White Boys are Not Ass Men
Nicole, a blogger more famous than I, did a post recently asking White men to start embracing the ass. Not literally, I suppose, as I think most of us gringos would gladly hug a girl’s ass if she were anything over a 4. No, Nicole was asking us to break out of our molds of loving skinny girls and start appreciating women with large derrieres. Nicole, for those who don't know her, is Black. And I think we all know what body part African-American women are famous for having a lot of. Fellow Roosevelt alum Sir Mix-A-Lot can explain it to you if you are confused.
I think Nicole is missing the point that people are naturally attracted to those who look like they do. So a black man is going to grow up loving the booty. I mean CRAVING the booty to a point where he will find largely overweight women attractive because of their behemoth backsides. So it would reason that a black female would be miffed by men not worshipping her shapely tush. Same goes for Latin guys. White boys? Not so much.
Miami is an ass town, for those who are unfamialiar. Due to our grossly oversized Hispanic population we are also subject to a disproportionate amount of grossly oversized asses. I believe the phenomenon is referred to as “Latin Booty.” As a result, most of the guys here I know are ass men. I have been in clubs with a group of Latin guys and a disgustingly ugly, fat girl will walk by. But instead of the usual chorus of disgusted moans and chants of "Belt!" I get when in a group of Anglos, all I hear from my Hispanic friends is “Whoa, look at that ass, Bro!” As they put their thumb and middle finger together and shake their hand at the ground. And I’ll be goddmaned if they do not all try and go after this largely unattractive but posterioirally blessed female, while a gorgeous, skinny white girl goes unnoticed. I am still convinced this is the ONLY reason I am able to get laid in Miami. There’s just not as much competition for the emaciated gringa set.
As I have mentioned a time or two, I am white, and I like white things. Especially young, skinny, blonde white things. Don’t get me wrong, if a girl has back it’s not a drawback so long as it is not sloppy. But most white guys I know couldn’t care less if a girl has curves or not. We like skinny, and that’s how it’s always going to be. This is why the media portrays beautiful women as rail-thin: It is, for the most part, run by white guys. If all of a sudden Maxim and Playboy and Vogue and every beer commercial on Earth were taken over by Hispanics, I guarantee women all over America would be eating rice and beans and sitting down as much as possible. But things being as they are, thin is in. Sorry.
So women of color with junk in the trunk, do not fret. Remember there are lots of men of color who ignore the skinny white girls you do so love to hate on because of their lack of ass. The unfortunate flip side is there are a lot of white boys out there who will not appreciate something you may consider a valuable asset. Your backside is, at best, irrelevant to most of us gringos. At worst, it is a major drawback. My advice to you is to be proud of what you got, target your most popular demographic, and shake what your mamama gave ya. Because even if you tip in at 2 bills, there are still a lot of Javi’s, Pedro’s and Juan’s who will think you are the hottest thing on Earth. Just not me.