You're Not Romantic, You're a Stalker
Gentleman, I know there are a lot of really shitty chicks out there. I know it is difficult to weed through the gold diggers, the self-absorbed princesses, the girls who don’t shut up, the fat girls, the drug addicts and the crazy ones. And I can certainly understand your excitement when you finally find a girl who meets all the criteria you are looking for. But here’s the thing, Bob: She has to like you back.
In the movies and sometimes on TV, that perfect person is perfect for the hero and loves him unconditionally. In the real world, though, it takes a little more than “Hello” from across the room and swelling music to create a storybook romance. More often than not, the object of your affections is not going to reciprocate your enthusiasm. In fact, she will most likely brush you off as just another loser who thinks she is Miss Perfect. When she does this, gents, you better learn how to take no for an answer or you may end up being the object of someone else’s affections. And “no” is definitely not in his vocabulary.
It is largely the fault of stupid movies, mostly starring John Cusak, that show a guy getting rejected but being persistent and eventually winning the girl. Guys, love is not rock climbing. Unlike every cheesy black-framed poster with a motivational phrase at the bottom hanging in office managers’ walls around the country, perseverance is not the way to a woman’s heart. Money typically is, but sometimes confidence, looks and a sense of humor can help. The point is, if you ain’t what she’s looking for, the answer isn’t going to change just because you stand outside her window with a boom box.
Girls are partly to blame, too. You all watch these ridiculous movies, mostly starring John Cusak, and say, “Ooooh, that’s so sweet. I wish someone would do that for ME.” And then when they do you call the police. Much like having sex on the beach, it looks great in the movies, but kinda sucks in real life. What passes for a “grand romantic gesture” on the big screen is considered more of a “Class 2 felony” in most states.
Typically, the girls who you will be after are nice girls. So they will not flat out tell you that you are, in fact, a fat loser who still lives at home and that they want nothing to do with you. Instead they will give you some line about “Not wanting a relationship right now,” or “Not being emotionally ready.” Gents, I guarantee you if Tom Brady came along and said he wanted a relationship, the girl would magically be “emotionally ready.” What she means is that she is not ready for a relationship with you. Actually, it means she doesn’t want one with you at all. Ever. Take the hint, go away.
Obsessive emails and IM’s? Not sexy. Showing up unannounced at all of her social gatherings? Not winning you any points either. Saying things like “I’ll change to be whoever you want me to be?” C’mon, guys! You know girls love the challenge of changing a man. What fun is it for them if you just agree all the time? Getting perpetually rejected and coming back for more does not make you romantic. It makes you a borderline stalker.
You become irritating not only to the female you so adore, but to her friends and, even more so, any guy she might be dating. Yes, that guy is getting the ass that you would sell your left nut for. But you know what? Life ain’t fair. Maybe it’s because he drives a Harley, or maybe it’s because he makes $250,000 a year, or maybe, and I don’t know if you thought of this one, it’s because he doesn’t obsess over her and IM her 150 times a day telling her she’s perfect. Just a thought.
Guys, quit embarrassing yourselves. When a woman says no, it is not a challenge, she is not throwing down the gauntlet to test your affections. She is telling you she wants absolutely nothing to do with you. Take the blow to the ego, get over it, and move on. There a like 3 billion women in the world, and chances are somewhere there will be someone who will feel as passionately about you as you do about her. Quit wasting your time and dignity on someone who doesn’t like you and get some self esteem. And if that doesn’t work, get a hooker. But whatever you do, leave the poor girl alone and learn that not everyone thinks you’re as great as your mother does.
I would like to than kAlice, aka Betty, aka FeistyRed, for inspiring this rant with tales of her numerous psuedo-stalkers. Guys, if she hasn't invited you out yet, she's probaly not interested.