Wednesday, January 31, 2007

You're Only as Hot As The Guys are Desperate

I have ranted before, although it was many years ago when none of you read this blog, about people who think they are hotter than they are. That whatever number on the vaunted 1-10 scale you give yourself in your head you should probably subtract 2 and that’s about where you are. While more and more guys are concerning themselves with their respective appearance, this really applies mostly to females. Because lord knows, they are the ones constantly trying to remind you how good looking they are.

While most girls of average appearance either accept the fact that they are average or surround themselves with belt contenders to look good by comparison, there is a particularly obnoxious breed of female who cannot accept the truth. This girl is typically slightly above-average in appearance, possibly due to some singular feature that gets overly complemented. This may be eyes, legs, hair or chest, but more often than not it is the ass. And these compliments typically lead this girl to somehow delude herself into thinking that she is on par with your typical dime pieces (thanks VK) that populate the VIP rooms during Super Bowl week.

These girls will not be able to get through five lines of conversation without mentioning the fact that they get hit on. Constantly. They complain about it ruining their night, but I guarantee if it stopped they would be crushed. Every guy in the room is trying to sleep with them, especially that guy over there who brushed past her saying “excuse me.” Yes, that one making out with the blonde in the corner. He was DEFINNTELY hitting on you. Oh, and you were late because a cop pulled you over for speeding but really just wanted your personal information? Hate to break it to you, but asking for your license and registration does not constitute asking you out. And I’m sure you weren’t breaking any traffic laws or anything. 21-year-old females always make the best drivers.

See, here’s the thing, these girls know, deep down, they are not all that hot. But they are still fuckable and therefore will garner some male attention, usually from guys looking for the easiest girl to take home. So these ladies take this as guys being “all over them, all the time” when, in fact, they are just seeking the easiest target in the room. Namely the not-so-hot girl with self-esteem issues. This then translates into her over-compensating for the lack of real attention she is getting, and telling every one of her friends how every guy in the bar wants to get with her. No, they don’t want to, they’re just willing to.

This girl populates most social circles and most of you know who she is. She is not the best-looking, or the smartest, or maybe even the sluttiest, but she is, quite possibly the most obnoxious. You’re not as hot as you’re trying to convince yourself you are, sweetheart. Give it up. When I see you at the Maxim party, I’ll believe it. Otherwise, stick to the Tavern at 3 AM and be grateful for what desperate attention you get.

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22 Comments:

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Right on the money. Don't forget to mention girl/guy ratio too.

We called the WMs in Oki "Okinawa 10s", because they were a plane ticket away from being ugly. The attitudes on those shebeasts were without compare, and some of them would extend to stay in Oki just because of all the attention (and dick) they were getting. WMs are a classy bunch.

 
At 11:29 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

"We called the WMs in Oki "Okinawa 10s", because they were a plane ticket away from being ugly."

My friends and I here in good ol C'Ville call those types of girls, "beauty mules." That's b/c although they're not as heinous as a sea donkey, they're still not that attractive. But what the hell, beauty is only a light switch and a few pitchers away.

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger Blind Mind said...

See, those girls are the best. They are the ones who have attitude but eventually lose it because they realize that, they too, just need to get laid. Those are the best ones to fuck and never call again, and the easiest at that. Oh, and Johnson is right... Plenty of beer and sex with no lights on, preferably at her place to prevent stalking.

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger Gland Jupiter said...

I found that this type to not be that good in bed - even when the rubber meets the road, they still think that one good feature is all they need. They never produce a memorable sexy time.

So you've got a great ass? So what? Lighten up, mellow out, do what you have to do to feel good about yourself, drop the act and you might get some more callbacks.

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Andy said...

Yeah, and these girls fall right in line with those that say "I give great head" and then end up really sucking at sucking. I hate that.

Or the girls say "well I've been told I'm attractive before" - by who? Your mom?

I tell everyone I'm a mean, ugly, asshole so people know what they're getting into. And if I turn out not to be, then it's a total score for them.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger Newt said...

Anyone asking you to discuss your own appearance ought to be kicked in the head anyway.. in my opinion.

For the record though... I know many many many more men than women who are always trying to remind everyone how hot they think they are.

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger Gland Jupiter said...

Newt,

I'm not disagreeing with you because I don't know if that's true or not - I wouldn't be surprised if we each think the other's group takes honors here, as how many times are you hitting on women and put in the situation to hear some of this stuff? By the way, if the answer is "frequently", can we hang out?

If what you say is true, there may, *may* be an allowable double standard here as men are still the pursuers the majority of the time. We're trying to sell: we have to talk up the product. You like bad boys? Then I'm fucking hell on wheels baby. You like the quite type? ___________ You like python cocks? Welcome to the jungle. Fucking A.

When you're the TARGET, don't tell me how great you are. I already see some redeeming quality about you or I wouldn't have bought you that $.25 beer in the used plastic cup. Like I think you're just drunk enough to believe my bullshit. But sweetheart, my bullshit makes me charming, yours guarantees that I'm already wondering where my night went wrong.

Went a little long and got a little preachy. Sorry about that.

 
At 2:57 PM, Anonymous cedar said...

I dunno. I agree with Newt on this one. All the women I know think they are way uglier/fatter than they really are. Whereas most of the men I know think they are at least a tic hotter than they really are.
But then again, I live in Seattle, not Miami, so I can't really comment on cultural trends there.

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger Paul said...

All the women I know think they are way uglier/fatter than they really are.

Ever consider that they might be fishing for compliments? Women need their friends' [verbal] approval and affirmation more than guys do, and what better way than to say [to their friends] "OMG im so fat lolz!" Guaranteed compliment. Hot girls know they're hot, even if they pretend they're not, especially if they whore it up on the weekends.

 
At 9:56 PM, Anonymous babygirl said...

Oh! So perfect! You've really hit the nail on the head with this one -- maybe it's the attitude that makes them so hideous? Not sure.

Maybe they're just not THAT PRETTY.

 
At 10:04 PM, Blogger the girl also blogs said...

So I know this girl who I think was beaten by the ugly stick from about 4th through 8th grade. While she's got "personality" (i.e. she's loud and talkative and knows three things about sports), I find it amazing that she manages to take home all these cute guys all the time. So you're telling me it's because she's the easiest target and all the guys are just lazy? Seriously, I want to know. This situation has stumped me for YEARS.

 
At 10:30 PM, Blogger Johnny said...

Plenty girls have bad attitudes, whether they are hot or not. But yeah, obviously, guys will lower their standards throughout the night if things aren't working with the hot chicks. So an ugly girl who brings home "lots of cute guys" is just an easy target, and basically a cum dumpster. I bet these "cute guys" NEVER call back.

 
At 11:57 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Did your friend ever think it was odd that she hooked up with "cure guys" 10 minutes before the bar closed?

"There was, like, instant chemistry!"

A girl's attractiveness raises proportiantely to how little effort a guy has to put in.

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger ANON1 said...

I will see some pretty hot girls at the SUPERBOWL because that is where I will be live on Sunday!

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger Blind Mind said...

TGAB - your friend is probably a 2@10/10@2. Meaning, she is a 2 @ 10pm when guys are sober and a 10 @ 2am when theyre hammered and looking for something moist n wet.

Anon - I gave up tix to the game when the Pats lost. It should be a good game but I think the Colts are gonna dominate. Id like to see Chicago win too though cuz I like people from Chicago. They will give all the loser wanna-be fans from Miami a good taste of what tailgating really is.

 
At 12:39 PM, Blogger ジェネヴィーヴ said...

That whatever number on the vaunted 1-10 scale you give yourself in your head you should probably subtract 2 and that’s about where you are.

So, if I give myself say a 5 does this mean I'm really 3? I'm so sad now.

You ruined my day, White Dade. Die in a fire.


& just because a girl has low self- esteem doesn't mean she'll sleep with anyone or thinks guys are always hitting on her. :\
In fact, that doesn't make any sense to me.

 
At 1:56 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

"They will give all the loser wanna-be fans from Miami a good taste of what tailgating really is."

They banned tailgating at Pro Player for the Super Bowl. I think that safety concerns were cited as the primary reason but still pretty lame if you ask me.

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Blind Mind said...

WOW, that is just plain un-American. No wonder it happened in Miami...

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger Newt said...

By the way, if the answer is "frequently", can we hang out?

Heh. I think I will leave you guessing there. ;-)

I know what I got from guys when I was getting hit on... after awhile, you know if they actually spend time on me... depends. I do get a lot of "You're not like other girls" and I never really know how to take that.

I won't tell you what happens when girls hit on me.

men are still the pursuers the majority of the time. We're trying to sell: we have to talk up the product.

What if I'm pursuing? Don't I need to do the same thing?

But sweetheart, my bullshit makes me charming, yours guarantees that I'm already wondering where my night went wrong.

I submit that no one's bullshit is charming. Just to be a pain... AND because I don't like bullshit. ;-)

Ever consider that they might be fishing for compliments?

I say this without any guilt or feelings that I've sold out my sisters... but paul is dead right. The majority of women who advertise that they think they just ain't that hot ARE fishing. I suppose ALL women might feel like that now and then, but the bright one's keep it to themselves.

I also have one of those friends who just didn't age well. She's huge.. both tall and fat. She doesn't wash often. Yikes... the works here. She is a friend of my mom's. Anyway... she's as appealing as a cat's ass, yet she always has 3 or 4 men going. Boggles the mind it does.

Also.. if any of you ever see me rating myself.. please just kill me. I'd deserve it.

 
At 3:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to agree with the other girls here - I hear guys bragging much more often about their attributes (particularly on websites like this) and putting girls down. It is so NOT attractive in either sex.

Let's face it - whichever gender you are, you've had your share of bad dating experiences, so you are always going to think your gender has it worse.

Luckily there are some nice guys and girls out there who focus on becoming better people and don't rest on their perceived attractiveness.

Like everything else, if you want to be with someone nice who is not full of herself, you have to become that kind of person as well.

 
At 6:33 PM, Blogger Johnny said...

The lamest thing is when a guy brags about his looks. Real men don't give a shit what they look like, or at least hide that they do.

Newt - some guys will lay almost ANYTHING. I've never been like that; I'd rather go home alone than be disgusted with myself.

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger Newt said...

We all find somethin different attractive. I get that part. You would think that anyone would have some measure of... hell I dunno.

I'm all for one-nighters.. getting laid.. yada yada, but I have to be attracted. I'm not going home with any beasts.

 

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