Friday, January 19, 2007

Don't Be That Guy Vol. 4: The Skank Thief

A lot of guys have to put work into getting laid. I’m not saying I am one of those guys, but I can certainly appreciate someone who puts a little effort into achieving their goal as opposed to sitting back and waiting for the mountain to come to you (sometimes literally). So when your boys are out and they are chatting up a girl who just oozes moral casualty, and they decide to invite her somewhere else, let them go and go to sleep.

Whether it is in a bar, on the beach, in a coffee shop on or the Subway, the guy who shows the stones to start up a conversation with a girl should be the one with the opportunity to sleep with her. Now, if she is not into that guy and summarily blows him off (figuratively) that is a different story. But if a couple of your boys are talking up some girls and invite them out for drinks, to a club, or back to your apartment, keep your grubby hands off them. The guy who puts in the work should be the one who gets the reward.

Now, sometimes the girl he is with may actually seem more interested in you, maybe specifically because you are NOT putting in any effort, or maybe because you are more her type, or maybe because she is just an attention whore and wants you to pay the same attention to her that your friends are. But even if she seems more into you, do not, under any circumstances, pursue any action with this lady. Despite the fact that you may (and I repeat, MAY) have a better chance with her than the guy who has been pretending to be interested in her tales of shoe shopping and binge drinking, it is still not your opportunity to take. As I said, sit back, relax, and go to sleep. Your night is over.

The one exception may be the potential for a gangbang. While extremely rare, it is not still not your gangbang in instigate. In other words, you must first let your boy, or boys, who have been putting in the work start things up and then invite yourself in. Anything else is a gross violation of ethics, friendship, and, if you want to be cheesy and cliché, man-laws.

Sometimes we get greedy, but it should never come at the expense of a friend getting laid. There is cockblocking, which is interfering for the sake of someone else not getting any, and then there is downright skank-thieverey. I’m not sure which is worse, as one is done for spite and one is done for greed. But any way you cut it, preventing a friend from getting laid is just plain wrong. If someone is nice enough to even let you talk to a girl they are interested in, respect their efforts and back the Hell off. Otherwise, you shouldn’t be surprised if you get a punch in the face as soon as you walk out of the bedroom.


At 4:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said... used the word 'gangbang'.

At 4:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who stole your girl? Did you punch him in the face?

I'm glad I have your sporadic interesting posts to read to entertain myself with. ;P

Would you ever really do a gangbang, though? I would think it would be awkward the next day. Espicially if you were drunk during it.

At 4:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm disturbed with the idea of you lurking outside a bedroom where people are "doin' it" to punch the guy when he walks out...

Furthermore... you have roommates? Ew.

At 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gangbangs, bukake, and threesomes where there are 2 dudes definitely waver between 95% and 99% gay.

Cockblocking, skank thieving, etc. is a violation of said "man law" and is definitely punishable by punch to the face or, better yet, STD.

At 8:55 PM, Blogger aikin said...

I've only recently encountered this kind of horseshit from supposed "friends."
In the past I've had buddies who not only wouldn't skank-thief me, but would run interference to prevent possible conflicts of interest, and who would take off (without prompting!) if it looked like I was going to see some action.

"F" those cock-blocking, skank-thieving clowns. I just know next time not to hang with them.

At 9:17 PM, Blogger B-Brod said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:19 PM, Blogger B-Brod said...

oops. I've been violating that rule for years. To any friends who I’ve done this to (WD) I apologize. But I can’t say I would have been too worried. If I learned one thing only in my 4 months of high school football, it's that you hit like a 12 year old giggling Japanese school girl with Pillowy oversized Mickey mouse gloves.

If I had a mic in my hand, I would drop it on the stage, put my arms in the air and walk off stage, yelling, "PEACE - I'M THROUGH!"

At 12:33 AM, Blogger Paul said...

dude japanese girls are waaaay stronger than they look

At 10:55 AM, Anonymous DF said...

Skank Thievery is one of a handful of traits, i.e., cockblocking, backstabbing, and/or, rumor mongering that will get you an express ticket to the shit list. I've had this done to me by acquaintances looking to be friends a few times so I’ve become skilled in spotting this trait in pricks. I even had a so-called "friend" do this to me once, among my first encounters with a skank thief. He kept his thievery to himself and it wasn’t until the girl broke down and told me that I found out what was going on. Out of spite, I fucked his really hot sister, whom I never approached before out of respect for him but after he pulled that shit I felt I was given license. I ended up in a 2 year relationship with his sister who was bat-shit crazy and he and I never spoke again. Revenge is a dish best served cold!

At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about the quad?

At 5:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We tend to take it for granted, but getting some was a serious matter of genetic survival back in the day, i.e., the opportunity to breed.

You need to take a look at your ability to judge people if you are surrounding yourself with people who are shitting on something as important as getting laid.

I don't have this problem with my friends because years ago, I decided to weed out most of the cockfarm I called "friends" and made an effort to have far more female than male friends. Try it, you'll like it.

At 5:49 PM, Blogger Paul said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 7:00 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

mm - Ewww. Youare grosed out by the word gangbang

Gen - Drink is the only way to do one. And no, it is never awkward. It's funny.

Superbee - No, not roommates, guys who want to use my living room for a gangbang.

BM - Would oyu consider Marines Gay? Becasue let me tell you, I know a good number of Devil Dogs who have partaken in such actiivites.

Aikin - Yes. Fuck all of them.

Ben - YOu didn't do that at all. I conceded that because I didn't want to play poker nor did I want Joes first time to be sloppy thirds.

Paul - Oh, I know.

Df - I tihnk that is the best course of action.

Anon - the quad was pre-planned and all parties knew the deal.

Anon - I tinhk you may be the male version of that girl who hangs out with all guys to avoid competition

At 1:29 AM, Anonymous Joe said...


Let the countdown to Chicken Strip Tour #4 commence!

At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon - I tinhk you may be the male version of that girl who hangs out with all guys to avoid competition

Nah, I just decided one day that spending my free time with the boys wasn't as helpful to my sex life as hanging with chicks.

When was the last time a male friend made an attempt to hook you up with his sister or female friends and acquaintances? Girls help their friends get laid.

Plus, chatting up girls in a bar while surrounded by hot female friends does wonders for one's sex life. Try it, you'll like it.


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