Friday, November 10, 2006

F You And Your Blog

Anonymous commenters are nothing new to bloggers. Most are spiteful, some are scorned, but nearly all share the same characteristic: They flat out don’t like you. A few months back I did a fake interview (I know this must be crushing to you to realize that encounter was fabricated) with anonymous as to his motivations for being such a dick. But that was purely made up and so the real mystery as to why someone would spend all day insulting a blogger still remained. Well, lo and behold, one of my more virulent critics, in real life, actually offered to give my readers a little insight into the mind of a bitter, angry anonymous commenter. A lot of you hate him, almost none of you like him, but the man who calls himself ANON1 has been pretty steady ripping on me and my readers ever since the Jenn Srterger fiasco back in March. I don’t know this guy, I’ve never met him. I have never talked to him and he only communicates to me thorough an email address that looks to be from a nefarious fictional character. So the mystery remains. But for those curious as to why Anonymous chooses to spend so much time arguing with you, or with me, perhaps this can shed some light on his motivations…..

When I look at America, I see a lot of problems. Too many people driving with cell phones, too many people coming out of the closet and yes, too many people with blogs. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that people shouldn’t be allowed to have a blog but I am saying that 99.9 % of the people out there don’t really need one. With that said let me explain my thoughts behind the above statement.

True or False? Most people lead boring lives….True. So why the hell do they feel the need to post about them. Like anyone cares what you dressed up as for Halloween. What the fuck? Note to the world…If you dress up for Halloween, are over the age of 15 and are not related to me by blood I could care less. If fact, if you are over the age of 15 and still dress up for Halloween you should be beaten with Paul McCartney’s ex-wife’s wooden leg. But it’s not just the holiday posts; it’s the everyday posts and the commenting on comments. See example below…

“Blah, blah, blah…so today I decided to organize my McDonald’s fries into a peace symbol. This brought me to the realization that the war in Iraq is wrong and I hate President Bush. I spilled ketchup on the fries to symbolize the blood being spilt in Iraq…blah, blah, blah, blah…I am still rambling….blah, blah, blah…”

Now that is what an average blogger’s post looks like. Not the context, but the stupidity and lack of thought that goes into it. Let’s now examine typical comments.

ASSHOLE ONE SAID:

“Wow, what a great post. I too did that with my fries except I used pepper to symbolize the gun shot wounds. You are such a great person and Bush is not.”

MOM SAYS:

“Very good post my little baby. We are having meatloaf tonight so get home early. Make sure you fill dad’s car with gas also.”

THATGUY SAYS:

“Yeah, like way cool post. I wish we could all just sit around, smoke bowls and sing songs all day. This war is like totally not cool…”

Now the comments are bad, but most people take it one step further by responding to each and every comment:

MORONBLOGGER SAYS:

ASSHOLE ONE ~ You are too kind. Thank you for the words of support. With the help of you, me, Grandpa Steve, that bum on the corner, Oprah and Santa Claus we can defeat the evil Republican army.

MOM ~ Sounds good. Did you wash my underwear?

THATGUY ~ Wish I could but this damn kid I had won’t play by himself. Maybe you can come over after he is asleep.

My point is this people. No one gives a shit about your boring life. 90% of you are not funny, 95% of you are not attractive and 99.9% of you should not have blogs. Imagine if people spent less time on their blogs? There would be less people worrying about bills and more people getting laid.

Oh well, it could be worse. I could be a single mom stuck in Western Michigan. I’m ANON1 and you’ve just been P3WNED.

69 Comments:

At 7:42 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

ANON1, you have a weird view on blogs. I agree that most of them are boring. But you view it as if those are all books getting published with the authors being paid a lot of money. They're like diaries, except online and publically available. You ranting about them is like ranting about people you despise having conversations between themselves where they praise each other. Why do you care?

If anything, you should be pissed off that people like that vote and then the country is governed by assholes you can't stand. But for now your assholes are still in power.

Another observation about politics. NY and Cali are blue states. Kentucky, etc. are red. So basically it's the people you can't stand (the undereducated, lazy, stupid) who go and vote for Republicans. The educated, smart people who make it to the top vote for the Democrats. Yes, of course, there are idiots with money who don't, like Patricia Heaton from Everybody Loves Raymond, but she is not educated and stupid. The people who you see yourself as one of overwhelmingly vote for Democrats.

 
At 8:17 PM, Blogger Johnny said...

Imaginary conversations - Thank you for your lesson on American politics. I never realized that every Republican was stupid and every Democrat was smart. People in Kentucky are way too stupid to see the genius that is the Democrat party. I mean, the Democrats must be better, because Jon Stewart and Dave Letterman say so.

I'm not really a partisan, but the Democrats are basically only about gays, feminists, blacks, and some unions. That's their base, and if you're not in that crowd, they do nothing for you. Republicans got their butts kicked on Tuesday because they let power get to them. Hopefully they learn their lesson by 2008.

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger minijonb said...

...Dade, you can come out of the closet now: You're really ANON1, aren't you?

 
At 9:46 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

"the Democrats are basically only about gays, feminists, blacks, and some unions"

Well, that's why I like them. I don't care about unions. But the gay and feminist issues are important to me. I can't really comment on the black people issue cause I don't know enough about it, living in places where there wasn't much discrimination.

But I'd never vote for a party with "traditional" views on gay issues. It's that important to me.

Unfortunately there is no party that shares my views. I mean, there is (the best approximation is libertarianism), but it's not nearly as popular as GOP and the Dems.

But in absense of a popular party with my views, the Democrats are the best approximation.

And not every Republican is stupid and ever Democrat smart. 90% of the population is stupid, so there's plenty to go around. But out of all the smart people I've known in my lifetime, all voted for Democrats.

 
At 11:34 PM, Blogger aikin said...

I guess that what I don't get is why someone who seems so angry about a blog would continue to read the blog. Doesn't that seem to validate whatever the blogger writes, whether it's about french fries, idiots on cellphones, or what the blogger is buying his or her grandmother for her birthday?
There's no such thing as bad publicity, right?

 
At 12:41 AM, Blogger Rachel said...

First off Anon1 ~ Nothing that you said was any more original than they other stale sewage you spew every day.

Next time when you build it up to titanic proportions in your own mind you might want to deliver more than a crust of moldy bread.
I almost fell asleep.

Second ~ What the hell is P3WNED? When did pseudo text message lingo become de rigeur in the blogosphere?

Third ~ There are not many worse fates than being stuck in West Michigan. I am surrounded by republicans... AAAGGGHHHH!!!!

Stealing my tag line was just pure laziness on your part.

 
At 12:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here comes my blogger comments:

IC ~ Once again you come out with some really idiotic comments. Republicans are for big business; the big guys at the top vote Republican except trial lawyers.

Johnny ~ Good point. Nicely done.

Mini ~ Put the fucking lotion in the basket bitch.

IC 2 ~ Keep those great comments coming. Thank God you live in Canada.

Aikin ~ Next time, take a pic of you pointing that gun at your head. Have a friend take a pic after you kill yourself.

Rachel ~ You are just angry that my first real post will get more comments then your whole blog combined. Go out and exercise or do something to make yourself attractive.

 
At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also, White Dade, you may want to edit comments like Rachel and Playtah do since this is YOUR blog.

Take out all of the comments about me that aren't good.

Not.

ANON1

 
At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last comments for the weekend:

IC ~ Now I know why you hate men so much. You are a dyke. Gay issues are only important to gay people.

Rachel ~ My posts are boring. Are you kidding me? You post about what you dressed up for on Halloween, how a fat nasty single mother like yourself is picky about dating yet she let a black guy knock her up and you even posted about me!!! How boring is your life.

 
At 5:02 PM, Blogger SuperBee said...

WD - It's time to move on. His novelty wore off. We're all over it, like Von Dutch hats and popped collars and Rumi.

 
At 8:19 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

word, superbee.

What's Rumi? I'm backwards enough to not know. I googled it, but all I get are guys with that name.

 
At 9:27 PM, Blogger SuperBee said...

It was a Restaurant/Club on the dirty stretch of Lincoln between Collins and Washington that was big between 2003-early 2005.

Britney used to like it back in the "Oops I did it Again" and "Toxic" days.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

By the same token, what's worse, boring blogs by people who lead boring lives, or commenters who lead boring lives who actually write MORE than bloggers themselves? Chronic commenting is just as bad!

You guys comment so much on this blog and quite often get so sidetracked from WD's original topic, it's like WD doesn't even have his own blog anymore!

 
At 8:22 PM, Blogger Jada said...

I think it's funny. When I first started getting anonymous hateful comments it really, really, really bothered me. And then I wrote a post that got over 15,000 hits in the first hour it was published [seriously] and the anonymous comments and hate emails came rolling in and I had to learn how to deal pretty damn quick. You have to just laugh and shake your head at it or it will eat you alive.

ANON1 does have some good points. Most blogs are boring, most people in life aren't funny or attractive, there are lots and lots of blogs that perpetuate a ton of annoying shit. BUT, and this is a HUGE BUT, I unequivocally support their right to type out that tripe if they want to. And I also don't subscribe to that school of thought that "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." You put it out there and I reserve the right to comment. Comment moderation is for big pussies, but so are anonymous comments. Most people are pussies. And most are boring and tediously average. And I fucking love that.

 
At 12:36 AM, Blogger Velvet said...

Nice to meet you. Please feel free to bring your hotness back to D.C. anytime you want. I almost slipped on the ladies drool on my way out the door Friday night.

Um, at least I think it was drool...

 
At 7:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Superbee,

I still got you to comment. And tha fact that you know the history of Britney Spears just proves that you are the biggest fag in the state of Florda.

That said, all of the professional blogger out there should realize one thing. None of you will make it as a writer or as a professional writer.

Now go back to waiting tables assholes.

ANON1

 
At 8:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Corrections:

the for "tha"

bloggers for "blogger"

professional entertainer for "professional writer"

That way all you little babies who preach proper spelling and grammar on comments won't have a thing to say.

 
At 9:02 AM, Anonymous Playtah said...

"...picky about dating yet she let a black guy knock her up..."


And you call WD a racist?

"Pot, the kettle holding for you on line 2...."

 
At 9:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

anon1, i might agree with you if there were only 3 blogs in the blogosophere, and the authors all took up the space writing about themselves and their boring lives. but there are thousands of blogs, and they write them for whoever is interested, and if you're not interested, then you have choices.

wd is a very good writer with a lot of insight, but sometimes he'd just entertaining. i don't always agree with him but he adds a little spice to my boring pathetic life.

and yes, i only have these views because i weight 300 pounds and can't get a date. mwa.

 
At 9:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Playtah,

Great way to copy me again. I used the "pot meet kettle" line on you numerous times.

You really need to come up with your own material.

ANON1

 
At 9:54 AM, Anonymous Playtah said...

You're right. That was a completely new saying that no one had ever heard before.

 
At 10:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hopefully during your exciting weekend of swing dancing someone dropped you on your head.

I used that line on you before in the past week. You copy and use it back.

YOU + NO TALENT + NO LOOKS = NOT ENTERTAINING

 
At 10:27 AM, Anonymous Playtah said...

Lol.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Rachelle said...

Anon1, didn't you just ask me out on my blog? Does that mean I'm not one of the 99.9%?

 
At 10:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm, is anyone going to tell ANON1 that he doesn't have to read all those blogs that he hates?

 
At 10:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rachelle ~ Did I ask you out on your blog? I would say that you are in the .1%.

ANON1

 
At 12:10 PM, Anonymous hedonisticpleasureseeker said...

I don't get it. If a substantial percentage of blogs are boring (and I agree that they are), then aren't the guys leaving hostile messages on these blogs even MORE boring? Seriously.

The reasoning mind can only conclude that high-quality, interesting people with LIVES don't troll blogs at all.

Furthermore, one would think a bored misanthrope with too much time on his hands would at least find more interesting blogs to troll.

Bottom line: If you have a troll, congratulations! Your blog is more interesting to your troll than he'd like to admit. He's probably jealous to boot.

PS: Most trolls are male.

 
At 12:42 PM, Anonymous ANON1's Diary said...

Dear Diary,

Today I was awoke by the soft tongue of the albino Bengal Tiger my daddy bought me. The maid brought me gourmet coffee. She makes the best coffee--that's why daddy bought her from Columbia.

I don't know what I'll do today. Daddy gave me my job, so I don't have to show up to work if I don't want to. I may go online and brag about my money or penis size. That's always fun.

Or maybe I'll surf some blogs I hate to read, and comment on things I don't understand. But mommy says I'm always right, even if I don't know about the subject. She says that degree (that daddy pulled some string to help me get) proves to the world that I am educated.

I also have to watch the news today and find some more politician I can say I met.

Well, I better get going. I have to run to the library and look up the word "nepotism". Then I'll get online and try to find a cute foreign wife to buy. Mommy says it would be better for the marriage if she didn't know English. She said it had something to do with my personality.

 
At 12:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like the above ANON is a person from Playtah's blog. Can't indentify yourself coward?

ANON1

 
At 1:03 PM, Anonymous ANON1's Diary said...

You didn't identify yourself on her blog--I feel no obligation to do that here. I must say, though, that I will have to add this site to my list of links--other than ANON's narcissistic rantings, it's really funny.

 
At 1:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ySounds like one of Playtah's lame religous buddies.

Go back to church asshole; prayers won't help you out here.

ANON1

 
At 2:19 PM, Anonymous ANON1's Diary said...

I'm surprised more people haven't called you on your racist "black man" comment above.

 
At 2:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Racist? Maybe in your imaginary world.

Now go read a Bible.

ANON1

 
At 2:36 PM, Anonymous ANON1's Diary said...

You said to one of the commenters, "how a fat nasty single mother like yourself is picky about dating yet she let a black guy knock her up"

You could have gotten your point across just fine by saying she let a guy knock her up, but you added "black guy" as if that was somehow worse than just a "guy". And you implied that if she were picky, she wouldn't have dated a "black guy".

So yes, that is racist.

 
At 2:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't see anything racist in letting people know the guy was black. That's not racist.

Do some more research junior and get a new handle...

 
At 2:55 PM, Anonymous ANON1's Diary said...

It wasn't the fact that you mentioned a "black guy" per se, it was that you used "black" to make the situation seem worse.

Politicians and Businessmen don't willingly associate with racists--it's bad for PR. And I'm sure it's not good for daddy's rep either that his son is a racist.

 
At 2:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WD, for the love of G-d, please reclaim your little corner of cyberspace.

The nuts are running the squirrel house.

Or the squirrels are running the nuthouse.

Or something like that.

 
At 3:00 PM, Anonymous Playtah said...

David, I gotta remember that--"The nuts are running the squirrel house!" LOL

Love it.

 
At 3:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

David,

That is lame and downright corny. I would laugh at that if I thought Playtah was funny.

YOU SUCK!

NON-ANON - Until you stop copying my handle, I will not respond to you.

ANON1

 
At 3:14 PM, Anonymous ANON1's Diary said...

Sweet!

 
At 3:25 PM, Anonymous Rachel said...

As much as everyone loves to hate on Anon1 you have to admit at least 1 thing.
He makes the work day go faster.

 
At 3:56 PM, Anonymous Anon1's Diary said...

Rachel-true--it's a win-win situation!

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger Johnny said...

Rachelle, looks like you have a nice ass but you seem a bit snotty on your blog.

 
At 4:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come on... will someone please explain to ANON1 that if he dislikes the blogs so much then he does not have to read them?

I am guessing the chance of ANON1 being forced to read all of these blogs against his will.

 
At 5:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*I am guessing the chance of ANON1 being forced to read all of these blogs against his will is very small.

(Don't know what happened to the end of my last comment... must be losing my mind.)

 
At 5:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

quote from ANON1 @ 3:09 PM
"NON-ANON - Until you stop copying my handle, I will not respond to you."

ANON1: That's the second time you've "responded" to me. Once in the last post and now in this post. Just because I have a handle does not mean I have "copied" your handle. You're pretty desperate to pick a fight. Guess what: you lose.

non-anon

 
At 5:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon:

Corny is no insult; I'm so corny I have two ears.

As to me sucking, it's true, but only gently. Gals have told me that's the way they like it.

Since I'm married, that's largely theoretical now, but nonetheless true.

Best regards,

David

 
At 5:16 PM, Anonymous non-anon said...

ANON1: david in dc just P3WNED you like every other blogger has always owned you.

non-anon

 
At 6:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah he got me. Still copying my "ANON" style handle.

Get some originality asshole.

 
At 6:25 PM, Anonymous non-anon said...

ANON1:

WTF? You think you own a patent on signing you name to end of a comment? That's the weakest crap you've pulled yet. You better pick up your game or people will stop reading your comments. Go do 50 laps around the blog. Later, sucker.

 
At 6:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Later sucker? Good one.

Get the fuck out of here before I am forced to regulate.

 
At 6:37 PM, Anonymous non-anon said...

ANON1:

You do those 50 laps yet? Dade's gonna be pissed if you haven't finished them by the time he gets back. You've just been P3WNED twice with no response. Sucker.

You'll be off everyone's radar screens by the morning.

 
At 6:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think so.

"What's the difference between me and you? About 5 bank accounts, three ounces and two vehicles..."
-Xzibit

Seems to apply here also you little breast feeding baby. Still live at home? Trying to be me commenting here.

Can't come up with your own handle? I started and own the ANON style. I know you lack originality but come on junior, at least try.

ANON1

 
At 6:59 PM, Anonymous non-anon said...

Awww... poor little ANON1 has got the PH34R that his turf has been invaded. Poor old ANON1 with his weak game.

You were a punk ass when you were a kid and you haven't gotten better with age.

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger aikin said...

Hey, you know what would be funny?

If there were a blog that took all the comments from this blog and used them as its content. The idea's from Manola Blablablanik's comments....

 
At 12:05 AM, Anonymous nicole said...

Off topic and way late but happy anniversary to your blog.

That wish was all Tara's fault. ;)

 
At 12:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Honestly guys, I'm sorry about being such a dick to all of you. The truth is...it's hard to say but ...I'm...well, I'm impotent. There, I said it. I can't get an erection.

And it really sucks to...well, to not be able to have sex and all. And all you guys talk about sex and dating on your blogs and it makes me mad cause even if I go on dates (which is rare cause I'm only 5'4" and girls don't like short guys) I can never have sex with the girl. Sometimes I try but it's embarassing when I can't get it up.

And the girls are nice about it and say "its ok" but I know they are making fun of me to their friends once I'm not around. So I hate to admit but I take my anger out on them. I tell them it's their fault I couldnt get hard cause they are fat, or ugly, etc.

I mean, I can barely get myself off...what with not having a hard-on and all. I try to masturbate but it's really weird and I have to stretch it out and it...well, it gets all chafed and irritated. I'm so embarassed. The worst part is, I've developed a fascination with watching other men jerk-off. Initially cause i wondered what it was like, but now it's become a sexual fantasy. If only I could watch a guy jerk off while I tried to have sex, maybe I could get it up for her.

So, yeah, that's where my anti-social anger comes from. And thats why I don't get out of my house much (except to go to those peep show booths cause there I can be alone in the same place where a real man climaxed, but the woman can't see my flaccid penus, and I can hold myself and imagine I am pleasing the woman..., is that weird?).

But then I leave the booth and still have this empty feeling and for some reason lately I've been wondering if I'm some fag. Which could be why I say things about blacks and gays...my therapist says its some form of self loathing related to my impotence.

So, I didnt tell my therapist this yet, but recently I started sucking cock. In fact, I suck cock a lot. Usually with guys I meet on Craigslist while I'm not commenting on your blogs. Even worse, I've started sucking dick for coke.

I suck dick for coke. Then I come home and I'm so mad at the world...and I feel so inferior...but there is no place I can be superior, even superficially, except in this anonymous blogosphere world.

And that, everyone, is why I criticize you and your lives so much. It all goes back to my short stature, my limp pre-pubescent penus, my fellating for coke, and my lack of friends. Its a vicious cycle.

Sorry. But I can't stop. It's the only thing that makes me happy. As a matter of fact, I'll probably post real soon.


ANON1

 
At 2:24 AM, Blogger Dayngr said...

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

 
At 3:27 AM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

This fight has been nice to watch, but the best part was someone impersonating ANON1 near the bottom.

Seriously, the anon business has got to stop. At least get separate names to comment each other.

ANON1: I'm curious about you. What indusry do you work in? What was your major in college?

 
At 4:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO. Some douchebag impersonating me took the time to write the longest comment YET on Dade's blog. That shows me I have made it. It's 4:30 AM and I am in work? Why? Because I am part of a startup company that just landed a big deal.

As for as IC goes, I started ANON so I get to keep the handle. I major in business at a major college. As for as what I do for a living, that will be kept a secret.

Looks like I wasn't forgotten yet NON-ANON.

You just P3WNED YOURSELF!

ANON1

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Rachelle said...

johnny, how do I seem snotty? Any post in particular or just overall?

 
At 10:31 AM, Anonymous ANON1's Diary said...

What ANON1 says:
"I am part of a startup company that just landed a big deal...I major in business at a major college..."

Translation:
"Blah blah blah blah I have a big penis blah blah blah..."

 
At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMFAO!!! That is all you can say junior?

AND again, you copy off of me.

Read my post with the...

"blah, blah, blah..."

You are a fucking lame. Come up with some new material.

ANON1

 
At 10:54 AM, Anonymous ANON1's Diary said...

Dear Diary,

Today I invented "blah,blah,blah" and the Internet. Tomorrow I may try to make something I call "electricity".

 
At 11:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So now you copy off WD's "Dear Diary" post. You really are too stupid too come up with anything original.

ANON1

 
At 11:35 AM, Anonymous anon1's diary said...

That's 2 comments in a row of you saying the same thing. Do you want to be the pot, or the kettle?

 
At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And for the trifecta you copy my often used pot meet kettle.

Done.

You just proved how worthless you are!

ANON1

 
At 11:51 AM, Anonymous ANON1's diary said...

I'm worthless and you're a racist. We should start a club.

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger Johnny said...

Rachelle, I didn't see much past your front page to be honest. Snotty isn't the worst thing in the world, slutty would be worse. And you have a great ass. Oh did I already say that?

 

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