Being a 6 And a Half Does Not rate You Super Bowl Tickets
I hate to hate on my boy here, but this just needs to be said. Sarah Spain: GET OVER YOURSELF! No idea who Sarah Spain is? Good for you, I'm jealous. Maybe she just made a bad impression on me, but let me lay out the facts for you here then you can judge for yourself…….
Miss Spain put an ad on eBay for herself saying that she was looking for a date to the Super bowl since she is a big Chicago Bears fan. Now, I'll accept the big Bears fan part, as I have been not-so-subtlety corrected in assuming other girls who claimed to be big sports fans in fact, were. But my problem lies herein: Sarah did not actually have tickets for the game. Like she put herself up on eBay saying "Hey, if you have tickets to the game you can go with me. Because I'm hot." Basically. Let's flashback to June 2006 for a second here: Remember my boy Graig (if you forgot you can just look at my Avatar) who had an extra ticket to the NBA Finals and took his Ex-girlfriend? Remember the outrage it caused? Now lets take that outrage, and raise it to a power of about nine.
So you have an extra Super Bowl ticket. And you are a Bears fan (not a team with a wishy-washy following like the Seahawks or Jaguars, but die-hard, blue-collar, use-my-welfare-checks-for
Did logic just escape Sarah Spain for a minute? Did she really think she was soooo hot that some guy would actually use what is the Holy Grail of sports tickets to take you? Most guys I know would quit their job and push their grandmother out of the way for Super Bowl tickets, and you think someone is just going to hand one to you for being a solid six and a half? Did I mention she was from LA? Shocking, I know.
Well, luckily for Sarah, the good and stupid people at Axe Body Spray got a hold of her little attempt at scoring SB XLI tickets and decided to make her famous. Or, at leat, Internet Famous for about two weeks. They created a contest whereas men could write in and tell her why she should take them as her date to the game. Yes, Axe apparently gave her a couple of their seats to the Super Bowl, no doubt pissing off their sales guy who busted his ass all year with the promise of that as an incentive. Who instead probably got a weekend for two somewhere near Laughlin, Nevada. At any rate, among the finalists for this award was a friend of mine who was down here for the weekend.
And so it was after drinking free and eating Chips Ahoy! for 5 hours at the Penthouse Party, the Level Vodka started talking for my friend and he decided he wanted to go and meet up with Sarah. And where would such a smoking hot internet pseudo-celebrity be on the night before the Super Bowl? Obviously, she was way too cool for (aka "couldn't get into") the Penthouse party, so she must be somewhere else fabulous. Sin? Opium? Mynt? No, no, she was at a place far more exclusive than those. She was at Sandbar in the Grove.
Yes, Sandbar. So we drive, hammered, from the Beach to the Grove and meet her outside Sandbar, complete with entourage of equally think-they're-hotter-than-they-are LA girls and the dude who won the contest. Apparently my boy had lost out to a guy who was much taller, more of a Bears fan and, oh, yeah, more of a Med Student. Did I mention Sarah was from LA? The bar was closing as we waited and two drunk, mediocre girls were leaving and grabbed us saying "Hey, come to Flavour with us." Which of course we did not as my friend was trying to meet this bastion of humility, Sarah Spain. Predictably when she did come outside the Med Student (who insisted he was NOT a child molester) is all hands over this Sarah girl, who, I reiterate, was about a solid 6 and a half.
I immediately decided her and her friends were a colossal waste of my time and began to hurl insults in their direction. I think they were too drunk to notice, but there are few greater things than ripping on a girl who has been getting her ass kissed all night. After about five minutes of her apologizing for "bad timing" Sarah promptly got in her stretch limo with all her suupercool Axe buddies and we were left on a corner in Coconut Grove. "Wanna go find those easy chicks at Flavour?" I asked. It was my turn to drag him somewhere and he grudgingly obliged.