Ballard High School Just Writes the Jokes For Me
So for those who don’t know I’m back in Seattle for a week. I thought about changing the name of the blog to "White King" for the time I’m here, but then realized that name might be just a liiiiitle too suggestive for a site that is already not exactly a bastion of political correctness. At any rate, I went a few nights ago to my old High School’s basketball game against North-End rival Ballard. On the way to the game I learned something very interesting about Ballard High School: Apparently this fall they had to have an assembly to address a very pressing issue that was affecting a large segment of the student body. Smoking? Alocohol? Dare I say drugs? No, no, apparently the good folks over at BHS were concerned because a good number of their students were contracting Chlamydia.
And do you know who these students were? No, no, not the athletes or the druggies or minorities bussed in from what’s left of the bad parts of town. Nor was it any other group you would suspect engaging in lots of chlamydia-creating behaviors. It was, in fact, the entire SOPHOMORE class. That’s right, the sophomores. These kids are getting VD before they are getting their driver’s licenses. That speaks volumes for the effectiveness of the Seattle Public School’s Sex Education program, doesn’t it? And where were all these disease-infested trollops when I was in High School? I couldn’t even get to first base at 15, much less contract a venereal disease. What the Hell happened to these kids? Not only are they having sex at 14 or 15, but they’re having enough sex that there is a Chlamydia outbreak? I mean, you gotta have a lot of people fucking a lot of people for that to happen. At 15. Goddam. I missed out.
But you know what’s even funnier? Guess what the Ballard mascot is? The Beaver. That’s right, the Beavers have chlamydia. Perhaps a mascot change is in order. Dirty Beavers? Burning Beavers? Clear Discharging Beavers? Disease-Infested Beavers? Any way you cut it it’s a hell of a lot scarier that a furry critter who builds dams, that’s for sure. All I know is that my High School mascot, the Roughriders, doesn’t have a problem with STD’s. And we won the game. I was hoping the Seattle Times would run a story on this with a headline that read "Beavers get Chlamydia, Roughriders Stay Protected." But I guess they just aren’t as clever, or as sophomoric, as myself.