No Matter How Good Things Are, I Can Still Find Something to Complain About
I came in today with five different ideas for posts. Five. And when I sat down to write them you know how many of them I felt like I could put up without causing some sort of shitstorm? Zero. None. Zilch. This is why I haven’t had a post since Monday. Makes me wish I kept a LiveJournal where I controlled who came in and out.
When I started this thing 16 long months ago, 8 people knew the URL. 8. So whatever I wrote all I had to do was make sure none of them would be upset and I was in the clear. But then I realized what fun is this when I can’t get a massive audience and all the attention and adoration that an attention whore like me needs. And so the blog took off and the audience grew and now people who didn’t even know I have a blog text message me saying “Hey, are you White Dade?” Awesome. Sort of.
While writing this little daily journal of sorts has done more for me than any single project I have ever undertaken (Marines and College aren’t exactly projects but more extended lifestyle choices) it has also now escaped my control. The wonderful thing about a blog is that nobody is editing you. Nobody is changing your words around or making you cut out sections you like. That is until you are successful with it. Then your content is controlled by the people who read it. I had to delete what was in my opinion the best post I ever wrote last week because of people finding it. Now, well, now there are few if any stories from my life I can tell. Ever.
A long time ago, I decided to start this thing so that I wouldn’t have to keep typing the same stories over and over again to friends across the country. Now, with a daily audience well into the four figures (oooh, impressive, I know) most of my stories cannot be told without somebody getting upset. So I move on to thinly veiled generalizations. But people almost always see through those, and even if they are totally off base most of them are still like “Was that about me?” No, it wasn’t you self-centered moron. It was about a lot of people, but if you see yourself as the brunt of that rant, well, that’s on you buddy. That’s on you.
While I do enjoy the various great things that have happened to me as a result of this blog’s popularity, far too long to list here (and, again, a lot of things I can’t write about) I am sometimes jealous of the people who can just write about their lives without consequence. It is very therapeutic to be able to put what’s on your mind down on paper and after 16 months I no longer have that ability. And the more people I meet, the less I can write. Now I basically find general rants that everyone can relate to (or despise) and leave most of myself out of it.
I suppose everything in life has an upside and a downside. And the limitations I have to put on myself now so as to not piss off or even alienate people is the price I pay for the spoils of success. I do appreciate everybody who reads this and hope everyone continues to. But today, well, today this was the only topic I could think of that wouldn’t result in an irate phone call sometime later.