Monday, February 05, 2007

Being a 6 And a Half Does Not rate You Super Bowl Tickets

I hate to hate on my boy here, but this just needs to be said. Sarah Spain: GET OVER YOURSELF! No idea who Sarah Spain is? Good for you, I'm jealous. Maybe she just made a bad impression on me, but let me lay out the facts for you here then you can judge for yourself…….

Miss Spain put an ad on eBay for herself saying that she was looking for a date to the Super bowl since she is a big Chicago Bears fan. Now, I'll accept the big Bears fan part, as I have been not-so-subtlety corrected in assuming other girls who claimed to be big sports fans in fact, were. But my problem lies herein: Sarah did not actually have tickets for the game. Like she put herself up on eBay saying "Hey, if you have tickets to the game you can go with me. Because I'm hot." Basically. Let's flashback to June 2006 for a second here: Remember my boy Graig (if you forgot you can just look at my Avatar) who had an extra ticket to the NBA Finals and took his Ex-girlfriend? Remember the outrage it caused? Now lets take that outrage, and raise it to a power of about nine.

So you have an extra Super Bowl ticket. And you are a Bears fan (not a team with a wishy-washy following like the Seahawks or Jaguars, but die-hard, blue-collar, use-my-welfare-checks-for-season-tickets fans) and your boys and your dad and your brother and your insurance agent are all die-hard fans too. Do you take your best friend who made you best man at his wedding? Or do you take your other friend who hooked you up with front-row seats for that Bon Jovi show a couple years back? Or maybe even your brother, so as not to cause any jealousy among friends. No, no, none of them. I'm going to take a strange girl from LA I've never met who advertised herself on eBay. "Sorry, Dad. I know you taught me how to throw a football and how to be a man and all, but this chick is REALLY hot!" I guarantee your father's next call is to his attorney effectively removing you from his will. Brother, I hope she fucks well.

Did logic just escape Sarah Spain for a minute? Did she really think she was soooo hot that some guy would actually use what is the Holy Grail of sports tickets to take you? Most guys I know would quit their job and push their grandmother out of the way for Super Bowl tickets, and you think someone is just going to hand one to you for being a solid six and a half? Did I mention she was from LA? Shocking, I know.

Well, luckily for Sarah, the good and stupid people at Axe Body Spray got a hold of her little attempt at scoring SB XLI tickets and decided to make her famous. Or, at leat, Internet Famous for about two weeks. They created a contest whereas men could write in and tell her why she should take them as her date to the game. Yes, Axe apparently gave her a couple of their seats to the Super Bowl, no doubt pissing off their sales guy who busted his ass all year with the promise of that as an incentive. Who instead probably got a weekend for two somewhere near Laughlin, Nevada. At any rate, among the finalists for this award was a friend of mine who was down here for the weekend.

And so it was after drinking free and eating Chips Ahoy! for 5 hours at the Penthouse Party, the Level Vodka started talking for my friend and he decided he wanted to go and meet up with Sarah. And where would such a smoking hot internet pseudo-celebrity be on the night before the Super Bowl? Obviously, she was way too cool for (aka "couldn't get into") the Penthouse party, so she must be somewhere else fabulous. Sin? Opium? Mynt? No, no, she was at a place far more exclusive than those. She was at Sandbar in the Grove.

Yes, Sandbar. So we drive, hammered, from the Beach to the Grove and meet her outside Sandbar, complete with entourage of equally think-they're-hotter-than-they-are LA girls and the dude who won the contest. Apparently my boy had lost out to a guy who was much taller, more of a Bears fan and, oh, yeah, more of a Med Student. Did I mention Sarah was from LA? The bar was closing as we waited and two drunk, mediocre girls were leaving and grabbed us saying "Hey, come to Flavour with us." Which of course we did not as my friend was trying to meet this bastion of humility, Sarah Spain. Predictably when she did come outside the Med Student (who insisted he was NOT a child molester) is all hands over this Sarah girl, who, I reiterate, was about a solid 6 and a half.

I immediately decided her and her friends were a colossal waste of my time and began to hurl insults in their direction. I think they were too drunk to notice, but there are few greater things than ripping on a girl who has been getting her ass kissed all night. After about five minutes of her apologizing for "bad timing" Sarah promptly got in her stretch limo with all her suupercool Axe buddies and we were left on a corner in Coconut Grove. "Wanna go find those easy chicks at Flavour?" I asked. It was my turn to drag him somewhere and he grudgingly obliged.

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At 4:22 PM, Blogger Gland Jupiter said...

So WD, do you already have plans to cook out with her father?

At 7:57 PM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

One of your best posts!!! I can't believe she got free tickets.

At 8:43 PM, Blogger The T Bag said...

Soft, chewy Chips Ahoy are too fucking delicious. How the hell can you leave a party with free chips ahoy? no matter what!!

At 9:44 AM, Blogger Virgle Kent said...

Damn it Dade we always pass up the uncertain wanna be dime Pieces for the sure easy thing.

Don't make rookie mistakes like this again. I thought you knew this from your post on hooking up with fat girls.

Don't be suprised if I have to use this post as an example of why I go after 6's and 7's

You've been warned

At 2:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wouldn't give her a Super Bowl ticket, but she's hot. You are definitely gay.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Captain Caveman said...

For the record, meeting up was Sarah's idea. And the Penthouse party was a sausage fest. And she didn't mention her date was in tow.

Ah, well. I can't defend my actions. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

At 4:34 PM, Blogger MonkeyPants said...

Wait... she's only a 6 and a 1/2??? I mean, I thought I had a fair idea of who were pretty girls and who weren't, but she looks pretty good to me. I'd have given her an 8 -- that rack makes some points, right?

Whew... you wrote about how one should subtract 2 points for however "hot" one thinks they are. I think I need to double that if she's only a 6.5... Can one be rated negative numbers? Or maybe you've just been around South Beach too long.

Either that or she's not fairly represented by her photos. eeeek.

And if she was a 9 or 10 would it be okay that she did this?

Oh and lastly... SWEATY FISH!

At 6:04 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

GJ - Yeah. He's buring a opy of Jackass 2 for me as we speak.

Angel - thank oyu. Unbleievable, isn't it?

T Bag - They weren't the Chewy Ships ahoy. If they were I would have told my boy to take a cab.

VK - Wasn't me who went after her, Guy. And this broad was a six and a half anyway.

Anon - I;ve seen her i person. NOt so hot.

CC - So did driving drunk to Coconut Grove. What can I say?

Mo - Sweaty fish. Sweaty fish indeed. As I said, in person she is not so hot as in the pictures. At least that was my perception. I was sadly disappointed.

At 7:04 PM, Blogger Eric Frost said...

great story.

At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Went to college with her....not that hot, and kind of a giant too

At 10:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The pic of her in the brown shirt at the top, is a no higher than a 5.875

At 12:34 PM, Blogger 3000 said...

I'd give that broad a solid six and a half. (How has that joke not been made yet? Too easy?)

At 1:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

6 and a half? i'd like to see the ass that you are rolling in. or maybe you are just jealous of her.

At 1:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

at least she was at sandbar... i can just picture her stupid axe limo in front of tavern.

At 3:23 AM, Blogger Brian said...

I was in the grove that night at sandbar (i was in town from NYC, and yes, we were only in the grove because my hosts were waaaay too lame to get in anywhere in sobe).

I met this Axe crew there around 2 and truth be told, Sarah didn't jump out at me at all - regardless of her giant mellons. Her little blonde friend Kelly did jump out, however, which is why I was pleased to get a text from her at 4:30 am...

Driving drunk from sobe may have been dumb but it beats taking an 80$ cab to the Hard Rock casino (where they were staying -- and where anna nicole died today) to bone at 6 am.

I woke up next to Kelly to Sarah's man voice (Sarah is at least 5'10") at 9:15, buck necked (thankfully Alan managed to stay in the other bed with pancake tits and her busted friend). Needless to say, they were wondering when I showed up (and why I was still there).

Alan was a nice enough guy but the girls all seemed pretty lost.

I didn't even have to chew my arm off to escape. Kelly was gracious -- she'd done this before -- and was kind enough to skip the BS niceties.

I had no idea that they were affiliated with any of this business until today when her ebay stunt came up in conversation at work.

It was a strange weekend and this caps it off nicely.

At 9:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your story.
But you'd better take a look here to find a really DIFFERENT dating site.
Looks amazing, agree? :-)
You can also find my pics and more about me on my page
Read more about me or drop me a message from there.

At 12:00 PM, Blogger Brian said...

Sales pitches work much better when you spell the salutation correctly. Chao? WTF? Is that the pan-asian version of ciao?

Sounds tasty.

At 1:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Spain happens to be pretty intelligent and well educated. But no, the author didn't bother to educate himself about her before declaring her ugly, dumb, and egotistic.

I've had a chance to talk to her briefly, and she's been very polite and thankful for help I lent her. To me, when you add up her education and interest in matters of philosophy and love, her enthusiasm for life, and her amazing beauty, which could only rank 6.5 on the scale of someone desperately wanting attention, she turns out to be absolutely incredible.

But of course, the author didn't bother to take her seriously. Like the many other morons out there, he assumed first, and didn't do much after that, other than insult her.

Smell ya later.

At 10:21 AM, Blogger Geet Kumar said...

प्रेम के अनमोल क्षण-1 ( Prem Ke Anmol Khyan -1)
प्रेम के अनमोल क्षण-2 (Prem Ke Anmol Khyan - 2)

अब मैं तुम्हारी हो गई-2 (Ab Mein Tumhari Ho Gayi -2)

फरेज़ को पता है (Pharenj Ko Pata He)

कुड़ी पतंग हो गई (Kudi Patanga Ho Gayi)

एक जल्दी वाला राउंड (Ek Jaldi Bala Round)

Komal ki Komal Aur Reshma ki Reshmi Chut

Ek Doctor Hi Ye Samaz Sakta Hai

Pati Ke Batije Aur Ek Punjabi Loure Se Chudwaya

Apney Customer Ki Biwi Ki Mast Chudai

Kaise Main Ek Raat Mai Ek Shareef Ladki Se Randi Bani

Maa Ke Saath Anokha Maza Bade Pyar Se
Mast Makan Malkin Ki Chudai

Meri Chudai Nanhe Se Bhai Ke Sath

Chacheri Bahen Ke Sone Ke Bad Nanga Karke Sab Kuch Dekha

डांस बार में एक रात (Dus Bar Main Ek Raat)

एक शाम अनजान हसीना के नाम

हरीयालो देवरियो (HarYalo Dewariyo)

मस्त जिंदगी का अहसास-2

मस्त जिंदगी का अहसास-1

अपनी बाबू की सील तोड़ी (Aapni Babu Ki Seal Todi)

विधवा की चुदाई की प्यास (Bidhwa Ki Chudai Ki Pyas)

भाभी को दिखाई नई ब्लू फिल्म (Bhabhi Ko Dekhai Nai Blue Film)

मामी ने दिखाया स्वर्ग का दरवाजा (Mammi Ne Dikhaya Swarga Ka Darwaja)

बस में मिले लड़के से चूत मरवाई(Bus Main Mili Ladke Se Chut Marwai)

बाथरूम में पंजाबन कुड़ी की चुदाई(Bathroom Main Punjab Kudi Ki Chudai)

चूत मेरी बड़ी प्यासी हैं(Chut Meri Bdi Pyasi)

At 3:45 PM, Blogger matthew blosser said...

Do your homework. She's not from LA. She's from Chicago dummy. Just lived in LA

At 6:33 PM, Blogger John Smith said...

Gotta say, you come off like an uneducated, chauvinistic prick. Ranking her on her looks and the fact that she got super bowl tickets?? Can you, jealousy? Did u go to the super bowl? How hot is your gf? Oh, you don't have one? I wonder why??? And oh yeah, she's not from LA ya dummy, do your homework before you write an article...


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