Friday, December 15, 2006

The Politics of Oral

In this, the season of giving and receiving, I thought I might opine for a minute of one of the most important concepts of giving and receiving around: Oral Sex. Unlike Christmas presents, I enjoy giving and receiving equally, and think it is crucial in any relationship. But there are people out there with a hard-and-fast set of rules for oral sex, which I don’t really understand. Again, I think people who are good in bed, or in an elevator, a car, a Greyhound bus or an airplane, don’t really concern themselves with the politics of oral so much as they do with, ooooo feeling good.

There are guys out there who believe that a girl needs to be the first one to go downtown. What an absolute load of hogwash. First of all, I love going down on a girl. I may not be spectacular at it, but I think I am at least serviceable and that is enough to grant me license to perform this act at will. So if I am the first one to put my mouth down there, so be it. As long as the girl is enjoying herself, I’m enjoying myself and we can all be happy. Guys who insist that she go first? Well, that’s just being plain old selfish in the sack. What are you afraid of? That you’ll eat her out and she won’t sleep with you? Guys, let me let you in on a little secret I learned from my years of reading Cosmo: A girl gets hornier when you go down on her. She wants sex MORE and gets much closer to orgasm that if you just stick it in after 5 minutes of foreplay.

Are you afraid of the loss of the power dynamic? Because GIVING oral sex is actually more empowering than receiving it. You have the other person under your control and can please them or pain them at will. It is actually taking charge more than you think, which is why girls who slam you up against the wall and suck your dick are usually the same ones who enjoy smacking you around.

While I am certainly one to enjoy giving oral, it is by no means EVER a one—way street. So much as I enjoy doing it, if the favor is not returned I will stop. Maybe not after the first encounter, but if it happens twice you can forget me ever going down there again until you do it too. That’s just plain-old reciprocation. Similarly, if I am down there and you give me no reaction then I’m really not going to have any incentive to continue. Should either or both of these occur, oral sex will pretty much be out of the repertoire, rendering you bad in bed and me sufficiently bored. But again, this is not so much a power thing but more my not wanting to be the only one doing it.

There are girls out there who like to give and not receive. While some guys may be thinking “Jackpot” I would actually not be comfortable dating (theoretically, anyway) a lady in this category. While it is certainly preferable to an oral-free existence, eventually I want to return the favor, get face to face with it and go to town. I have an oral fixation, what can I say? I chew on straws at restaurants bite my nails, so it only reasons that would extend to the bedroom. But if a girl is going to draw the line at receiving oral sex, chances are anal vibrators and hot wax are not going to be in our future. But that’s just a guess.

Oral sex is crucial in any good sexual relationship. Some people see the giving of oral as a loss of power, but really it is the other way around. You have the power to give pleasure or take it away, to cause pain or stop it, and when you have someone in that state of arousal they will do a lot of things they would not otherwise do. Going down on someone first is not a concession of power, but rather an expression of expanded sexual boundaries. Should the favor not be returned in a timely manner, there is no reason you should continue giving, but most people are open to oral and it should not be a problem. Girls get more excited and closer to orgasm when you go down on them, and I don’t know a guy who doesn’t enjoy a good blow job.

So what’s the problem folks? Where’s the downside? You don’t need to wait for the other person to go there first, just man/woman up and do it. Being good in bed means sometimes going first, and any person, male or female, who is too scared or too proud to do it is probably not all that good anyway. Have a great weekend everyone! Go out and give somebody the best oral they’ve ever had.


At 9:00 PM, Blogger aikin said...

I'm surprised there's no other comments here.
What the hell, I'll go first.
And I'll agree. I love going down on the ladies (hear that girls?). I've found, though, that if they're not willing to reciprocate, they tend to not really get into receiving either. At that point, the relationship a lot of times goes south. No pun intended.

Have a good weekend.

At 9:25 PM, Blogger roosh said...

i do not agree with this post

At 10:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know why I'm responding to this. I should just move along...except that someone should tell you that not all of us are built the same.

First (and, pay attention, gentlemen...some of you have no idea what or where a clitoris is...and you should fix this, if possible), something like 70% (last I heard) of women require clitoral stimulation of some variety to reach orgasm. I should say this again, it's that important. These gals would appreciate oral sex, for the most part. Of the remaining 30%, there is a subset for whom oral sex is simply not very stimulating and, under the right circumstances, could even be annoying. These gals would probably prefer to give than receive.

Second, in a world where oral sex has become the new kissing, some women still consider receiving it to be a deeply personal thing. If you've just met your girl, you may need to give her some time to feel comfortable with you. Make other assumptions at your own peril.

Third, some women are more self-conscious than others about the scent of things "down there". You might have better luck if you approach the activity straight from the bath or shower.

Fourth, maybe you really are not very good at it, in which case, why complain? For all of the women above, if you do it well enough, most would be happy to oblige you, at least occasionally.

At 2:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When it comes to oral sex, two words that every girl I've ever been with always enjoys...Ice Cubes.

At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WD, I think I am in love with you.

I agree pretty much with everything, the other way around, too (I love going down on guys, and yeah, you're the one in control then... and you can do all kinds of fun stuff like making him wait, and teasing, and changing tempo, and and and...)

Another reason for my first sentence: I also love Politics of Dancing 2. Adore it. It's especially good in the gym (see another commonality here?). I also like Tranceport by Paul Oakenfold, Nothern Exposure 1 by Sasha&Digweed, Magik 5 by DJ Tiesto. Any opinion on those?

Yvette is right: for a minority of women clitoral stimulation does nothing. My mom is one (yes, she told me; yes, we're dysfunctional).

At 3:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Might be a good idea to know who you are going down on, or you can catch something very unpleasant.

At 5:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love going down on a hot chick. I usually try and eat at the Y for at least 20 minutes. Helps build your neck strength also.

At 5:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And what kind of mother talks to her daughter about clitoral stimulation?

At 5:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd rather have those lips whispering dirty things in my ear (amongst other things) while his fingers do the talking and I'll recip just as soon as he unties my hands...

At 8:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thoroughly enjoy giving and receiving oral but I gotta tell you. The 69 position is not the most comfortable position.
If you want to give and receive simultaniously, do you have any other suggestions?
I was told once that I give "wicked head" but he was a very poor kisser so I don't know how much of a compliment that was.

At 10:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had that ICE CUBE thing show up a few weeks ago. What is the deal with that?

At 10:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good post, I agree wholeheartedly. Oral cannot be a one way street. If I’m not receiving I won’t give. And although I’ve never actually come out and said it, I have withheld sex before from guys if they don’t go down. You’ve gotta put forth the effort. It is THE best form of foreplay and a girl WILL likely fuck you if you do it.

And I agree with Rachel on the 69 thing. I can’t focus on two things at once and I’d prefer to take the time to do a quality job. It’s hard to concentrate on the task at hand if I’m having an orgasm.

No ice cubes please.

At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who woulda guessed that tipping would provoke way more comments than oral sex?

MMM, there are few feelings more satisfying than going down on a woman who enjoys it. Grab my hair. Tell me what feels good. Soak my beard and moustache. MMM.

Reciprocity is important, but I can accept it if my partner sees going down on me as a prelim, rather than as the main event.

An old girlfriend once opined to me that men might feel differently about reciprocity here if the female climax resulted in a spurt of warm, salty, mucus into the back of a guy's throat.

On the other hand, tell me a bit more gently than "If you come in my mouth, I'll bite your dick off."

That really shoulda been a clue that that particular relationship might not be the best one to invest years in.

Ah well, live and learn.

At 12:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

anonymous with the 5:13 AM post, are you me? :)

I want it both ways though, not one over the other.

At 12:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now, here we have a good conversation topic... Reciprocity is important in most cases. The exceptions where I wont go downtown are when it smells like bad sushi or if there is too much grass on the field. Other than that I think its great foreplay and if she gets off like a crazy horse, I might even pass up a BJ (especially since there are many girls out there that arent very good at giving head) and go straight for the main event.

At 12:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Soak my beard and moustache? Are you kidding me.

Please David don't post any further information on the subject, I just hate lunch.

At 12:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's ATE lunch.

At 1:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ANON1: Bon Apetit!

My work here is done?

At 2:25 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Aikin - I wonder if some girls pass on receiving so they don't have to give?

Roosh - Well, seeing as how we see eye-to-eye on life philosiphy I guess a minor disagreemnt on oral sex is not such a big deal.

Yvette- Mostly stuff I elarned in Cosmo, but thank you for the PSA.

JOhnson - A black man who admits to giving oral?! I am sending this somment to Ripley's.

IC - Tanceport is good. I like Nyana the best of Tiesto's stuff. you should come to WMC in March, or at least to Ultra (I did a post on it in March). you would fucking love it.

Anon - Speaking from experience, are we?

Anon1 - Really? Must be why my neck is gettign so scrawny lately.

Anon2 - That's hot. Give me more...

Rachel - "Weicked head?" So you like Southie guys, huh?

Rachelle - Thank you. Glad to see you see it my way.

Ddavid - I agree with Anon1 on this one...that was a bit much. But whatever. Any girl that was that explicit about it proabaly deserves a good load to the throat once in a while.

BM - I dated a girl for a year once who smelled like Garlic shrimp. That was rough.

At 3:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WD, I noticed you know Southie... Are you a Beantown transplant or did u just get that from watching Good Will Hunting?

At 4:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMIGOD, NO ICE CUBES. I have no idea where that rumor got started. I 'm sure some women like it, but I would freak the fck out. I can't even deal with a cold tongue.

At 5:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

good post. BUT just because someone might have reservations about giving oral might not mean that they're horrible at it or are selfish.
i know for me, i feel that oral is way more intimate than just penetration. i think it's more intimate to put your mouth on someone's genitals than to just stick it in/ have it stuck in you.
but maybe that's just me....

either way, good post.

At 6:22 PM, Blogger MonkeyPants said...

Heh. I'm with anon at 5:13 a.m. as well. Well, at least as a preference - I wouldn't give up downtown.

And ice cubes? Really?!?

At 9:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think it's more intimate to put your mouth on someone's genitals than to just stick it in/ have it stuck in you.

Nope, it's not just you. I'm included in this.

At 10:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of the best things about a guy going down on me is that his tongue will never cause the kind of, er... *damage* that his drunk, rough, and clumsy fingers will. There's "fuck me" pain, and then there's "get the fuck away from me" pain... but if he uses his tongue he'll never have to worry about the latter.

At 12:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enough with the ice cube talk. Are you guys insane?!?!? What's next, saying girls also like chainsaws down there?

At 11:20 AM, Blogger White Dade said...

BM - Learned that form guys I met in the Marines, actually. Half the Corps is from Southie. the other half is from Texas.

Cedar - Muhc like so many things, I think it depends on the person. I've met girls who love it. haven't you seen 9 and a half weeks?

Gen - So how long would you have to know somebody before oyu'd do that?

Mo - You've never tried that?

TGAB -Is drunked oral really all that good? What about teeth?

Anon - Chainsaws, huh? I'll have to try that one.

At 11:53 AM, Blogger Gland Jupiter said...

I realize I'm late to the party on this one, but it's curious to me that no one's mentioned Halls cough drops yet. Have one in your mouth when you're going down and some women will remember you forever.

I always thought women did the ice cube thing for us, and we did the Halls thing for them.

At 12:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so with you on this one. Perhaps most importantly, I think that oral is a good barometer of what sex is going to be like. It's been my experience that if a woman is grossed out by either giving or receiving oral, odds are she's not going to be a whole lot of fun in bed. If, however, she's crazy into it, odds are that you've found somebody who likes to have fun in bed. It's a sort of a litmus test, if you will.

At 12:33 PM, Blogger MonkeyPants said...

Nope. I'll have to remember that. If the current slump ever ends. ::sigh::

At 2:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A related posting...statistically driven. Apparantly, brothers aren't very giving

At 6:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

how come you didn't mention how much easier it is for guys to give oral sex than for girls? all you have to do it gently tickle the clitoris in a circle, or lick it in a circle. big deal. it's not like we're shoving a six inch sausage in your mouth and then complaining that it touched your teeth.

At 9:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A black man who admits to giving oral?! I am sending this somment to Ripley's.

is that a stereotype? black men not giving oral? in my case, they certainly do!

At 2:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice blog. Terrible, terrible profile photo.


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