He Said/She Said: Alice Likes 'Em Ugly, But not THAT Ugly
I’m not sure if many of you know this, but the plethora of content you see on this site may never have come to fruition were it not for my good friend Alice. The funny part, of course, is that a year ago I had never even spoken to her. I had read a post she had done on casual sex that was linked by The IJC (the only blog I read at the time) and had asked her how to go about setting one up. She replied in a polite, professional manner, and the rest is history. We exchanged emails about her life and what was going on in it which lead to text messages which lead to phone calls which lead to me being at her birthday dinner in
I don’t say this because
Just like sexual compatibility, physical attraction really is necessary to have a functional relationship. There are people out there, mostly male, who have extremely high appearance criteria that are more often than not unreachable. So while I would much rather be going home to a girl who looked like Marisa Miller every night, I am well aware that girls like that are out of my league and therefore must aim a little lower. This is not to say I’m settling, it is to say that I can save myself a lot of loneliness and sexual frustration by dating someone who does not look like a supermodel. But there is a line of attraction which must be reached.
I couldn’t date a fat girl. Period. I would just look at her and find her physically repulsive, not to mention being embarrassed to be seen with her in public. Same with an overly homely girl. Some, especially my best friends back home, described my first girlfriend as very plain. Now, this may have been the case to them, but her sexual skill more than compensated for her physical shortcomings, and she was certainly not UNattractive. The point is that while she was certainly far from hot, she was attractive enough to me to be able to date despite the disappointment of many others. But I found her attractive enough. Like I said, if I thought she was ugly, good sex just would not have gotten it done.
So, no, you are not shallow for not being more physical with someone who is, for all intents and purposes, perfect aside form their physical appearance. Some people can look past it, but as long as you are not being overly picky, you are not a bad person for demanding some level of physical attraction. Just don’t string him along lest he get the wrong idea. I’m sure you love the adoration, but you are only tying this less-attractive person’s stomach in knots. Let him know you like him as a friend, but you just aren’t into him in that way. If he chooses to keep pursuing you, then it is his fault. Otherwise you just may come off looking shallow, which is certainly not the case.