Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Like Being Back in High School

I hate to do this to you all, but I'm going to go soft on you again today....

Sometimes someone comes into your life at the precise right moment to affect you in very odd ways. Such is the case with Stacey the Budweiser Girl. Stacey checked into the hotel I work at (for those who don't know me I am now bartending instead of personal training. I have found destroying people's lives to be infinitely more fun than improving them) the same night I broke up with my now-ex. One event had absolutely nothing to do with the other, but the timing was impeccable. She came in with the rest of her promotional team, all extremely attractive girls staying at the Hotel for the month before the Super Bowl to promote AB products. And by promote, I mean go out and buy people beer. Rough life, right?

Anyway, I noticed her above any of the other girls in the group. While all attractive, some might even say "hot," she was beautiful. She looked like either Margot or Mariel Hemingway, depending on your generation, with a little bit of Julia Styles mixed in. Tall, blonde, but more importantly than that, she sat at the stool closest to where I was standing and gave me "the look." I cannot describe the look, but about two years ago it is something I started to notice. It is a look in a girl's eyes when she sees you that follows you around the room. It is the look that lets you know she is definitely interested, though she may not even know she is showing it. Guys know exactly what I am talking about. So I talked to her for the better part of an hour that night, more or less ignoring the rest of the group unless they needed something to drink.

And so it was I became single again that night for reasons I will not go into here, and so it was Stacey seemed to be at the bar every time she came into the hotel. She was always the first one down out of the group, and always had the most to say to me. We would talk, then she would have to work. Waitresses at the bar began to tell me they thought she liked me. Guests started to ask if we were dating. I would go to work hoping for the time she'd come downstairs, and if we had a good conversation that night I felt like it was a good work shift. Kind of like that cute girl who sat in front of you in History class. She became the part of work I looked forward to. But for the first couple of weeks we never saw each other outside the confines of the bar. Until one night when she came back alone from handing out free Budweiser's, and walked into the bar just as I was closing down. So I invited her out for a drink and she accepted.

But unlike so many other girls who come in at closing and come out with me after, I had no idea what to do with Stacey. I liked her. Not in a "I want to pound her from behind" sort of way but in a "I'd like to walk on the beach holding your hand" kind of way. And I couldn't make a move. We were finally alone, together, outside the bar and I couldn't even put a hand on her. All the one-night-stands, all the "game," all the strippers, everything I'd learned and red and experienced and written about, it all went out the window. It was like I was back in High School, with no idea how to make a move on a girl who obviously liked me.

I didn't really think about having sex with Stacey. I just wanted to get to first base, to know for sure that she liked me too. We went out subsequent times after work. She got me to go to a Gay bar and to Space after 5AM, both things nobody has been able to get me to do for years. I think I officially decided she was special when one night we went for pizza and she told the girl putting it in the oven "Hey, can I get that out soon so it doesn't get too hot." And here I thought I was the only person who did that. On the way across the street I almost stepped in front of a cab and she grabbed my hand to stop me. Our hands lingered for a minute, but neither one of us made that extreme step to hand-holding. Who the fuck was I? I've met girls and slept with them in under 2 hours before. What the fuck was happening to me? She did it again later, and again I could do nothing. Why was this so different, and why was it so hard? Who the fuck is this talking? It's definitely not me.

I took Stacey to hang out with my friends one night. One sent me a text message begging me to have sex with her because he couldn't. I am sorry I had to disappoint him. You see, much like in High School, this story has an unresolved ending. I saw Stacey on the street the night before the Super Bowl. She was drunk and wanted to know where I was going. I was with three other people, one of whom was on a mission to find Sarah Spain. And I couldn't let him go alone. I lingered there for a minute knowing this would be my last chance to see her, but sadly all I could say was "I'll call you tomorrow and see what you're doing." And so I did, and she was out on the beach with her Budweiser people and it was raining and I was in the Grove and I knew right then it just wasn't meant to be.

I never had a date in High School. Not because I wasn't popular, but because I was absolutely inept with women. Probably comes from being raised by a single mother. Over the years I learned what I could from experience and thought I had it all figured out. Until I met Stacey and suddenly I felt like I was 15 again, lying on the couch with a girl at 2 AM and not knowing what to do. Were there other girls while Stacey was here? Of course, but none of them gave the that feeling that she did. Perhaps it is best nothing happened, as she is now back in North Carolina and I stay behind in South Beach. I have never been a fan of distance, and I get the feeling any girl I can't figure out how to make a move on is somebody I would have a hard time watching leave. But it was good to know that even after everything I've experienced, the bad relationships, the depraved sex, the hardening and the jadedness, I can still feel like a kid with a High School Crush again. Maybe there is a little part of me that is still innocent.



At 9:29 PM, Blogger minijonb said...

I think you're holding back on us. You already have plans to see her back in North Carolina, don't you?

Enjoy your crush.

At 10:15 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

I knew that you weren't all hard and tough. It was nice to see the soft, mushy side of White Dade.

That being said, where did all the hard hitting, vitriolic posts go? What happened to the controversy? Did all of your haters turn into fans all of a sudden?

At 11:54 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

That's a great feeling to remember. I'm sorry you didn't get to hook up with the cool girl, but it's nice to be invested enough not to just play someone. It's sweet.

And this sounds like another piece of evidence that that Sarah Spain girl has caused a world of problems.

At 12:21 AM, Blogger Cliff said...


At 12:37 AM, Anonymous Johnson said...

All relationships start off great until she fucks a football team. Not that I'm commentating from experience or anything.

At 1:44 AM, Blogger Jessica said...

While I love your blog for your scathing posts (I've been reading for months now but this is my first time commenting), I must confess that the content of this post is one of things that makes me stop and think: so maybe there's hope after all. I feel a little less jaded knowing that even the guys who rampantly pursue/hook up with girls on a regular basis aren't entirely shallow. Thanks for sharing. And I agree with what you say- the feeling of truly and sincerely liking someone is so, so much more gratifying than the most sizzling hookup imagineable. Sometimes having just isn't nearly as satisfying as wanting. That's why sometimes, there's nothing more refreshing than being with someone who makes you feel like you're in high school again.

At 10:22 AM, Blogger Scrap said...

beautiful man, in a totally heterosexual way, of course

At 10:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you were holding back because you wanted to believe in the fantasy of the perfect girl, smushy love and all that.

You know that once you bang her and truly get to know her, reality sets in and she's just like any other.

At 10:45 AM, Blogger MonkeyPants said...


Was she one of the girls at brunch?

Can you believe it's been a frickin' month already???

Too cute, WD. Glad to see you with a crush.

At 11:08 AM, Blogger Gland Jupiter said...

I'm a solid decade older than you. I'm married now. Have a kid even. All the stuff I'm supposed to have to make life glorious, and don't get me wrong, it's pretty damn good.

But I regret the women I didn't sleep with far more than the women I did. In time, when all the prepubescent joy of hand-holding fades, you too may someday realize you should have sexed her like a hungry pornstar.

At 11:32 AM, Blogger Tara said...

Good post, Dade! I'm sorry that things didn't work out just yet. Maybe you'll run into her again! You never know.

At 12:53 PM, Blogger imaginaryconversations said...

Good post, good writing, and everything the others have said about it being touching that even you have feelings, etc.

I'm curious though why she has never made some kind of a first move. You know how girls do it more often when they're on vacation. Well, this was like a vacation for her, and she sounds like a cool girl, so I'm just slightly surprised that she hasn't kissed or touched you at some point during your evenings together.

At 12:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a solid decade older than you. I'm married now. Have a kid even. All the stuff I'm supposed to have to make life glorious, and don't get me wrong, it's pretty damn good.

But I regret the women I didn't sleep with far more than the women I did. In time, when all the prepubescent joy of hand-holding fades, you too may someday realize you should have sexed her like a hungry pornstar.

what he said

At 1:37 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

OMG who are you and what have you done to White Dade? Just kidding! That was very sweet.

At 3:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

why don't you just call or e-mail her? what have you got to lose? she probably likes you and is a little confused.

At 4:02 PM, Blogger White Dade said...

Mini - No I do not. I don't even have her email. I have her number but I'll likely dleete it soon.

Rachel - Did you read yesterday's post?

MG - Yeah, pretty much.

cliff - Where to start?....

Johnson- This was the girl who loved c-ville, by the way.

Jessica - Glad i could give oyu hope

scrap - Thanks

Anon - You have an outstanding point. Comment of the day.

Moe - Yes, she was. And actually she kept looking over at our table too. Oh well.

GJ - Hmm. Well, perhaps I'll remmeber that for next time

Tara - Thanks. but I'm not holding my breath.

Manola - I just like to show off my versatility sometimes

Anon - Possibly. But what's the best that comes of that? A stressful long-distance "if only we'd known this in Miami" relaitonship? Better to keep my ilusions

At 4:29 PM, Anonymous Johnson said...

"This was the girl who loved c-ville, by the way."

Dump her

At 4:30 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

I read yesterday's post but it still wasn't as hard hitting as some of your earlier stuff.

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Gland Jupiter said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 4:33 PM, Blogger Gland Jupiter said...

By the way, not that it's RIGHT that you should have, just that you should have. Marriage is a gilded cage, and age plays tricks on you, so enjoy not sleeping with her while you can - the piggish male psyche may win in the end.

Oh, and beware the Ides of March and don't run with scissors.

At 5:20 PM, Blogger potroastandgravy said...

Quick... do something manly.

At 9:54 PM, Blogger Blind Mind said...

dont be a pussy like you have been so far with this girl. find your testicles again and call this broad. NC is not far at all and a cheap plane ride really. plus, i think all successful relationships involve time away from the other person, so this is perfecto

At 12:32 PM, Blogger minijonb said...

what blind mind said.

...go have some fun.

At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love is a hard thing to find. What's so bad about long distance relationships? It all depends on if you think you were falling in love with her, and if it's worth the lack of sex to keep in touch with her. Don't delete her phone number, anyway!

At 3:42 PM, Blogger Eric Frost said...

i admire your honesty whitedade. sometimes i wonder how you do it because i always think writing things like that will come back to haunt me. not just soft things, but any negative thing i write will have a consequence. living in fear like that is not fun. i fuess its like F it, right? i dont care what people think. I dont know man. you da man

At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe this experience has given your a fresh perspective on what you truly want from a relationship and a woman. Whatever qualities attracted you about her, now you can look for those in other women instead of, and don't take this the wrong way, aimlessly and shallowy hooking up with girls. You're maturing, and this was the first step.

At 9:39 AM, Blogger mm said...

awwww White Dade is in loveeeee. I really enjoyed this post. I hope you and Stacey can work something out. Good luck!


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