Miami is The City You Fuck

This is not a city you bring home to mom. She is not a place you want to raise your kids, or to settle down with or to plan a future. While superficially she is perfect, and will show you the time of your life if you let her, doing anything real with this city would be a grave, grave mistake.

Because you see there are cities you marry and cities you fuck. And Miami, well, Miami is the city you fuck. A lot of people come to Miami and fuck her for a weekend and go home. And they swear it's the best sex they've ever had. Many get a taste of her and make the mistake of trying to make her theirs. But most, after a few months, realize her inherant sexiness wears thin pretty quick. They learn about her insanity, her volatility, and her constant abuse, wise up and leave. But man, it was a good time, wasn't it?

When you are young and single, that's the kind of city you want. One that makes all your other friends jealous because she is so crazy and so hot at the same time. The kind of city that gives you mind-blowing sex and even more mind-blowing drugs whenever you want them. The kind of city that has you thinking about her 24-7 and all the things you want to do to her the next time you are together. And then you get there and the reunion is spectacular and you swear she is the greatest thing that ever happened to you.

Until that first night when she drives you crazy and you get in a fight and she has an ecstasy-fueled threesome with a couple of German Tourists. And blames it on you. And then you have make-up sex and it's all good again until the next time she drives you insane. You swear you'll leave, but you know you can't. She's too hot and the sex is too good. Yeah, you get a little jealous when you see the douchebags from Long Island come down and fuck your city raw for three days and not have to stick around and deal with the crazy aftermath. But in the back of your mind you tell yourself you're getting to hit that every night so you'll deal with it.

I tried leaving her once. I was 23 and wanted a more relaxing life. But the longer I was away the more I thought that she was the kind if city I belonged with. After two years I took her back with open arms, admitting that she was flawed but I loved her in spite of it. Since then she has given me unwavering highs and debilitating lows, but this time around I knew what I was in for. Another friend of mine also tried to leave her after being with her since Middle School, but after three years he too came back. "Yeah," he told me recently, "not only did I take her back but now I'm living with her fucking parents."

A day will come when I decide that I want more out of life than fun and adventure. When Miami's moral corruption, personal volatility and drug-induced insanity will become too much for my old bones. And I'll move to a nice, smart, personable city like Sacramento or Raleigh. The kind of city you marry. But for now, well, for now I am young and single and void of any significant responsibility. So what I need is a city that will fuck me senseless and make me insane. I love you Miami, you crazy, crazy bitch. You will always hold a special place in my heart as the passion of my youth.