Thursday, February 15, 2007

It's Hard to Be FaKe When You Act Like You Hate Everybody

A lot of people, I'm not exactly sure how they are, but a lot of people have a lot to complain about when it comes to Miami. "Oh, the traffic! Oh, the Spanish! Oh, the humidity! Waaa! My roof still isn't fixed! Waaa! My insurance is too high! Waaa! The Drivers suck." You get it. And while I agree wholeheartedly with most of the complaints I hear about life in Dade County, there is one that I have come to realize is highly misguided: People seem to think that people in Miami are fake.

Let me tell you something, you can say a lot of negative things about the residents of the Magic City. You can say we are stupid, you can say we can't drive, you can say we are rude, inconsiderate, shallow and arrogant. But fake, well, fake is just not one of them. People here basically treat each other like they were their worst enemies. Like nobody here really likes anyone else in the city. But you know what? We're never afraid to say it. We don't play nice to your face then stab you behind your back. We simply walk up and stab you in your face. Because that is the Miami way.

I think because of our weather and beautiful people we often get confused with LA. Now THERE is a city full of fake people. Of course, what do expect in a town whose dominant industry is basically make-believe. Everyone is trying to get something from someone else and so they pretend to be someone they are not in order to get ahead. Reason #894 why LA is the worst place in America to live. But Miami? No one here really gives a fuck what anyone else thinks, because we all think we are better than everybody else. Sound familiar? Yes, New Yorkers, we are a lot like you.

Now, unlike New Yorkers we don't go to your city and tell you why Miami is so much better. Basically because most of us know this town is a shithole wearing a lot of makeup and can't really say much. But we also don't take a lot of shit from anyone, especially New Yorkers. It may be a combination of the large amount of transplants from the northeast, another region known for being bluntly rude. It may also be the teeming Latin Machismo that will never let a man show deference to another man no matter how foolish it may seem. But at the end of the day, people here are anything but fake. If anything, they are a little too real.

Granted, we have our share of douchbags who live at home and drive $40,000 cars. Leased, of course. And I'm sure we are up there with Orange County in leading the nation in Credit Card Millionaires. But I think you get that in any city, and that's not really being "fake" either. What you are saying when you do that is "I value having a nice car over my independence, and I am okay with that." You know who the only fake people are in Miami? The tourists. They are the ones desperately trying to get into high-end clubs by pretending they are more important than they are. They are the ones renting Ferrari's and $4 million condos for the weekend to try and sleep with some South Beach model. The locals? We don't give a shit. Most of us either know someone at the door or go wherever the open bar is. If not, we are content to spend the night at dive bars. Since we don't have to impress anyone.

So say what you will about the good people of Dade County, but one thing we are not is fake. Superficial? Sure. Shallow? Yeah, probably. Rude and inconsiderate? Fucking Goddam Right. But we are upfront and honest about our flaws. And if you are going to be a lousy person, well, at least it is best to let everyone know off the bat.



At 8:36 PM, Blogger aikin said...

the reason I refer to people here as "fake" is precisely for the reasons you list that they're not: the superficiality, the pretense, and the "credit card millionaires."

To me, that's fake. That's people trying to be something they're not. Maybe it's not fake per se to be shallow, but it's fake if you're shallow and try to act like you're not. And what club bunny is going to admit she's a gold-digging phony?

I got love for ya, WD, but I gotta disagree with you on this one! This city is chock full 'o' phonies.

At 9:13 AM, Blogger Blind Mind said...

I agree with Aiken. People here are fake and dont give a shit about anyone but themselves. Ask fo help and everyone will be happy to oblige, that is, until it actually becomes time to actually GIVE assistance. Then they find a way to back out. Its their way of feeling good for a moment. Like Aiken said, people here try to be something that they are not. Ive never seen so many people living way outside their means.

I think you take the good with the bad. The thing I like least about this city is the people, but they are nowhere near as bad as the people from NYC. Ive been fortunate to find a nice handful or 2 of good friends in the 6 years Ive been here, so I guess Im satisfied with that.

At 11:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We Miamians (and Dade Countians) are "fake." Now obviously "fake" is a highly ambiguous and subjective term that lends itself to multiple interpretations.
Nevertheless, one could point to the fact that we don't support our local sports teams unless they are in the finals as an indicator of our "fakeness."
Or that we don't actually produce anything here in S. Florida. We are a service industry economy and that by definition lends itself to us being of the "fake" mind an impression that we're something that we're really not.
I could be wrong though...

At 12:03 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

Holy empanada, people are bitter.

At 1:09 PM, Anonymous Gatsby Girl said...

I think you can safely say that the majority of major cities have an equal share of Social X Rays. All that is different is the scenery. But I love this post, it made me laugh. Nice going WD

At 2:23 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

People suck no matter where you go. To quote Dr. Cox, “People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling on the inside." People in Miami suck, are hateful and much of the city is a dump but I agree with WD, at least they’re pretty much upfront about it.

At 3:02 PM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

Good post!! Made me think of that commercial for "Real Housewives of Orange County" is that the name of the show?--with the slogan "Where the bodies are fake but the diamonds are real".

It would be nice to live in a city where people are upfront about their feelings.

At 9:59 PM, Anonymous Dianne said...

I'm a Miami native living in The Netherlands and I nearly pissed myself reading that then called in my boyfriend who has always wondered if it may be brain dammage that causes me to be so in your face about shit and he nearly fainted then said "Wow! There's a whole city of you bitches out there".

I think alot of people who call Miami a city of fakes don't get that most of the fakes that live in our city are transplants or the chirldren of transplants who just just don't have the true Miami attitude in their genes.

Most of us crackers ( if ya don't know what the term means look it the fuck up: Florida cracker) are quite simply honest about stuff and perhaps none too polite about it. We make no appologies about what we are, how we feel or the shit that just pops out of our mouths.

Yes, we have a more than our fair share of idiots running around tryin to look good and give the impression they've got somethin' they haven't but about half the people in the country are living above thier means so nothing special there. And remember this is a glamoriffic town where the beautiful people go to see and be seen ... the local gold diggers looking to hook a wealthy tourist, well off transplant or a student with daddys credit cards and a decent living allowance need to put on a frount so their targets actually take notice of them. Heck, I remember being tempted to pretend to be more than I was as a kid just to keep those fuckers from looking down their noses at me as if I were some lower life form (oh yes, the joys of being a teen in the 80's as materialisim and having the right names stitched on your ass became the most important issues in a teenagers life and having blue collar parents).

The true Miami folk (those of us with families that date back to the 19th century) I know all have the same general fucked up attitude that people from other cultures just don't get.We do have maners when needed but We don't have time to play at being polite when annoyed. We say what we gotta say, do what we gotta do and move on with life regardless of how rude people may think it is of us to be that way. And we will not hesitate to take a 2x4 ( or anything else at hand) to your skull if you give us cause to think it may help solve your freaking problem or make us feel better about dealing with you. It's just the way we are.
I personally see it as being quite real perhaps too real for some to handle but that's their problem not mine.

At 9:50 PM, Blogger Stuck In Fla said...

Amen brother! Happy to find another white person in Dade.

At 8:17 PM, Anonymous Ellen said...

That post made me think. I don't know any "fakes" here in Miami, but I don't run around with players either. Lots of shitty drivers, people living beyond their means, general assholes, people who don't speak English, but fakes? Pretty short list of those, from my experience. Good post, pretty damn funny.


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