The First Year of White Dade
What follows is the Blogger-mandated timeline that I am required to do as I end my first year of White Dade. If you’d have told me a year ago I would have met all the people I’ve met, done all the things that I’ve done, and gained such a large audience in only a year’s time I would have told you to quit being such a sick, junkie fuck. I have made friends, almost lost some, and had my life almost completely taken over by this stupid website. I’ve been on the radio, I’ve met some minor celebrities, and even been mentioned once in the New Times. It has been quite the year and I look forward to meeting many of you this weekend in DC. You will get a full report Monday. Thanks to all of you for a great year, and if you have any friends who you think might enjoy my rants, please send them my way.
Late October 2005 – I send an Email to Alice, aka Betty, asking her how to set up a blog. She has no idea the Hell she will unleash when she responds.
November 5 2005 – Alice responds and I vow to set up a blog when I get back to work on Monday
Tuesday, November 8, 2005 – I decide to name the blog "White Dade" after our longtime labeling of the unfortunate Anglo local who still lives here, wearing boaters with no socks and polos tucked into shorts. I post my first ever rant, "Welcome to Dade County," stating in a disclaimer under the title of the blog that this is not a forum for people to complain about other races but rather intended to give people an idea of what it is like to be an American living in a non-American American city." I should have left it up. I do not send the link to anyone for the first three days of existence.
November 11, 2005 – I send the link to two people, my sister and my friend Jason, who are officially the first two readers of White Dade.
November 14, 2005 – I send the link to everyone I am friendly with and receive my first ever comment, from Johnson on my post about the shortage of White Girls in Miami.
December 20, 2005 – I go on a date with a Cuban girl, giving me three posts worth of material and further confirming why I don't like Latin chicks
December 26, 2005 – The first person who wasn't supposed to find my blog finds it. Chaos ensues.
January 9, 2006 – I post my first ever picture, of an attractive blonde that Graig slept with on a cruise. Oddly, I have my first double-digit comments box.
January 16, 2006 – The IJC links a post I do about Jewish Girls invading South Beach. It is the first time a post of mine is linked by anyone other than Johnson.
January 17, 2006 – I have my first guest post, form Graig, about his blind date with the fat redhead.
January 19, 2006 – My post on the worth (or lack thereof) of my blog shows me that all I have to do to get A-list bloggers to notice my shit is to link them incessantly. This is the biggest breakthrough for traffic so far.
January 20, 2006 – I get my first taste of blog Karma as I write a post on drunk driving and getting away with murede ras a White guy, then proceed to get two tickets in two days.
January 21, 2006 – I get my first negative anonymous comment, on "The White Dade Campaign to Save Matt Johnson" telling me that I suck ass, and just because I can blog doesn't mean I should. Anonymous, whoever you are, you blazed a trail for a thousand haters. Thank you.
January 24, 2006 – I add a picture to my profile, a blogroll and a best-of list. Traffic is not improved.
January 31, 2006 – Nudity makes its first appearance on White Dade as I post pictures of our Strip and Slide party. This will be my only venture into photoblogging as I deem it a "major pain in the ass" after that post takes me 3 hours to complete.
February 20, 2006 – My mom turns 60. Several anonymous commenters tell her she should have had an abortion.
February 23, 2006 – I am "tagged" for the first time by Tara asking me about some songs I have stuck in my head. Looking back, most of them fucking sucked.
February 24, 2006 – I receive the vaunted This is What We Do Now post of the week award for my interview with Anonymous. It doesn't hurt that I linked Larry twice in the content of that post.
February 28, 2006 – I attempt a spinoff to White Dade called "Slump Diary" chronicling my then 69-day old sexual drought. It is shorter lived than such vaunted spinoffs as "Joni Loves Chachi" and "Joey." It will be my only spinoff project to date.
March 3, 2005 – The slump is busted by a DG from Texas A&M named Ashely. Her friend is so cool about letting her go home she inspires more virtual ink than Ashley does. There are some negative concequences to this particular evening, but trust me, it was worth it.
March 9, 2006 – I begin contributing to Ashburnite's Rules Experiment. She pays attention to it about as long as she does to most things, which means it is only slightly over a minute and a half.
March 9, 2006 – I meet The IJC, the first blogger I ever read. We have an enjoyable night in the Grove and he and his friend even get to witness a Bumgear purchase.
March 13, 2006 – Tara gives me my own day on her blog. I make a bigger deal than anyone really should.
March 19, 2006 – I drive to a wedding in Birmingham. The wedding is not so important as is the Maxim Magazine brought along for the ride that features, among other things, a pictorial of the FSU cowgirls that sends me into a fifteen minute tirade in the car.
March 23, 2006 – My rage at the FSU Cowgirls prompts me to make it the rant of the day, discussing for 1500 words why Jenn Sterger is everything that is wrong with America. I get 15 comments and think nothing more of it.
March 24, 2006 – I start my statcounter account with Tara'a help, thinking it might be fun to track the 130-or-so people a day who read my blog. Just in time, apparently
March 29, 2006 – Stergermania begins. Johnson puts my Jenn Sterger rant on the UM message board. I have my first 1000 hit day. By the end of the day I have received more anonymous comments than I ever though possible and start smoking.
March 30, 2006 – Deadspin links the Sterger post and the anonymous haters just keep on rolling in. Among them, not so anonymously, is Jennifer's father, Leo.
March 31 – April 3, 2006 – Leo and I exchange emails reconciling our differences and ultimately becoming friends.
April 1, 2006 – I am a guest on the Gabriel Morency radio program on 990 the TEAM in Montreal. I talk about Jenn and other celebrity attention whores opposite the NCAA Final Four and a Canadiens game. The audience of 9 is riveted.
April 4, 2006 – I post me and Leo's emails and Deadspin finds the exchange between Leo and myself "Uplifiting" and does a feature story on it. I have my first 13,000 hit day, thanks not so much to my writing but the picture of three silicone-enhanced girls in bikinis that accompanied the article. To this day, Jenn Sterger-related posts account for one-fifth of my daily traffic.
April 5, 2006 – I make a second appearance on the Gabriel Morency show to talk about my latest Sterger post.
April 5, 2006 – I am Gawkered for the first time for my post on New York Singles. Two Deadspins and a Gawker in a week. This is when White Dade became bigtime.
April 12, 2006 – Some Anonymous commented finds it necessary to impersonate me on other people's sites. Yes, I am definitely bigitme.
May 3, 2006 – I announce my intentions to become a New York blogger for a week and am on Gawker for the second time.
May 5, 2006 – I meet all of my favorite New York bloggers starting off with lunch with Alice in New York. The night consists of a get-together at On The C set up by Larry. It is a surreal experience and I spend the rest of the weekend surrounded by people I never thought I would meet. The cool kids had accepted me as one of their own.
May 10, 2006 – My account of the night at ON the C becomes my third and most recent Gawker link. With Suki's editorial notes added, of course.
June 14, 2006 – Alice and I do our first post collaboration regarding counting the number of people you’ve slept with
June 23, 2006 – I do my first post collaboration with Larry, making a foolhearted bet that the Marlins could take two out of three from the Yankees. I still have not paid him.
June 29, 2006 – I play in my first organized kickball game in 15 years. It will this blog as the driving force in my life.
July 8, 2006 – I meet my first ever blog groupie in Birmingham. She is the best looking girl I have been seen in public with since I left the Miss Florida system. After dinner, I never see her again.
July 27, 2006 – After kickball one night, I meet a girl at Barracuda who disagrees with my theory that most women are terrible in bed. She has set out to prove me wrong ever since.
August 10, 2006 – I guest post for Larry on This is What We Do Now, something I would never have guessed when I started back in November.
August 19, 2006 – I attend my first ever Miami blogger get together at 8 ½ on South Beach. I meet everyone I had wanted to except Rick, including my current kickball teammate Erik aka the Brewer Patriot. Ice luge party follows.
August 20, 2006 – I turn 27. And get no sex on my birthday. This prompts my first-ever poll on the issue (thanks to Rick from SOTP), where over 90% of respondents agree that I at least deserved a blowjob.
August 28, 2006 – Rainy Day Ernesto hits South Florida. Utter chaos ensues as we set up an indoor 4-square court.
Seotember 2, 2006 – I meet Jenn Sterger face-to-face, dancing on a pole, and she tells me my rant about her was the "funniest shit she’s ever read." She then invites me out to dinner and attempts to give me her phone number. Goddam Razr phone.
September 3, 2006 – I eat dinner with Jenn and the two new Cowgirls, along with a bunch of Dudes, at Hooters. Turns out Leo ended up footing the bill. Thanks!
September 11, 2006 – It’s the five year anniversary of something, but what exactly it is escapes me right now.
September 19, 2006 – I take part in the Miami cross-blogination event, trading places with a couple of mommy bloggers. My tribute to silicone is still one of my more underappreciated posts.
October 14, 2006 – Leo Sterger, his wife, and his mother-in-law join me in the Student lot for a pre-game tailgate for the Miami-FIU game. They are all more White Dade than I could ever be. Unfortunately there is no pole dancing involved. Leo and myself are served overly strong mojitos prompting Leo to repeatedly yell out during the game “I’d hit that guy in the head with my helmet if I were you, pussy!” The rest is You Tube history.
October 22, 2006 – I work out with Shaq in the gym. He fails to rerack his weights.
November 8, 2006 – I celebrate the end of my first year with two long- year in review posts that basically say the same thing. Sorry.