Tuesday, October 17, 2006

White Boys are Not Ass Men

Nicole, a blogger more famous than I, did a post recently asking White men to start embracing the ass. Not literally, I suppose, as I think most of us gringos would gladly hug a girl’s ass if she were anything over a 4. No, Nicole was asking us to break out of our molds of loving skinny girls and start appreciating women with large derrieres. Nicole, for those who don't know her, is Black. And I think we all know what body part African-American women are famous for having a lot of. Fellow Roosevelt alum Sir Mix-A-Lot can explain it to you if you are confused.

I think Nicole is missing the point that people are naturally attracted to those who look like they do. So a black man is going to grow up loving the booty. I mean CRAVING the booty to a point where he will find largely overweight women attractive because of their behemoth backsides. So it would reason that a black female would be miffed by men not worshipping her shapely tush. Same goes for Latin guys. White boys? Not so much.

Miami is an ass town, for those who are unfamialiar. Due to our grossly oversized Hispanic population we are also subject to a disproportionate amount of grossly oversized asses. I believe the phenomenon is referred to as “Latin Booty.” As a result, most of the guys here I know are ass men. I have been in clubs with a group of Latin guys and a disgustingly ugly, fat girl will walk by. But instead of the usual chorus of disgusted moans and chants of "Belt!" I get when in a group of Anglos, all I hear from my Hispanic friends is “Whoa, look at that ass, Bro!” As they put their thumb and middle finger together and shake their hand at the ground. And I’ll be goddmaned if they do not all try and go after this largely unattractive but posterioirally blessed female, while a gorgeous, skinny white girl goes unnoticed. I am still convinced this is the ONLY reason I am able to get laid in Miami. There’s just not as much competition for the emaciated gringa set.

As I have mentioned a time or two, I am white, and I like white things. Especially young, skinny, blonde white things. Don’t get me wrong, if a girl has back it’s not a drawback so long as it is not sloppy. But most white guys I know couldn’t care less if a girl has curves or not. We like skinny, and that’s how it’s always going to be. This is why the media portrays beautiful women as rail-thin: It is, for the most part, run by white guys. If all of a sudden Maxim and Playboy and Vogue and every beer commercial on Earth were taken over by Hispanics, I guarantee women all over America would be eating rice and beans and sitting down as much as possible. But things being as they are, thin is in. Sorry.

So women of color with junk in the trunk, do not fret. Remember there are lots of men of color who ignore the skinny white girls you do so love to hate on because of their lack of ass. The unfortunate flip side is there are a lot of white boys out there who will not appreciate something you may consider a valuable asset. Your backside is, at best, irrelevant to most of us gringos. At worst, it is a major drawback. My advice to you is to be proud of what you got, target your most popular demographic, and shake what your mamama gave ya. Because even if you tip in at 2 bills, there are still a lot of Javi’s, Pedro’s and Juan’s who will think you are the hottest thing on Earth. Just not me.


At 4:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Question for you. From a looks standpoint alone, would you do Jennifer Lopez?


At 5:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can answer for you. It is hell no!

At 5:30 PM, Blogger threetoedsloth said...

As accurate as a lot of your posts are, I gotta say that your theory of people being naturally attracted to those who look like themselves sounds a little fishy. I can't speak for the whole world, of course, but the fact is that I am a red-haired, blue-eyed, freckled, white girl, and I am not attracted to men who look even remotely like me. All I like are skinny Asian boys. And most of my female friends seem to go for guys who are their physical opposites. Just sayin'.

At 5:45 PM, Blogger alizinha said...

i'm going to have to agree with threetoedsloth on this one, as i am almost never attracted to guys who "look like me".

At 5:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, he would do J-lo.

What does "BELT" mean!?!?

And hey, maybe you will fall in love with a woman with a big tush one day. Don't be so picky.

At 6:00 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

I am though.

I disagree with this:

"But most white guys I know couldn’t care less if a girl has curves or not. We like skinny, and that’s how it’s always going to be."

Most white guys I know care about curves, in particular about boobs. I know this post is mostly about ass, but you should say so then. If you put 99% of guys I know in front of two girls: one skinny, and in perfect shape otherwise, and another one chubby but with big boobs, the'll go for the one with boobs.

At 6:52 PM, Anonymous pravda said...

I don't think you can speak for all white boys. I've been with a Russian Jew for over 2 years and I'm a woman of color. Yea, it was hard initially - his parents and friends didn't accept it at first. But now, his family loves me, some of his friends have started dating "other" girls and most wish they hadn't been so close-minded in the beginning.

I've been told that they don't date woman of color, not because they aren't attracted to them, but because of the prejudices that still exist. I'm glad my jew-boy looked past it. I think some men are just smarter and have independent minds which allows them not to sign on to the "ideal beauty" that the media pushes on most men.

At 7:02 PM, Anonymous cedar said...

It's cool that you only like skinny white girls--personal taste is just that--personal. But I think your theory is somewhat limited. First of all, there is a tremendous amount of evidence that humans are physically pre-disposed to go after people who's genetic make-up does not mirror their own. If a person's pheremone's too closely match those of one's own genetric "tribe" evolutionary diversification kicks in and a chemical attraction will not occur. So maybe your particular lineage is fairly far removed from the blue-eyed blonde set, i.e. all "whities" are not the same.
And on the wholly non-scientific front, I've known plenty of white guys who just like the skinny set, but I've also known a lot who like a lot of booty and boobs. Likewise, I've know black guys who prefer skinny white girls with minimal booty.

At 7:11 PM, Blogger Monday said...

I'd be interested in reading that evidence -- showing that we don't go for people who look like us. You can interpret that on so many levels.

For this skinny white chick, I don't necessarily need to have a dark-haired guy, but I do like a guy to be fit and active. That makes more of a statement about lifestyle choices than genetics.

At 8:18 PM, Blogger minijonb said...

The Sir Mix-A-Lot tune is an all-time classic, but I've got personal confusion on the issue. I am an ass man and and a breast man... and a waist man and a leg man and an eyes man and a grey matter between the ears man too. I'm not going to let the size of someone's backside be the sole determining factor of if they turn me on or not.

... (are ya done reading my PC answer to impress the ladies? good. now bring me a woman who's shaped like a Barbie doll. and a beer. and a bucket of KFC. thanks)


At 10:25 PM, Blogger The Lone Gringa said...

so tired of seeing the multitudes of "shelf ass", parading around the grove on a friday night, stuffed into some hanky-sized skirt/headband. shudder.

At 10:29 PM, Blogger Yvette said...

Rather than comment on this post itself, or on the state of rear ends in the world today, I feel compelled to confess that I took a look at Nicole's "White Tail" post and -- in spite of never seeing the picture before -- immediately recognized the middle bottom as that belonging to Jennifer Lopez.

I am deeply, deeply disturbed to be able to identify J-Lo's ass in a lineup. How did this happen to me?

At 11:16 PM, Anonymous rumandpopcorn said...

What timing. I was actually talking with a friend about this. he's a ass man (of Asian descent, incidentally, since race is part of this discussion). I told him I was a breast man, and then I talked about how breast men are probably seen as a lot more "shallow". Even though it's all unfair, narrow-minded sexual objectification, being a breast guy somehow means that you're a shallow guy waiting for an unrealistic media-driven ideal. But ass men are somehow venerated as salt-of-the-earth types who desire "real" women.

I guess the racial implications have something to do with that, as your post and Nicole's post point out. But I've always found that interesting. After all "Baby Got Back" is a classic, and "Put "em on the Glass" is a little known strip-club novelty.

As for desiring people who look like themselves, I've always belived people fall back on people who either remind them of their parents or their initial sexual experiences. Many people then choose to expand their selections or then limit them. If you want to sleep wth a lot of peope, expansion is the way to go. But it's not for everyone.

At 6:32 AM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

rumandpopcorn, I agree that this is not exactly right. But there are differences. One big one is that you can get breast implants. You can get ass implants, too, but only in the last few years, and they aren't nearly as widespread as breast implants. So maybe ass-men are viewed as more "real" because breasts are now viewed as more as a cosmetic choice (i.e. you can easily fix them) than as an unchangeable body type.

Also, you can build a bigger ass if you target glutes at the gym. Of course, none of the girls really do that or care. But still, you can!

I also think that race is the biggest part in "real women" vs "unrealistic media-driven ideal". Give it a few decades.

At 10:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dade, I have no idea where you get this "people like people who look like themselves" thing you keep repeating. Just because you feel like that doesn't mean you have to extrapolate it to everyone else to justify it. I think attraction is more complicated than that. I've known plenty of white chicks who date anyone but white guys, I've met white guys who only like the brown sugar or have asian attraction, I'm not attracted to black girls any more than I am to any other race of girls (I honestly have no racial preference in dating). Physical attraction is way too complex a mix of different factors to be summed up so simply.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger MonkeyPants said...

I like dark-haired (and generally dark-eyed) types pretty much consistently. I can count the blondes I've dated on 2 fingers. I looked at pictures of my college bf of 2 years, my boyfriend (BB) of 7 years, the guy I dated just after BB, and SB -- they all look the same. And as I am dark-haired I think you might be on to something.

And also, I have an ass. Even my mother said to me once, "Where did that come from?" I have only recently come to terms that maybe that's not such a bad thing. I'm a skinny white girl who has heard, "Baby got back" all her life but took that as a bad thing. Now, I'm okay with it.

At 11:46 AM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...


Here's a link from bbc (I'd say this is a fairly reliable source):

Here's a fairly unknown article, but it cites good references:

If you paid me, I'd find more studies to prove that people tend to be attracted to people who look like themselves, but I'm too lazy to do it just to prove my point. The fact that you know people who gravitate towards people who are visually very different from themselves doesn't prove anything. I know such people, too.

At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Joe said...

Oh yes, the asian persuasion. I don't think I can count on one hand the number of friends that hooked up or intend to marry asian girls.

At 12:41 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Anon1 - Would I do her? Of course. Do I tinhk she's all that hot? no. But my standards are low.

Anon - you wouldn't? guess you're not the raging slut that I am.

3TS - Girls are not oging to go for guys who look like girls, obviously. I mean in the genetics department; Tall likes tall. Short likes short(er). And so forth. And have you met my friend Jason? He's in the pictures from the Strip and Slide party in January.

Allison - Yes, but you really are a Hispanic anyway, right?

Anon - Yep. The girl I'm dating now actualyl has a good sized ass, but in a good way. Like I said, not a drawback, but not an asset either. And "belt" means that the girl would be a belt winner ,as in the belt my friends and I award to the guy who has banged the fattest chick.

IC - 99% that's a little high. More like 80 or so. you overestimate the male infatuaiton with breasts. I nthe long run, a skinny in shape girl is better as it is a lot easier to get implants than to lose weight.

Pravda - It's not "the media" putting it on white boys, its that the media is run by white boys and that's how we think. It's not closed mindedness at all, it's perosnal preference. And russian Jews are different than American Jews.

Cedar - I have met white guys who like ass, but a brother hwo likes Skinny white girls? Usually the same type that wear Pearl Jam T-Shirts and watch large amounts of pro wrestling. And, yes, I am generalizing.

Monday - Fit and attractive are not the point of this particualr diatribe, though. there are out of shape skinny girls.

Mini - THANK YOU! Thank you for being honest that white boys like Barbie dolls. I tinhk you are the non-anon of that demographic to comment. And you backed me up. Big ups to you, my friend.

LG - Uuuugh. Yes, wuite disgusting. Go on a Thursday when the UM girls are out. Very different sight.

Yvette - That is truly, truly sad.

RP - That ass/breast man thing is something I never thought of before. Excellent idea. Post topic, perhaps? And I have heard "Put em on the glass." One of my faves. Alsp an interesitng theory in your last statement. you win comment of the day.

IC - If you target glutes you can make your ass hard, but not get that fat, I'd Love To Slap that WhileI'm Hitting It Form Behind ass that a lot of guys seem to like.

T - What I do here is generalize. A lot. there are alwys exceptions to anything I say, but I tinhk for the most part, as far as most people go, they like people who look like they do. Why blacks tend to marry blacks, Latins marry Laitns, and so forth. It is not racial segregation I think so much as being attracted to what you are genetically predisposed to be attracted to. Of course there are exceoptions, but in case you missed it vast, broad generalizing is pretty much what I do here. Otherwise these posts would e even longer than they already are.

MPants - Didn't notice that when I met you. I'll have to check it out next time.

IC - Thanks for the backup.

Joe - It was dating an Asian girl for a year that made me realize I only am attracted to Whites. I have no desire to ever do it again. But maybe that had more to do with the garlic shrimp.

At 1:40 PM, Blogger Jader said...

I've never thought about it until now, but my boyfriend and have have very similar asses. And we're both ass people.

At 2:11 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

I'm a little on the tail-end of this discussion, but WD, a) people dating their similars, not necessarily b) Latin American men having an UNHEALTHY obsession with ass, 99.95% on the dot, amigo. They like ass so much, as a woman, you might as well not have a face or a brain.

At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I stand strong with you on this one. If a girl's ass is bigger then yours there is a major problem. And I would never pick a cubby girl with boobs over a skinny girl with mosquito bites. SO there goes that theory. This is the USA not CANADA. We have standards here.


At 2:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And Jader, are you serious about your current man?

If not, give me a call.

Jader's pic is the type of girl I go for. Skinny with long hair and a very pretty face. I like it a lot.

At 12:03 AM, Blogger minijonb said...

dade: no problem... and i like the "non-anon" tag. i'll have to run with that.

At 12:38 PM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

I agree, I like the skinny. I don't like tush at all.

At 1:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

actually, that element of the media that promotes beauty standards is its that the media is run by GAY white boys and that's how THEY think. A round ass is womanly, which they DON'T like. A skinny ass is pre-pubescent boyish, which they DO like. This post makes perfect sense, White Dade being the closeted angry fag that he is.

At 2:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I doubt White Dade is a fag but thank you for commenting. So, according to your theory, guys who have skinny girlfriends or wives are gay?

That makes no sense.

At 3:56 PM, Anonymous florida hater said...

Of course one ginger isn't gonna go for another ginger, threetoe, otherwise you're kids will be forever doomed. Don't you watch South Park?

At 8:22 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

I have a simplistic answer to the asian persuasion. Asian girls are still skinny, while everyone else has grown fat. They'll catch up, too, at least the ones born in North America, but they're not there yet.

At 9:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stupid theory about Asians. It would take another 1,000 years for that to happen.

I have a theory about Canadians. They are all stupid, lazy and obnoxious.

At 10:18 PM, Anonymous nicole said...

First off, sorry it took me SO long to read this. This week has been absolutely insane!

Second, hee, it's funny that you thought I was concerned with getting white guys to appreciate my ass. FAR from it as I could really care less. It actually works well as a weed-out device: if you don't appreciate it then you're not privileged enough to get near it.

My main concern was defending my WHITE, FEMALE FRIENDS for whom having an ass has been nothing but a curse. There's no reason why every white girl I know who has an ass (one that a lot of backless white women would pay thousands to have replicated by a competent plastic surgeon) should resent an endowmnet that so many men out there actually adore.

Last, but not least, there are a HEAP of white dudes that love them some booty. It actually surprised me to see that there was so much support for the derriere. I have to say they made me proud.

ps -- thanks much for the rebuttal post. I love getting shout-outs over here even if you don't love my ass. ;)

At 4:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am white and I like girls with big asses ....but I'm definitely not that into black chicks. I'd go for white or latin chicks though with a big ass. Soo yeah if you are a white female who thinks ohh noo I've got a big ass what am I ganna do now only black guys are ganna want me bla bla bla. You aren't that limited.

At 2:39 AM, Blogger raun said...

hi, thanks for the article, but i think you are using HORRIBLE examples of asses in the post. I think you mixing up the idea of having a round and proportionate bottom and being fat. Also, I am confused that you can make a generalization that black and Latino men are so "blinded" by ass that they are willing to take a fat girl with an ass just because she has an ass. BOLLOCKS!

I think your world perspective is highly limited. Lets do some math ok?

The current US population is 301,139,947. right?
whites are 74.7% or about 215.3 million. blacks are 12.1% or 35.0 million.(which makes me wonder why in the hell would you even CARE about what blacks are thinking about).

now, Roughly 31% of American adults meet the criterion for obesity - about 59 million American adults. Currently in the united states, 69.6% of african americans have a BMI of 25%(fat) white americans have a BMI of 62.3%.

HOWEVER with the case of a BMI of 30% or more blacks have 39.9 percent while whites hae 28.8 percent.

so its close with 25% but with higher weights the distance is further but slightly. So to suggest or insinuate that american white women are more prone to being thin and fit is well, sort of BS.

I think you should rethink your whole argument and stop being self centric, you are taking what you know to be truth(which is true, but only to you) and applying it the rest of the world. You are trying to function as an idealogue with only a paltry grasp of what you talk about.

questions? raun.harris@gmail.com

At 6:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must say that it is still a woman's eyes, facial features, and intelligence that are most important to me. I am not saying this to be politically correct. There is this one girl who is a stick figure, has no ass (c'mon even white guys like a little bit of firm meat on the back), and wears guys tees on top. But she has a gorgeous face, a thin figure, soft sweet-tasting pale skin, got a 1450 on her SAT (old scoring system), and has deep striking bright blue eyes. And I am absolutely crazy about her, attracted to her to the point that I almost faint looking at her. In bed it has never mattered that she has no T&A to grab onto. Even though she is not my girlfriend per se, the other things are important. I think most healthy guys look for the whole package.

We can all be ass men by the way. I am an ass man, I ran cross country and track. I like them firm, proportioned, and with a perfect arc. But not all ass men want dumps like a truck. Sometimes less is more. I am Indian and our tastes in women are very similar to those of white guys (with a little more emphasis on the brain). I am crazy about asses. But I just prefer the Kylie Minogue type over the Keyra Augustina type.

As for breasts it depends. Not all guys like the Barbie figure. I find fake, perfectly circular d-cup pieces of silicon to be disgusting. Natural d-cups can look very sexy when a woman is wearing a turtleneck cashmere sweater. C's can look hot in a two-piece at the beach. And some nice perky B's can be perfect when naked in the bedroom.

A lot of white boys are ass men, in fact most that I know are. They just don't like big fat ones. Some girls can pull off the hour glass figure (like this one in my stats class;-)) and some just can't.

Oh and BTW we always talk about black girls, white girls, asian girls, and hispanic girls. We forget another very important demographic, Middle Eastern. I feel fortunate to have dicovered a seemingly well kept secret that the hottest women on the planet come from Morocco, Tunisia, Lebanon, and Iran.

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