Tuesday, November 14, 2006

DC Diary Part 1 - Bad Beginnings, Awesome End

You know the weekend is off to a bad start when the only car they’ll rent you is a minivan. With New Jersey plates. I’m not sure what about me just screamed “Castrated Jewish Husband” to the guys at the Thrifty Counter, but as I drove off the lot I had horrific flash forwards of myself driving through Livingston with two kids in the back on the cell phone with my bitch wife saying “Make sure you have the kids back by 7. We’re going to my mother’s for dinner and I am NOT being late again because you don’t know how to drive!” Which reminds me, I really need to make that appointment for my vasectomy.

Emasculating vehicle and all, I managed to make it to lunch with Ashburnite at a Chipotle near the airport. It is a sad, sad fact that whenever I am in a city that has one of these establishments, it is the first place I insist on going. I remember Heather saying to me once “How the fuck do you come to New York and have the balls to ask me where the fucking Chipotle is! What the fuck is wrong with you?” At any rate, not only was Ash nice enough to hook me up with a cheap hotel room at a very nice hotel, she also paid for my lunch. And I have nothing but goos things to say about peopel who pay for my lunch, especially at Chipotle.

I met up with Virgile Kent at a mall in suburban Virginia. Aside form being the first blogger I’d met with bigger arms than me, he is also one of the few people I know who drives more aggressively. How do I know this? Within five minutes of following him in my henpecked-husband-mobile, he runs a yellow. So, forgetting that I was in fact no longer in a city that applies Dominican Driving laws to its everyday commute, I followed him through. Apparently cops in Fairfax County? Not so willing to let four people go through a red like Miami-Dade’s finest. VK had to pull over into a lot where I was promptly given a citation for running a red (a concept wholly unfamiliar to anyone form Dade County) as the cop told me “Usually we let things like this slide. But not today.” Thanks, asshole. NO, usually you let things slide but you saw some asshole you thought was form New Jersey going through a light in your glorious southern state and decided to teach him a lesson. That’s what happened. Threw you for a loop with that Florida Driver’s license, didn’t I. Until he saw it was form Miami. I'm surprised he didn't pull me out and seach the car for cocaine and automatic weapons.

VK took me to a hipster bar called Science Club where we discussed some of the finer arts of blogging and more of the finer arts of capitalizing on your blog’s success, if you know what I mean. Then it was on to the fabled DC Bloggers Happy Hour. This event was a different experience than anything I had ever seen. First of all, I had no idea who anyone there was aside from my host and Ashburnite. Second, within two minutes of having my first drink, I was approached by two attractive young ladies asking me if I was White Dade. These girls were not bloggers, but rather fans who had come out to meet me. Wow. Again, if you’d have told me a year ago that would have happened I would have probably laughed and said “Yeah, right after I have dinner with the Easter Bunny and drinks with Elvis.” But sure enough, several other people, both male and female, came up to me and told me how much they liked my work. I got to meet David in DC, and I think I went on a brief tirade about the war and how everyone has it wrong, but I forget. I’m sure that’s exactly what he wanted to talk about anyway. I was also introduced to fellow UM alum Velvet, who left me the unforgettable comment yesterday " Nice to meet you. Please feel free to bring your hotness back to D.C. anytime you want. I almost slipped on the ladies drool on my way out the door Friday night. Um, at least I think it was drool..." Why am I still living down here?

A friend of mine from UM met up with me at the Happy Hour and was amazed at how many people knew who I was through this blog. “Why the fuck are you famous?” He asked me. “Because I’m fucking good” I told him as I took a shot of whatever shots VK had decided to pass around. It was about the fifth time he'd done this and it was only about 11. The night continued on at 12:23 as VK (best DC host EVER) got us on the list. Can’t say I remember much of the night after this.


At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like all went went. You should have visited the White House and punched Cindy Sheehan in her big nose.


At 12:43 PM, Blogger copyranter said...

the photos part of this particular photo essay are excellent.

At 1:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get over yourself White Dade. You aren't even that good looking in person. Seriously....

At 2:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes he is.

And I'm not even gay.

[Insert Seinfeld quote here.]

At 3:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someone told me White Dade is a cross between Brad Pitt, Bernie Mac, Steve Martin and Cher.Now that is a sexy mofo.


At 3:47 PM, Blogger KassyK said...

Sad I didn't get to meet the famous White Dade...but then again you didn't get to meet the famous KassyK so we're tied arent we. :-)

PS--Don't talk shit about CP or I'll cut you. Seriously.

At 5:07 PM, Anonymous Rachel said...

I would have paid $$ to see White Dade tooling around in today's version of the grocery getter.

At 5:55 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

Its not the first time Dade has rolled around in a mini van. I still miss the foot shaped gas pedal.

Brad Pitt, Bernie Mac, Steve Martin and Cher? Maybe Cher's Nose, Brad Pitts ankles, Bernie Macs basket and Steve Martins, ears. Oh, he would also have Cher's toe and finger nails.

On a serious note, kinda. Dade, you haven't gotten this much love since you sold Snapple out of your locker. I'm guessing you got the bar going in a rousing rendition of Borats "Throw the Jew Down the Well."

At 7:21 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

it was great finally meeting you in person! and you were totally pimping in the Town & Country. Velvet was right- there were lots of ladies drooling over you.

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Virgle Kent said...

You know how we do, a bond was created, good times were had. For some reason I don't think this will be the end of it. Next time let's see if we can top it. Till then..... as many Romans as you can


At 8:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


whaaaat? i can't believe you totally forgot i have a blog.

that hurts. it really does. : (

silly leo. we weren't just there to meet you.


At 10:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't forget about "riding on the metroooooooooo" it was nice to meet you.

At 11:09 PM, Blogger aikin said...

Getting girls is the reason I became a blogger.

At 11:48 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

ANON1 - Yeah, I'd still be there.

CR - thanks for noticing that. I feel that is the most underappreciated part of this blog.

Anon - I agree. Unfortunatly, not everyone else does.

David - thank you.

Anon1 - Cher? Awesome,. I would KILL for that hair.

KassyK - Everoyne who lives there says the same exact thing.

Rachel - really? Okay, I'll let oyuk now next time Thirfiy fucks me over.

Joe - Remembmer what happened to that van? Yeah.

Ash - Thanks. It was great meeting you too.

VK - True. you all gotta make it down here. We close past 3.

Gen - Such vitriol. I am hurt. And here I thought you were a fan.

VPOD - I love that song!

Aikain - Yeah. who would have thought?

At 10:34 AM, Blogger Jada said...

Chipotle puts crack in their rice. I have no proof of this, but I'm working on it. I wanted to hate Chipotle but I fucking love it. I almost cried yesterday when a guy brought in a bunch of Chipotle at work and didn't have a burrito for me because I wasn't supposed to be in the office that day. Seriously, I can't explain why it's so good beyond the crack rice hypothesis.

At 3:56 PM, Blogger KassyK said...

HAHAHA well it was 7 years ago but the campus is one of the most gorgeous I've ever seen and I've seen all the major ones. When I was there back in 1923 it was a party campus--things have changed.

The town itself is yes, a piece of garbage.

At 11:28 AM, Blogger Shawn said...

FYI - Chipotle has begun coming up around South Florida - and a few have already opened in N. Broward and WPB area.

But in more important news - I saw a sign on Biscayne Blvd right below NE 151st St that said Chipotle was coming soon. (It is just a few blocks south of the FIU North Campus, near a new giant wine center)


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