Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Women. Weaken. Blogs.

Larry has lost his edge. He made this announcement a couple of weeks ago, but I have only now gotten around to reading it. And while it was something I had suspected for a long time, this formal proclaimation came as a great saddening to me. There was a time, oh, maybe six months or so ago, where me, Larry and the The IJC were three of the most notorious haters around, spewing virtual vitriol as if it were lava from a Hawaiian volcano. Then something funny happened. Larry, unfortunately, got himself a girlfriend. And now apparently he has given himself a giant sunshine enema and soon this once-bitter, angry New Yorker is going to start doing posts about relationship idiosyncrasies and funny trips to Target. Thanks, but no thanks, Lar. If I wanted that I'd go back and read The Daily Dump.

My point is this: When I first started writing this my boy Cliff told me that it is impossible to maintain a blog and a relationship. And all he had was a fucking LiveJournal. Unfortunately, this seems to be the case. As soon as a good, Angry Young Man blogger finds himself a girl, that nasty edge he had goes down the drain faster than a used condom on a Sunday Night. I guess it reasons, though. All the great writers are either depressed or suicidal when they do their best work, so when something comes along that brightens your outlook on life, your work suffers. How fucking selfish.

But it is not only Larry that seems to have fallen off the map. I remember a guy named Bad at Life who started out a little while ago with so much promise. I felt we had found the next in the line of drunken, philandering bloggers. Then all of a sudden his posts fall off in frequency and his content goes kinda soft and, oh surprise, surprise, next up is the "Sorry I just haven't had time for this and, yes, there is a woman involved," post. These are becoming all too frequent.

Not so sure what the IJC's deal is, although I think he just ran out of material. You can only complain about Jewish girls so much. And so now, of those three hated individuals, who is left? Who is left to still call women out and gripe daily about their antics? Roosh, that's who. But after him? Virgile Kent, that's who. Okay, okay, but after those guys? Well, I guess it's up to me.

But White Dade, you say. I thought you were seeing someone. Well, kids, you vastly underestimate the kind of two-faced scumbag I can truly be. I have found the key to maintaining a successful blog while getting sex (albeit bad sex, but sex nonetheless) every night, and that key is to date someone who gives you material. And not cute, funny "Isn't it funny when your girlfriend talks all cutesy with her cat," material, but real, entertaining blog material. Turn your fights into raging generalizations. Don't let her make you happy, rather take every negative aspect of your relationship and turn it into a wide-encompassing post. I only wish I had this thing when I was still dating strippers.

I guess people who believe in dating people they actually might "love" a may find this rather difficult. But that, dear readers, is why White Dade will never change. Women come and go, but a good blog is hard to find. And I would be disappointing all of you if I ever let my personal relationships alter my content. Oh, and Key #2? Make sure you make it abundantly clear to your girl that looking for/reading/having your friends find your blog is a violation of your trust and on par with looking for your diary in your bedroom. That way I can keep everything the way it is and nobody is ever the wiser.

30 Comments:

At 12:49 AM, Anonymous DirkadirkaMohammedJihad said...

yipes.

virgle kent = wannabe tucker max with a wicked set of manboobs who doesnt realize how stupid it looks when he tries to "write crunk"

roosh = sell out. tries too hard. blogs consist of long winded whine-fests about not getting laid. his self-deprecation is contrived. real self deprecation = shitting your pants and still scoring, not running around with a fucking blowup doll. sweet christ.

well, mang, looks like you got your work cut out for you.

yut-yut

 
At 1:00 AM, Anonymous J said...

i think this is on par with the action movies where the villain reveals his evil plan and proclaims he will never ever be stopped.

this is going to end badly and i'll be quite entertained!

 
At 1:02 AM, Blogger spinachdip said...

Yeah, I tried to balance the girl and the blog for a while, but it was always a tightrope.

Suddenly, you have to edit your past sexual exploits. You can't talk about your current exploits because she knows that your friends read and they know it's about her. She asks you to not write about your private life, but every little thing you do, she asks, "Are you going to blog about it?"

You could not tell her about your blog, but really, there's not going to be a happy ending. And she will snope - that's what girls do.

 
At 7:59 AM, Anonymous Johnson said...

It's not impossible to maintain an edge when you're in a relationship. All you need to do is get into a very, very terrible relationship and you'll have all the edge you need. I know I wrote some pretty lame posts when dating Mud Puddle, but for every one of those, there are about 3 angry pissed off ones that I either made "friends only" or deleted once got over the urge to call up OJ and ask how he got rid of another blond slut and got away with it.

BTW, how's our version of Derek Vinyard doing in the clink?

 
At 8:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I lack a girlfriend and a life so maintaining a blog is not a problem for me.

 
At 8:45 AM, Blogger Virgle Kent said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

man boobs!!!!

ha ha ha ha ha ha


Anyway.

WD,

I completely agree with you. It’s as if three fucking guys in the whole blogesphere are supposed to keep it real, I have to finish some things but check your e mail. Got some news coming.

 
At 10:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, that is all so silly. Anyone can be in a relationship and maintain an edge. Just write about something other than hating all women.

Larry did the right thing - his posts were unfair and obnoxious and stereotypical, all while he just was proving to be jerk who didn't deserve a decent women.

Why do guys who have nothing to offer constantly think they deserve their perfect ideal?

So Larry has grown up a little, become a better person deserving of falling in love and being fallen in love with.

He's seen that things aren't so black and white, and stopped taking out his Single Rage on the whole of women. He can still write angry screeds if he wants to. But maybe they won't be mysogynistic.

You can do the same.

And if the sex in your relationship is "bad," then do your gf a favor and leave her.

Have you seen American History X, where the younger kid finally learns not to be racist? That works for all prejudices. Maybe Larry and IJC saw the error of their ways. Or maybe they just..well, grew up.

 
At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Johnson said...

"Have you seen American History X, where the younger kid finally learns not to be racist? That works for all prejudices. Maybe Larry and IJC saw the error of their ways. Or maybe they just..well, grew up."

That kid got shot in the end.

 
At 10:54 AM, Blogger Rachelle said...

Your girlfriend knows you have a blog and she doesn’t look for it??? My god, if I knew my boyfriend had a blog I’d spend 24/7 googling that shit. And fuck the key to the diary, I would totally try to get my hands on that too.

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger Jada said...

It's so silly to think you can't blog and be in a relationship, or that being with someone is going to take away your edge. If that is the case, that you get in a relationship with someone and you become a completely different person, than you are an abominable pussy and will eventually end up right back single and even more bitter than before because you have no spine and lack a fully formed identity. So, just give him time.

In the meantime, I've been enjoying this blog:

singlejew.blogspot.com

he's ranty and dating and writes well and is a little bitter.

 
At 11:25 AM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

I thank goodness for my doses of White Dade--uninhibited!!! Stay true to yourself!

 
At 12:16 PM, Anonymous cedar said...

I had a blog for years that was fed by my post-college angst, my unemployment, my subsequent employment/suicide inspiration stint at Kinkos and the fact that I was living in the Midwest, surrounded by noxious Lutherans. It was fucking good, and yet I was in a relationship the whole time. You're right in that misery breeds caustic, bitter and yet entertaining writing, but it doesn't have to be relationship-less misery. Any run of the mill misery will do.
Oh, and I can't wait until you really fall in love. It is going to happen and we'll all be subsequently amused. And for the record, I think you would still have plenty of things to eloquently rant about.

 
At 12:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So sad yet so true. I think the problem only arises when you find a girl that you actually care about. As you say, women I didn't give a shit about provided some of my best material--but that was because I knew I'd never care if they ever found the blog.

In this particular case, however, I feel the the real tragedy was that I was still with this blog-ruining she-devil when you were in town. If only I had just broken up before you were here. It would have been glorious...

 
At 12:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So really, by being in your words a "two-faced scumbag" (at least to your girlfriend) you are being a nice guy. You don't let your personal relationship alter the content of your blog for the good of the readers? How kind! I think you have gone soft as well. Look how you were cozying up at the end of the post.

In the words of Ice T, "A real hater hates the air."

 
At 12:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have to agree that it's so much harder to write when things are going okay in your life. i write my best shit when i'm in a crap relationship.
but then after a while people get bored when you write the same rant(s) every time. you need to start dissing on people you work with or something. mix it up a bit.

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger spinachdip said...

anonymous is the missing the point - Larry's blog wasn't exclusively about woman-hatin'. I mean his most memorable posts were about women, but that was just one subject out of many.

It's just that when you're happy, you stop sweating the small stuff, and sweating the small stuff is what sarcastic blogging is all about.

And when you have a girl who's with you for all your non-working hours, you don't need an outlet for your deep thoughts or witticisms any more.

 
At 2:54 PM, Anonymous Larry said...

While it's no secret that unhappy writers historically produce great material, I also think that the writer who continues to mine the same territory and fails to evolve risks becoming a one-trick pony.

Now I'm not saying WD is a one-trick pony by any stretch - he's one of my favorite bloggers and I arguably gave him one of his bigger breaks when he was still getting started. But it's also only natural to grow considering it's inherent in who we are.

While I have a lot of appreciation for many of my older, angry rants, as it's an interesting time capsule of how I may have felt at the time, it would ring false to continue penning "women-bashing" (I use quotes because if you actually have perused my material and still think I hate women, you really shouldn't be reading my site or any blogs for that matter) diatribes for the sake of maintaining the contrived "Larry" character my blog had ultimately devolved into.

So I may be a bit less angry, and maybe it has weakened my site. And Spinachdip's right - when you're happy, you stop sweating the small stuff, which is where all sarcastic bloggers make hay. Either way, I've still enjoyed sharing my insights with others even if my material hasn't been needlessly over-the-top just for the sake of pushing the envelope.

If WD and others aren't interested in what I have to say anymore, well that's unfortunate, but it's just the way it goes.

 
At 3:51 PM, Anonymous Chris said...

Shit, I'm screwed. This comes on the day that I reveal there's a woman in my life. There goes my blog.

 
At 4:14 PM, Anonymous Becca said...

I agree with Spinachdip, which is I guess the (only) reason I should be happy my relationship just ended. I never talked about it on my blog but at least I can start being pissed off about stupid things again.

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger KassyK said...

Bah...cop out. Break up with the girl that is not giving you good sex and start writing about banging strippers again. Being with someone that doesn't fulfill you is so 1876.

 
At 5:25 PM, Blogger B-Brod said...

Yes yes yes… it’s hard to blog (interesting material) and maintain a relationship. Whine whine whine… I’m listing anyone who even whispers that shit in that category lazy bitches. No offence to actual lazy bitches out there.

There are blogers who have to really put out “work” to even post the shit they are up to.
Take guinneaworm for example. (http://guineaworm.blogspot.com/) – A few of you might even remember this kid from high school. This dirty bastard has to really work hard just to put his words out there for the rest of us lazy slobs to read in the comfort of our easy chairs.

What’s his deal you ask? In his words:

“How I blog – I live at the Merlin compound where there is no internet access but there is electricity from about 8 – 11:30 PM when I can charge my laptop. The next step is I start up that Suzuki 125 Motorcycle that tried to kill me last week and drive down to the GTZ compound. Although I know Burnd, the head of GTZ down here, he is hard to get in touch with so I usually can’t get in. What I can do is make small talk with the guards and hang out outside, set the computer up on the back of the moto and mooch their wireless internet in the equatorial sun.”

I’m just saying, we all have our hurdles to jump.

 
At 6:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look, the best thing that can happen to you, or any one of you, is to meet someone you love and want to be with.

When you meet that person, lots of your anger and misconceptions, and cruelty toward the opposite sex (why are you girls all so darn faaaattt?) etc. breaks down and you realize that love isn't so black and white.

Good luck to you. The sooner you change and become a better person, the better chance you have of falling in love w/someone who falls in love with you too.

There is nothing wrong w/having standards. There is something wrong with being mean. I've seen White Dade grow up a lot on this blog, and Larry too. I hope it happens to more guys.

 
At 6:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just watched "See No Evil" with Kane from the WWE and I can't figure out if watching that movie or reading some of the lame comments on here is more boring.

I don't know what I just typed.

 
At 8:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

there are a lot of cruel guys on teh net making girls feel insecure. all they do is whine about how girls are either too ugly, too fat, not giving pornstar-level head, etc. there is no reason to be a dick. larry has learned that.

 
At 11:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't believe this "girlfriend' of yours exists.

If she knows about yr blog but hasn't yet found it and therefore dumped you, she can't be real.

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Dirka - VK would roll you. I'm just sayin....

J - I'm sure you will. I'll be sure to mention her at every possible opportunity for at least 6 months.

SDip - Well put, sir. Well put.

Johnson - NOt taking visitors but he talked to Naturelle and she caleld me and sadi he sounded okay.

Anon1 - apparently

Vk - Yeah. and apparently now its down to 2.

Anon - If you noticed, I don't say I need a perfect ideal. I just call women otu on their bullshit. I accept it though. And if you haven't noticed, I dont' mind fat chicks.

Rachelle - See, that's why I'm with her.

Jada - I will check that guy out when I have 5 free minutes again.

Angel - Dude, I'm sorry I've been slacking off lately. I'll try and keep you entertained.

Cedar - True. Like I could always rag on Cubans if I run out of girl material.

BAL - Dude, your timeing is just sooo off. Ever considered a Florida Vacation?

ElRanito - Comment of the Day. I may do a post now on why I hate air.

Gen - I tihnk I've been mixing it up pretty well.

Larry - Oh, no, I'll still read your shit whenever I read anyone's. Just sad to see you are not as villified as you once were.

Chris - Its all about priorities.

Becca - Welcome back.

Kassy - True. The hard part, then, would be going back to banging strippers. Although now having gone to Gold Rush Twice in three week,s I may be well on my way.

Ben - WOW! Okay, my dedication may be minscule in comparison to THAT guy. Fucking impressive.

Anon - Thanks, I guess.

Anon1 - Kane movies got you THAT idsoriented, huh?

Anon - And there are just as many ripping on men. Its a 2 way street.

Jader - Oh, really?

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Jader - I looked for an email for you on your blog and you have none. Had I foud it I would have forwarded you a picture along with several emails proving her existance. your loss.

 
At 4:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whatever dude. For a while EVERY blog was a bitter rant - the point is it's all personal opinion and useless crap. People just don't admit it. I find your blog just as useless and crappy as every other blog (even mine) despite the content being happy, sad, mean, angry, or just plain stupid.

And I think you look like that guy in the picture.

 
At 11:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dade's got a point, but theres still other shit to write angrily about about besides women in the early 20's and why they should all legally be declared retarded until they reach the age of 28. You can write about black people. And why everyone should hate fucking Colin Farell. and the goddamn knicks.

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger Dayngr said...

Are you kidding me? My relationship fuels all my bitter angry rants.

 

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