Monday, January 22, 2007

Words Cannot Fully Express My Unmititgated Glee That Tom Brady was Finally Exposed as The Overrated Choke Job Fraud That He Is

But I’m going to try anyway.

Reggie Wayne tried to do it, Tom Brady. He really really tried. He tried to give you your traditional, fourth-quarter tuck rule, kickoff out-of-bounds, fumbled interception bail out that you always get. He fumbled the ball up in the air, and as he looked at it he thought “Wait a minute..I’m from Miami. Apparently the only city that knows this guy is the most overrated professional athlete since John Starks. The only city where we know Tom Brady is an above-average quarterback at best since that is exactly how he plays every time our team faces him. I can’t let this happen. I won’t” And Reggie Wayne’s Hurricane pride showed through as he grabbed the ball away from two New England Patriots and saved us from two weeks of Brady fallatio.

We all knew your luck would run our eventually, Tom. You’re in the same league as Montana and Elway? Really? Well, here was your chance to engineer a playoff-winning drive that made you actually score a touchdown instead of getting the ball thirty yards from the end zone. Here was your chance for a play labeled “The Catch” or “The Drive” or even an unnamed touchdown to John Taylor or spinning touchdown run against the Packers. Here was your chance to shut all the assholes like me up who say you’ve never done much without the help of your kicker and the rest of your team. And what did you do? Exactly what you did last week: Threw the ball to the other team. Only this time the DB was smart enough to fall on his ass, not wanting to hear about you for the next seven months.

Let me make something clear, Tom Brady: You are a Tuck Rule away form never winning that first Super Bowl and probably being benched for Drew Bledsoe. You are Adam Vinatieri’s foot away from possibly losing two Super Bowls. If that guy couldn’t kick in the snow, you’re Tony Romo. You have been exposed as exactly what you are: A guy who can get his team into field goal range. Hall of Fame indeed.

Super Bowls, you say? Brad Johnson won a Super Bowl. So did Jeff Hostetler. So did Trent Dilfer. No one is talking about them as top 5 all time. The great ones don’t do what Tom Brady did yesterday. And they certainly don’t do it two weeks in a row. The good ones do, and that is what you are, Tommy, good. Good like Phil Simms was good, good like Roger Staubach was good, good like Jim Kelley was good (and if he had Vinatieri instead of Scott Norwood you probably wouldn’t be mentioned in the same breath as him either). Those guys are all hall of famers, but nobody is talking about them as the best of all time. And thanks to a lot of other people, I guess that is the caliber of quarterback he is. But do not ever, ever think of yourself in the same league as Montana, Elway, Marino, Bart Starr, Johnny Unitas, or even Steve Young, Tom Brady. You couldn’t carry those guys’ hip pads.

You know who has to smiling big right now? Adam Vinatieri. You know him, he’s the guy responsible for winning two of the Patriots’ Super Bowls and getting them there the first time. Belichick and Brady you say? How many championships have they won without their hall-of-fame kicker? If I’m Adam, I’m laughing my ass off right now. Tom Brady should cut that guy half of every endorsement check he gets and let him fuck every single supermodel and actress he dates. Because without him, Tom Brady is probably wasting away as a backup in Arizona or Atlanta or Barcelona right now.

Good night, Tom Brady. You have been exposed. Go down to that second tier where you belong with Matt Hasselbeck and Philip Rivers. Leave the adoration to the guys who actually play the position at the top of their profession like Peyton and Carson Palmer. You are in the top ten in the league right now. You aren’t bad. But you’re not great either. Enjoy the off-season Tom. I’m sure I'll see you at one of those Super Bowl parties with all the other people NOT playing for a championship.

Oh...And as For My Thoughts on the NFC Chamionship:


At 7:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That final picture is bloodcurdlingly awesome.

At 8:07 PM, Anonymous J said...

The Drive? Great clutch performance. Took 5:32 to execute.

The Catch? Made with 51 sec remaining on the clock. Dallas had a shot still...

Basically what I am trying to say is that its not a choke job if you can't lead a 60 sec game-winning touchdown drive in the playoffs...namely b/c its never been done before.

You don't listen to reason on this, so i don't even know why I try. The guy is certainly more celebrated than is necessary, but b/c he cannot win 100% of games in dramatic historic fashion is no reason to hate.

How many qb's have 3 SB rings?

At 8:59 PM, Blogger Malt Licker said...

This post demonstrates you know absolutely nothing about football...which is not surprising if you are a Dolphins fan.

At 10:17 PM, Blogger Jada said...

Da Bears.

At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom Brady is still the hottness. He's such a beautiful man and my eyes will miss him during the Super Bowl.
I'm so routing for the Bears. Fuck the Colts.

At 9:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could not have said it better myself. Fuck. Tom. Brady.

At 11:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

NIce to see your blog is now sponsored by Haterade...

Brady is a sick QB, nuff said. They lost because everyone is on Indy's dick this year thanks to Manning being on the tv screen every .7 seconds. The non-call on 3rd & 10 when Caldwell (yes, he sucks and dropped 2 wide open passes...) got MUGGED in the endzone cost them the game. They kicked a fg and Indy no huddled it for a td that won the game. If the ref removes his head from his ass (or Manning's crotch) and makes that call, the Pats get a TD and Indy ties at best. But, it didnt happen and it was a good game. Indy played tough and their D deserves a ton of credit. I didnt think the Pats would win, but I didnt think it would be that good of a game either.

Put it this way, at least if Indy wins the Super Bowl, you can be relieved that Dan Marino will still be known as the ONLY Best 2nd Place QB of all time.


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