Women. Weaken. Blogs.
Larry has lost his edge. He made this announcement a couple of weeks ago, but I have only now gotten around to reading it. And while it was something I had suspected for a long time, this formal proclaimation came as a great saddening to me. There was a time, oh, maybe six months or so ago, where me, Larry and the The IJC were three of the most notorious haters around, spewing virtual vitriol as if it were lava from a Hawaiian volcano. Then something funny happened. Larry, unfortunately, got himself a girlfriend. And now apparently he has given himself a giant sunshine enema and soon this once-bitter, angry New Yorker is going to start doing posts about relationship idiosyncrasies and funny trips to Target. Thanks, but no thanks, Lar. If I wanted that I'd go back and read The Daily Dump.
My point is this: When I first started writing this my boy Cliff told me that it is impossible to maintain a blog and a relationship. And all he had was a fucking LiveJournal. Unfortunately, this seems to be the case. As soon as a good, Angry Young Man blogger finds himself a girl, that nasty edge he had goes down the drain faster than a used condom on a Sunday Night. I guess it reasons, though. All the great writers are either depressed or suicidal when they do their best work, so when something comes along that brightens your outlook on life, your work suffers. How fucking selfish.
But it is not only Larry that seems to have fallen off the map. I remember a guy named Bad at Life who started out a little while ago with so much promise. I felt we had found the next in the line of drunken, philandering bloggers. Then all of a sudden his posts fall off in frequency and his content goes kinda soft and, oh surprise, surprise, next up is the "Sorry I just haven't had time for this and, yes, there is a woman involved," post. These are becoming all too frequent.
Not so sure what the IJC's deal is, although I think he just ran out of material. You can only complain about Jewish girls so much. And so now, of those three hated individuals, who is left? Who is left to still call women out and gripe daily about their antics? Roosh, that's who. But after him? Virgile Kent, that's who. Okay, okay, but after those guys? Well, I guess it's up to me.
But White Dade, you say. I thought you were seeing someone. Well, kids, you vastly underestimate the kind of two-faced scumbag I can truly be. I have found the key to maintaining a successful blog while getting sex (albeit bad sex, but sex nonetheless) every night, and that key is to date someone who gives you material. And not cute, funny "Isn't it funny when your girlfriend talks all cutesy with her cat," material, but real, entertaining blog material. Turn your fights into raging generalizations. Don't let her make you happy, rather take every negative aspect of your relationship and turn it into a wide-encompassing post. I only wish I had this thing when I was still dating strippers.
I guess people who believe in dating people they actually might "love" a may find this rather difficult. But that, dear readers, is why White Dade will never change. Women come and go, but a good blog is hard to find. And I would be disappointing all of you if I ever let my personal relationships alter my content. Oh, and Key #2? Make sure you make it abundantly clear to your girl that looking for/reading/having your friends find your blog is a violation of your trust and on par with looking for your diary in your bedroom. That way I can keep everything the way it is and nobody is ever the wiser.