as “95% of men enjoy watching porn.” But there is one issue that keeps coming up in the pages of this esteemed publication that is doing a great disservice to men worldwide, and that is the subject of playing with the asshole.
Every goddam Cosmo article I read where guys talk about this it’s always Brad, 19, saying “It really freaks me out when a girl puts her finger back there. Please, ladies, never do it.” Or a poll that says “70% of men say you going backdoor makes them uncomfortable.” Ladies, don't listen to these guys. They have no fucking idea what they are talking about. I will tell you right now, Brad and the other 70% of respondents have never, EVER had it done to them by someone who knew what they were doing. Ever seen “Road Trip?” Yeah, it’s like that. We have this little thing called a prostate and if you manipulate it just right you can make us come without even touching the other side.
The first girl I ever got completely naked with (not had sex with, but got completely naked) licked my asshole for a good five minutes before going down on me. So, again, I was spoiled. You fail to realize that in addition to prostate stimulation, there is a very high concentration of nerve endings in that area as well, so a nice ass licking while your cock is being stroked is one of the most pleasurable experiences a guy can have. And don’t get me started on the blowjob with a finger up your ass. You haven’t come until you’ve blown your load in a girl’s mouth while she massages your prostate. I’ve had this pleasure a multitude of times and I can only say that it is as close to meeting Jesus as I will get while stil alive.
Any girl who will lick my ass when she goes down on me can basically get me to do whatever she wants anytime anywhere. That is not only sexually (I am always happy to reciprocate this favor, provided the girl keeps her ass clean) but pretty much in any aspect of life. I had one girl who used to ask if she could do it while I jerked off, and I’m still not sure why I didn’t marry her. For those who think it is “gross” or “nasty” or say “eeew, but SHIT comes out of there!” well, I really have no response for you. It’s kind of the dirtiness and nastiness that makes it so hot. That, and it feels you’re wiping your ass with a satin handkerchief dipped in warm baby oil. I have had many, many, many friends call me weird or a freak, or even gay for liking this, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM WHO EVER TRIED IT TOLD ME I WAS 100% RIGHT AND THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE TRIED IT SOONER. And you know who you are.
And for those neophytes who think this is somehow gay: The only way enjoying a little anal play is gay is if you enjoy getting it form a man. Period. Homosexuality, last I checked, is defined as sexual attraction to those of the same gender, not enjoying a finger up your ass while you get your dick sucked. So please save your “White Dade is a homo” bullshit for some time when I start talking about One Tree Hill or Kiehl’s products. As for this subject it is totally irrelevant. So, guys, do yourself a favor, put your insecurities aside and let a girl play with your ass. Unless Father O’Connell got to you as a little boy, you will more than likely find this to be an extremely pleasurable experience. Then you can stop telling Cosmo how much you hate it, and women will start to think it is something we like and aren’t freaked out by, and I can finally start having mind blowing orgasms again. And if you don’t like it, please don’t tell anyone. Because my guess is that you are in the large, large minority.