Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Lawsuits, Softball, and Sexual Harassment from a 9 Year Old

Good afternoon. My name is Matt and I write a little blog called White Dade. Today, well, today is what I’m going to call a little blogging freestyle. Once upon a time, I was a halfway decent freestyle rapper. Anyone who knows me probably finds this vastly hilarious, but it was how I actually got to be friends with most of the black guys I met in the Marines and even earned some of their respect. One guy called me “Skittles” since Eminem was taken. I’m just gonna write what’s on my little brain today with no real continuation or reason.

Someone I wrote about is threatening to sue me now. I suppose I should not have used this person’s real name, picture and web link in a post, but hey, I guess hindsight is 20/20. This person called Miami Beach 411 twice looking for me, like I have some sort of office set up in Gus’ house or something. Seriously, why can’t everyone have the same sense of humor as Jenn Sterger? I think it is all taken care of now as I have taken down the offensive content, but should their attorney decide to pursue action, good luck finding me. The fucking mailman can’t even find my building half the time and I have never received a package I didn’t have to go and pick up at FedEx or UPS. I’ll even give you address if you ask. Good luck. There’s a reason I never get food delivered.

Girls should really never come to my neighborhood. Ever. This is not to say girls shouldn’t come home with me, but once inside they should never leave before the sun comes up. One girl left my apartment after an argument at 3 AM only to return 10 minutes later with a homeless crackhead in tow. It took her calling a male friend with a gun to come and threaten him with it to get him to leave. And after the girl and said gun-wielding friend left, the bum returned. I gave him half a handle of Walgreen’s Charcoal Filtered Vodka and I haven’t seen him since. Another girl once came to pick me up for a date. I wasn’t ready and as she waited outside with her windows down, two kids from next door, aged 7 and 9, approached her car and asked “Hey, wanna suck me dick?” She called and politely informed me she would circle the lock and to call when I was ready.

What kind of parents have boys that age who are that sexually inappropriate with women before age 10? You kids never seen a White Girl before? Seriously, I know you are growing up in Little Havana and all, but that is no reason to sexually harass the women I choose to have over. And if I’m not getting head from this girl, you’re chances aren’t looking too good either. Somehow, I don’t think this shit happens in Pinecrest. I’m guessing I should probably stop watching porn with the windows open in the middle of the day. Maybe they’re getting the wrong message.

The content of this blog has fallen off of late as the majority of my creative energies are being directed at shit I’m actually getting PAID for. I have some good ideas, but no time to write them as my allotted writing time is now on the clock. You can probably figure out where to find it. If you’re curious, send me an email. A lot of other exciting blog-related stuff is going on too, but I am not at liberty to discuss much of it at this point. I have several good post ideas in the works and will be getting to them shortly. Traffic is down. I’m guessing y’all are getting bored.

I got my first piece of hatemail in a while this weekend. I’m guessing it is stemming form the offensive post I mentioned in paragraph two. Either that or there are more people than I thought out there who love Mayo. And remember kids, you can’t spell “Mayo” without “Mao.”

I have abandoned kickball and have moved on to softball. Figured I may as well go out on top. That and my ex plays in that league and I really like to avoid ex’s if at all possible. Of course, as luck would have it, I am now working at the sponsoring bar for the league (shit, I just gave that process server more info than I should have!!) she is in. So, ex-girlfriend, if you are reading this take heed: I gave you the Grove, Little Havana is MINE.

I think its about time to end this little freestyle post. Thanks for listening. I’ll be back atchya tomorrow.

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At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

never have i EVER gotten bored reading one of your posts... in fact they may be the reason i'm able to sit at a desk for 8 hours.... can't wait for the new ideas.

At 12:52 PM, Blogger Boli-Nica said...

I hear u on content dropping off...I have stuff I get paid (and volunteer)to write, don't have the energy to put out my stuff...

At 1:34 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

Why was the chick waiting for you to get ready? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Also, I think my annual trip to watch a UM loss in the Orange Bowl is going to be for the Texas A&M game.

At 4:39 PM, Blogger angel, jr. said...

Your blog still has some influences. I now have given up mayo!!

At 11:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your life is turning into a Maury episode. I am waiting for the day that I see you on a "Who's the daddy?" episode.

At 1:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im waiting for the day I see you on "To Catch a Predator"....sinner


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