It's Hard to Be FaKe When You Act Like You Hate Everybody
A lot of people, I'm not exactly sure how they are, but a lot of people have a lot to complain about when it comes to Miami. "Oh, the traffic! Oh, the Spanish! Oh, the humidity! Waaa! My roof still isn't fixed! Waaa! My insurance is too high! Waaa! The Drivers suck." You get it. And while I agree wholeheartedly with most of the complaints I hear about life in Dade County, there is one that I have come to realize is highly misguided: People seem to think that people in Miami are fake.
Let me tell you something, you can say a lot of negative things about the residents of the Magic City. You can say we are stupid, you can say we can't drive, you can say we are rude, inconsiderate, shallow and arrogant. But fake, well, fake is just not one of them. People here basically treat each other like they were their worst enemies. Like nobody here really likes anyone else in the city. But you know what? We're never afraid to say it. We don't play nice to your face then stab you behind your back. We simply walk up and stab you in your face. Because that is the Miami way.
I think because of our weather and beautiful people we often get confused with LA. Now THERE is a city full of fake people. Of course, what do expect in a town whose dominant industry is basically make-believe. Everyone is trying to get something from someone else and so they pretend to be someone they are not in order to get ahead. Reason #894 why LA is the worst place in America to live. But Miami? No one here really gives a fuck what anyone else thinks, because we all think we are better than everybody else. Sound familiar? Yes, New Yorkers, we are a lot like you.
Now, unlike New Yorkers we don't go to your city and tell you why Miami is so much better. Basically because most of us know this town is a shithole wearing a lot of makeup and can't really say much. But we also don't take a lot of shit from anyone, especially New Yorkers. It may be a combination of the large amount of transplants from the northeast, another region known for being bluntly rude. It may also be the teeming Latin Machismo that will never let a man show deference to another man no matter how foolish it may seem. But at the end of the day, people here are anything but fake. If anything, they are a little too real.
Granted, we have our share of douchbags who live at home and drive $40,000 cars. Leased, of course. And I'm sure we are up there with Orange County in leading the nation in Credit Card Millionaires. But I think you get that in any city, and that's not really being "fake" either. What you are saying when you do that is "I value having a nice car over my independence, and I am okay with that." You know who the only fake people are in Miami? The tourists. They are the ones desperately trying to get into high-end clubs by pretending they are more important than they are. They are the ones renting Ferrari's and $4 million condos for the weekend to try and sleep with some South Beach model. The locals? We don't give a shit. Most of us either know someone at the door or go wherever the open bar is. If not, we are content to spend the night at dive bars. Since we don't have to impress anyone.
So say what you will about the good people of Dade County, but one thing we are not is fake. Superficial? Sure. Shallow? Yeah, probably. Rude and inconsiderate? Fucking Goddam Right. But we are upfront and honest about our flaws. And if you are going to be a lousy person, well, at least it is best to let everyone know off the bat.