Friday, October 27, 2006

This May Be The Most Disgusting Post I've Ever Done

Another Disclaimer: This post will contain graphic sexual content. And by graphic, I mean not only explicit but also possibly nauseating and disturbing. And if you know me or have met me or even conversed with me via email and do not want to picture me engaging in graphic, disgusting sexual practices, stop reading now. I do not want any of you coming at me and saying “Dude, WD, I sooooo didn’t need to know that.” But if you are a sick, curious fuck, read ahead at your own risk. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I tend to read women’s magazines from time to time. And by “women’s magazines” I mean Cosmo. Call it research in the battle of the sexes, call it dumb curiosity, or call it an expression of my already overexpressed feminine side, but I find the shit entertaining. One staple of every issue of Cosmo is the mandated “Things Your Guy Wants You to Know About Sex But Is Afraid To Say” section. The title may take different forms, but they are more or less a collection of introspecitve intellecutal quotations like “I really love it when my girlfriend wears sexy underwear and does a little strip tease for me. It’s sooo HOT!” – Brad, 19. Occasionally they can take the form of polls that provide such Earth shattering revelations as “95% of men enjoy watching porn.” But there is one issue that keeps coming up in the pages of this esteemed publication that is doing a great disservice to men worldwide, and that is the subject of playing with the asshole.

Every goddam Cosmo article I read where guys talk about this it’s always Brad, 19, saying “It really freaks me out when a girl puts her finger back there. Please, ladies, never do it.” Or a poll that says “70% of men say you going backdoor makes them uncomfortable.” Ladies, don't listen to these guys. They have no fucking idea what they are talking about. I will tell you right now, Brad and the other 70% of respondents have never, EVER had it done to them by someone who knew what they were doing. Ever seen “Road Trip?” Yeah, it’s like that. We have this little thing called a prostate and if you manipulate it just right you can make us come without even touching the other side.

The first girl I ever got completely naked with (not had sex with, but got completely naked) licked my asshole for a good five minutes before going down on me. So, again, I was spoiled. You fail to realize that in addition to prostate stimulation, there is a very high concentration of nerve endings in that area as well, so a nice ass licking while your cock is being stroked is one of the most pleasurable experiences a guy can have. And don’t get me started on the blowjob with a finger up your ass. You haven’t come until you’ve blown your load in a girl’s mouth while she massages your prostate. I’ve had this pleasure a multitude of times and I can only say that it is as close to meeting Jesus as I will get while stil alive.

Any girl who will lick my ass when she goes down on me can basically get me to do whatever she wants anytime anywhere. That is not only sexually (I am always happy to reciprocate this favor, provided the girl keeps her ass clean) but pretty much in any aspect of life. I had one girl who used to ask if she could do it while I jerked off, and I’m still not sure why I didn’t marry her. For those who think it is “gross” or “nasty” or say “eeew, but SHIT comes out of there!” well, I really have no response for you. It’s kind of the dirtiness and nastiness that makes it so hot. That, and it feels you’re wiping your ass with a satin handkerchief dipped in warm baby oil. I have had many, many, many friends call me weird or a freak, or even gay for liking this, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM WHO EVER TRIED IT TOLD ME I WAS 100% RIGHT AND THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE TRIED IT SOONER. And you know who you are.

And for those neophytes who think this is somehow gay: The only way enjoying a little anal play is gay is if you enjoy getting it form a man. Period. Homosexuality, last I checked, is defined as sexual attraction to those of the same gender, not enjoying a finger up your ass while you get your dick sucked. So please save your “White Dade is a homo” bullshit for some time when I start talking about One Tree Hill or Kiehl’s products. As for this subject it is totally irrelevant. So, guys, do yourself a favor, put your insecurities aside and let a girl play with your ass. Unless Father O’Connell got to you as a little boy, you will more than likely find this to be an extremely pleasurable experience. Then you can stop telling Cosmo how much you hate it, and women will start to think it is something we like and aren’t freaked out by, and I can finally start having mind blowing orgasms again. And if you don’t like it, please don’t tell anyone. Because my guess is that you are in the large, large minority.

39 Comments:

At 4:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. that's really all I can say. Wow.

 
At 5:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok i'll be the first to say it... dade is a homo.

nah, jk, as long as its just her pinky.

 
At 5:02 PM, Blogger SuperBee said...

I would post something here...

But I have many straight friends who read your blog. And I try my hardest not to creep out my straight friends. It's tough being the token gay in a sea of heteros...

Sometimes I fail, and creep them out, but by and large, I try to keep the asstalk "JBUG" (just between us girls.)

Regardless, way to take one for the team and announce your passion for rimming, ass-eating, cleaning the kitchen, cornholing, and the rest of the euphemisms that exist for the act.

 
At 7:29 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

I'm impressed.

I totally get the finger up the ass. But rimming does nothing for me - I'm sure men and women have about the same number of nerve endings there, so physically the experience is not that different. Then again, it all depends on what turns you on - I can't help but feel that with you the psychological component is at least as important as the physical one.

I'm totally with you on the nasty & dirty sex - when you're really sexually aroused, you want to push your limits, and do something you wouldn't want to do when you're not horny. But when you really are, you want to be on that edge between pleasure and pain, and do something almost uncomfortable, and yeah... I'll shut up now.

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

Sorry, this topic is like a magnet for me. What about hair? I wouldn't mind rimming a guy (haven't tried it yet), but the hair would be a major turn-off. I wax absolutely everywhere, so I'm doing my part. But most guys don't wax butt hair :( I guess in general, body hair is a turn off for me. The less of it, the sexier.

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

LOL! The great Irish poet William Butler Yeats once wrote: "Love pitched its tent in the house of excrement."

 
At 9:00 PM, Anonymous David in DC said...

Right on Dade.

Girls, pay attention to Dade.

Ignore Brad, 19, in COSMO. Cumming while getting your prostate massaged is great.

Guys, keep yourelf clean. Like he said, if she'll do this regularly you should do ANYTHING for her. Not just anything sexual, but ANYTHING.

 
At 1:31 AM, Blogger emily said...

I agree with anonymous #1:
wow.
I feel like I just got schooled. Damn, the internet is edumacational!

 
At 10:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good things I was at home, as opposed to at work, when I read that wonderful entry.

Thanks for keeping me entertained!

Nope tips on keeping the crack hair free?

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Tara said...

I too have just been educated. That was interesting. I went to a "Pure Romance" party awhile back and the marketing rep was showing us different toys to use for that region.

 
At 10:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sandy the Lesbian agrees!!! right on WD! you rock!!!

 
At 11:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so does this apply to girls even though we don't have a prostate? cause you know...im just asking....for a friend...

 
At 2:02 PM, Anonymous Cliff said...

"it is as close to meeting Jesus as I will get while stil alive."

So it's as close as you will ever get to meeting Jesus...

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

dmbmeg, I'm guessing not to such a large degree, because of the lack of the prostate. We have the G-spot though!

I guess with girls it's more about what turns you on, and about being open-minded enough to give it a try to make an experimental observation and conclusion. It works for me, but that doesn't mean that it'll be one of your favourite sexual practices.

P.S. the title should read "One of my best posts", but that depends on who's reading.

 
At 3:20 AM, Blogger Dan-E said...

god bless women who like to toss salads. that's all i can say.

 
At 8:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had have to say your BEST post ever. First time I had my turd cutter licked was my a stripper and it was spectacular.

I don't thinl I could marry a girl who licks ass though; something about a guy taking a big dump and then having a girl lick that area.

I do read COSMO also Dade. It provides me with secret weapons for gender warfare. As far as licking a girl's ass goes, I am down with licking the a like AC is down with OJ! (ICE CUBE)

Respect.

ANON1

 
At 8:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also, IC, didn't you lick man ass to pay for your trip over here from Russia?

Damn, licking the butts of crusty sailors must have really sucked.

BOOYA!

ANON1

 
At 10:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol, white dade you are most definitely my hero.

i can say with utter certainty that i will never ever stick my tongue near a guy's asshole but a ton of kudos to you for continuing to do really controversial posts.

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

In medical school one of our professors told us that during an anal exam, we had to assure/warn our patients that getting an erection can be a normal reaction. So yes, being licked or probed down there can be stimulating.

 
At 12:11 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

ANON1, Russian sailors don't have such sophisticated tastes. It was mostly blowjobs and anal sex, with an occasional gangbang.

 
At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

WD, what is your stance on The Blumpkin?

 
At 1:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

IC,

You sound hot. I "imagine" a cross between Kate Beckinsale and Sophia Bush.

Please post a pic.

Love,

ANON1

 
At 3:37 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Anon - That's the same reaction I had the first time a girl blew me with her finger up my ass.

Anon2 - Just her pinky? are you nuts?

SBEE - Wait, you're a single gay lawyer? Do you also live with your neurotic Jewish female best friend and across the hall from a flamin Queen? Oh, tell me its so, tell me its so.

IC - I've met a lot of girls who like the finger in the ass, but most of them like the otngue too. And I nair my ass if I'm dating a girl who I knoew does that.

Manola - So you're cool with anal is what you're telling me?

David - Thank you for bieng the first straight male to back me up. And, yes, keep yourself EXTRMELY clean down there. That's the trade off.

Emily - Go home and apply this lesson. your boyfriend can thank me later.

Anon - Yeah. Nair. Wuick, painless and totally clean.

Tara - I have this image of you looking at anal beads and vibrators at this party and I"ll tell you it's a little surreal. Makes me laugh, but surreal.

Sandy - DIdn't we discuss this once at VERY high volumes at a Denny's?

DMBMEG - IC took the owrds out of my mouth. Try it and see if you like it first.

Cliff - Yes, well, seeing as how I'm oging straight to Hell, yes.

Dan-E - God bless them, every one.

Anon1 - I don't tihnk I could marry a girl who DIDN'T lick ass. But I guess you wouldn't want her kissing your kids with that mouth.

Characters - That's a shame. you and my girlfriend come form the same school and it makes me sad.

Angel - there you go, folks. Medical proof that playing with the asshole is a good thing. thank you Angel.

Johnson - i'd do it. Never have, but I think it would be pretty fun.

Anon1 - I've seen pictures. Good looking girl. Phenominal body, if you like the athletic look.

 
At 3:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dade,

I don't know...comes from Russia...athletic body...could be a Winstrol Winner waiting to pop that suprise.

I insist that IC post pics.

ANON1

 
At 3:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dade,

I don't know...comes from Russia...athletic body...could be a Winstrol Winner waiting to pop that suprise.

I insist that IC post pics.

ANON1

 
At 4:15 PM, Blogger SuperBee said...

WD - Ask Brewer. I'm surrounded by a gaggle of Neurotic Jewish Girls. There's Shari and Orly and Gabby and Dara and Mara and Ashley and Lauren, and Lauren, and Lauren, and Lauren, and Rachel and Jess and Jessica and Jessy and Lauren and Jessi and Sarah and Sara and Weitzman and Rachel and Rach and Rochel and Michelle and Becky and Becks and Rebecca. And Galit.

I live alone - I used to have a semi-JAP guy ex-roommate. But I'm over that. And my across-the-hall neighbor is crazy girl that smells like chicken soup.

And Amy and Susan and Farah and Darcy and Aly...

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

Nope, no pictures ever - I am completely anonymous here, so let's just drop this. If it makes you feel better think of me as smart and butt-ugly (I prefer this to dumb and hot). Oh, right, you prefer the opposite. Dumb and hot then.

Sorry. Topic. I am very open-minded when it comes to sex, but a blumpkin is one of the things where I draw the line, and do the stereotypically female thing of dumping the guy if he wants that. I'm not coming anywhere near shit.

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger Sister Mary Lisa said...

Tip to the squeamish girls here: you can always take a shower together, and soap him up really well, so you KNOW it's clean, and then try it...you never know, it just may be a gift to him that will give you unimaginable power. It could be worth a try.

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Jaime said...

I actually wrote a post inspired by this one, but I'm too chicken to put it up... thanks for filling me in on my sexual negligence. Now I've just got to grow some balls... er, courage.

 
At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great tip, Sister.

Also, if he is into you cleaning him that way, you know he'll be up for more ass play later.

And if he squirms away, then you know he's an idiot like Brad, 19, in COSMO

 
At 4:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey WD. Call me weakminded but the same day I read you post I tried the "anal pleasuring" on my bf, who by the way told me that it felt uncomfortable and that like didn't know what I was doing. Is there a wright or wrong way to do the "anal deed"?

 
At 10:55 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Last anon -

Glad to hear you took my advice. If I can help one woman out it makes all this worth it. that being said, perhaps you used too much teeth or thrusted your tongue a little too much. I've found a nice licking motion around the anus followed by a good lapping of the hole, then a little internal insertion, if you get the drift, works well. Tease it a little then go for it. Like you would giving a blowjob. I'm not the BESt person to ask about this. Maybe some of my ladies can help me out here...

 
At 12:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't you get the same without the mouth to anus and, say, a finger instead?

 
At 9:03 PM, Anonymous WD said...

Right on, White Dade. Those articles say the stupidest things sometimes. I've even read one in which a guy said blowjobs were overrated. Give me a break.

I'm a straight guy who loves having his asshole licked and fingered. I always have and always will. All my best lovers loved to play with my butt. My wife is really into doing it to me, and I would never have married her otherwise.

It feels awesome both physically and emotionally. The anus is a very sensitive spot, penetration is a delight like none other, and the prostate responds in an amazing way to stimulation. Everybody has an anus and there is no connection between sexual orientation and liking anal play. Lots of straight guys--more than admit it--really like it, or wish their girlfriends or wives would do it to them. If a woman is really attracted to a man, she'll bend him over and treat his ass like a pussy, with her mouth and hands. So go for it! Bend over, straight men of the world!

Here are a couple articles to read:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/pm_analplay.shtml
http://abbys-sexual-health.com/advice/anal_sex/milking_the_prostate.php

 
At 11:28 PM, Anonymous Smartino said...

I am not sure if a nuttitionist should be recommending eating ass....

8-)

 
At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

white dade, I am on the same page as you buddy, I love when a girl licks my ass. I am 29 and the 1st time I got my ass licked out was when I was 18, I fantasized about it ever since I was younger on all when I seen it as a little kid on my dads old retro 80s porn tapes I used to steal and i think I used to think how naughty it was. most girlfriends i've had have done it, and even 1 night i brought 2 chicks home from the bar and (who were ugly as hell and 1 fat, but I had beer goggles on hardcore) I got a rim job and my dick sucked at the same time. I think the best would be to get your ass licked while fucking another chick at the same time. I am kinda depressed now because I'm getting married soon and the chick I am with does'nt seem to wanna do it much anymore, I have to beg and she wont still do it. She was gonna offer to do it on my birthday recently as a surprise but I was still passed out from the night before and did'nt here her calling my cell. Man, this sucks

 
At 2:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lmao @ people calling this "really controversial".

And, that's it? I don't find this shocking or disgusting at all.

And I'd very much like to engage in some rimming (both giving and recieving), but that's not why it's not that big a deal. Don't know about the finger thing, but I certainly don't consider it morally reprehensible or extreme that some people would engage in such activities.

Seriously I was expecting something crazy, guess it just takes a lot to shock me.

People are easily impressed/shocked, I guess. Human beings make me LOL

 
At 6:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think a lot of men and women are embarrassed by the anus in general. that said, i have had several GFs who did this to me. although i don't enjoy it as much as i did initially, nothing makes you feel wanted quite like a girl's tongue in your ass.

 
At 5:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

White Dade your "The Man" we need more like you to get the word out!

Best F'in orgasm I ever had.

I think most of my exgirlfriends however were more araid of doing this then most guys are of receiving. I've only been lucky enough to have two girls try and only one with experience. So listen to Dade girls if you really want to surprise/please your man!

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home